1St Crush in 1St Grade??? Isn't This a Little Young?

I remember when my sister was in 1st grade and a little boy called our house to ask to take my sister out on a date. My father spoke with him and told him to call back when they were 18! It has been 40 years and we still tease my dad about it, he was so upset that a "stinky boy" would dare to call and ask to take my sister on a date.

It is normal and it will pass, over and over again.

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A., I know how you feel! My daughter was proposed to in Kindergarten! That boy DUMPED her for her best friend!

I was mortified that all of this is going on, but it did leave the door open for some really good talking opportunities.

We were able to discuss what a good husband her daddy is and why I chose him to be her father. She promised me she would not marry someone who doesn't have the same kind of love and respect as her daddy has for me. We talked about loyalty between men and women and between friends. She decided he wasn't husband material. She wasn't upset about the dumping, either. She said she was "happy and sad" because she was happy for them but sad because she wanted to marry him (oooh how I wanted to call his mother!) and we got to talk about how you should never love a boy until he worships the ground you walk on.

All in all, the whole thing existed more between us than between my baby and that 5 year old cassanova. She's back to playing princess and he doesn't go to her school anymore.

I thought we'd be immune to this sort of thing since she goes to a small private school and we have no television in our home. That isn't the case. I think the best you can do is be honest, try to steer it into some critical thinking and self-esteem conversations. You can't stop this thing from happening but you can let her know that she is too young to focus on this. A lot of it is just figuring out what the words mean and using them and building concepts and vocabulary. Some of it is immitating very adult things they see around them.

Whatever happens in parenting, I think, happens at the right time. I say that because it happens and we have no control over what other little boys will say, so we have to accept it as being "the right time" and adjust our parenting to rise to the occasion.

Good luck.

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A., I sit here and laugh because my first grader has been "married" since this summer. They are a trip. It is all very cute and innocent and his mother and I keep a close watch on them. They don't believe in kissing, just being best friends. He defends her like any husband should though. I just tell her that she can't marry her first boyfriend and that she can't get married until at least 26. I believe it is all very natural, but I agree that we as parents are the ones that have to keep the innocense in our children. They grow up way faster these days. We all play house starting very young. It's what we teach them in values as to what type of "house" is set up.

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I think its a perfictly healthy and normal sign. I would be strict in the fact that there is to be no kissing that is only for married husbands and wifes. Holding hands and hugging should be ok as to teach your child to be affectionet. Most little ones even much younger develop crushes and they last along time then before you know it one of them is actually crushed and the other has moved on. Think back when you were in elementary school I know I had my share of crushes. I was just too shy and aquard to ever tell any of them. I remember kissing my neighbor boys at a very young age. Let her know that your happy for her that she found someone nice, and make sure he is a good character kid. Dads will never like the fact that there little girls are finding boys. Just tell her to find some one just like dad. I wouldnt worry about it but be relived that she is developing normaly. ( sorry for my horrible spelling its eairly and I cant spell when I am truly awake either )

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There is nothing wrong with it at this age. Just keep an eye on them and make sure they don't start copying what they might have seen on TV or the movies. Kids are seeing, hearing, and learning more at a younger age these days. Be prepared for a broken heart though, if he breaks up with her.

Enjoy this innocent childhood time. But, be ready for the 2nd/3rd/4th grade years. This is when boys and girls think each other are yucky and don't want to have anything to do with one another.

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It is perfectly normal...I had my first crush in Kindergarten. His name was Jimmy and he was the class bad boy. We only saw each other at school...but at the end of the year his mother brought me a charm (that I still have in my jewelry box) that says "puppy love" on it.

He moved away and I was sad...but moved on and didn't have another crush for quite a while.

{{{{hugs}}}}

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*smiles* Hi A.,

You know mommy, at this age they are just mimicing what they see. Little girls wanna play house(in the innocent way) little boys wanna play war hero! Its a good and healthy thing that she has her little puppy loves, she is not too young to feel emotion. She will be happy and sad and angry some days, so this is just another emotion. As long as you do not see any inappropriate interaction then just smile, take notes on how cute it is, his name and such so later when she is older you can remind her of her first puppy love :) If you DO see anything that you feel inappropriate, then I would calmly pull her aside, and explain to her why WE dont do those things at her age. But at 6 you will be lucky if she ever allows him to catch her long wnough to even touch her lol Gotta remember bein that age! it was GREAT

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With kids being as visual as they are, seeing people date on tv, in their families, etc. they too are drawn to copy/mimic them. Our daughter has had "boyfriends" that she was going to marry since 3. Each year it changes. We don't make a deal out of it as we say you should have a lot of friends....boys and girls. It does open the door for brief discussions about no kissing, etc..... LOL

Don't get hung up on the terminology....their vocabulary and ours differ greatly!

Hi A.. It's puppy love. Nothing serious and it will soon pass. Just being kids. Wait until the teen years.

L.

You want to see young crush, go to youtube, enter heatherfife and look at the video "heartbreak!" Seriously, the crush thing depends on the personality of the child, my older daughter in second grade doesn't even know what a boy is!

I would say don't make a big deal about it. I remember writing notes and playing chase...and it is all harmless as long as they are supervised. They may "like" each other but they aren't going to go out on dates or be off alone, and it is probable that this crush will last a couple of weeks until one of them finds someone nicer or cuter. Just set limits now about dating...our girls know that real dating begins at 16.

I have seen lots of girls and guys getting into relationships because of today society they are pressured into having be accepted. I agree with you that she is a beautiful young girl who should not be in a relationship. You and your husband should talk to her about waiting. She is not to go out on a date until she is 16 years old, and along those years teach her skillful and warning signs about guys. She can hang out with him with the activities but I think it's important that you encourage her to wait. This is an odd situation but cute at the same time:) I hope this helps, Goodluck.

My first crush was when I was 4 & he was 5. We were in the same grade but I did the same thing...chased him around the rm, bugged the heck out of him til I got him to like me. Although me & my guy really REALLY liked each other, perhaps even loved each other, my parents forbade me to even look his way much less speak to him so it was a secret romance of sorts that lasted til high school graduation. He was a very respectable boy & really liked me as much as I loved him but because of my parents dislike for the fact he "lived on our side of town" & wasn't from the affluent neighborhood, that automatically made him a bad person in their minds but that made me want to be w/him even more although I would get in trouble if I was caught even talking to him. The secret romance of sorts (nothing never came of it except a silent longing for each other & knowing that we wanted to be together) continued all thru til high school graduation but then he joined the military & we went our separate ways. We still are 'special kindred friends' but he has his own family now & so do I. I don't see anything wrong w/it as long as they're having fun & not being "naughty" then I don't see the harm in it. You should intervene if you see or suspect anything inappropriate going on but kids are going to like whomever they like, regardless. Let her have her fun, like I said, intervene if you see or suspect anything inappropriate but if you don't see anything of that nature, then what's the harm. At least she found someone she likes & that likes her. There's nothing wrong w/boys & girls being friends or "liking" each other. Let them have their fun. I see no harm in it.

I believe it is harmless! Me I had a crush on a boy in kindergarden and he on me. It will be ok and I also agree with other mothers that it will pass. of course I really have no advise for you but if and when I face the situation I blieve I will ok with it and see it for what it is. by the way I did not get married till I was 32 and had my first child at 33 so if that may be the worry of things happening to early it is not neccessarily the case

I think all of the advice you have gotten is right on target. Girls are relationship driven. I remember my 4yr old daughter playing with her crayons and marrying them to each other! Her first crush was also about the age of 4 with an older man.....6 yrs old!! He was always so kind to her, he knew she had a crush on him and he was always so patient with her. He'd let her sit by him during lunch or TV time and he even came to her bday party even though he was the oldest one there. I will always have a special place for that young man in my heart!

It is a way for them to organize what they see into what they feel. I wouldn't make a big deal out of it. It does open up great venues of opportunity for heart to heart talks. Don't make the mistake my mom did......she always disregarded my feelings and crushes saying that I was just being silly. It led to some serious self-esteem issues. The feelings may not be what you consider real but they are real in some way to the children. My daughter is now 15, VERY confident (conceited???) and very proud to be a virgin and has a clear idea of what she wants in a husband.

This is exactly why I homeschool!!! It is not to be taken lightly. Society/public schools have done this over time and it will only get worse if people have kids but still try to keep up with the Jones's and hardly ever see their kids. I am obviously very passionate about this. You should not let the issue continue. We are like the people we associate with. They have learned these little behaviors from someone probably from other kids at school who do not live with morals and standards in their households and at 5-6 years it scary!

My daughter is only three, but she already has had a "boyfriend". They held hands and shared crackers at snack time. He would help her on with her coat. I just saw it as roll playing. I remember my first crush in kindergarden. He was the bad-boy in the class, which back then mean tthat he would wear cow boy boots to school. :) I wouldn't put too much weight in it. I'm sure it is just roll playing. Right now, you are always there with her. Good luck.

Dear A., I remember holding my grandmother's hand walking past a first grade classmate's house and telling her "He is the cutest boy I ever saw." He must have liked me back because whenever we would glance at each other we would smile and make flirty faces. I don't remember ever passing notes or any physical contact. I sat next to him 45yrs later for jury duty and we still smiled broadly at each other across the room. The key is to have them doing activities that are in a group setting and supervised.

My three year old told me the other day that he was going to marry Kathryn (a neighborhood friend) when he was old enough to buy a ring. When I asked Kathryn's mom about it, she said Kathryn had told her that she was going to marry him but had told him he needed to get her a ring first! I am not at all concerned. They are around other humans (adult and child), it is their job to learn through imitation. I definately don't think public schools caused it, mine aren't in school yet! I wouldn't worry about it, just wathc to make sure that is all it is.

My daughter did the same, but she started in kindergarten! I felt the same as you do, but I did not make a big deal of telling her she could not have a boyfriend, etc. She is now in 4th grade and does not talk about liking boys at all. I think it is just a phase. Good luck

I was in kindergarten when I told a boy I liked him. He said, "I like you too, let's kiss!" Fickle girl that I was, I replied "YUK!" and decided that I didn't like him anymore.

The point is that first crushes are a natural thing. My oldest daughter had her first crush under two years old. He was in his twenties. She would stare at her feet and ignore him when he came into the room, but then would ask for him when he wasn't there. And she said, "I love him!" when she was first starting to talk.

I don't know why it happens, but it seems to be a very natural and ingrained thing.

I recommend using this as a model for how you want her to have boyfriends later. Talk to her about the limits (so they don't model television!) and just treat the boy like he is a special best friend. Basically, just do everything you can to help her be comfortable with this and talk about it. I think you should be accepting, but not really make too much of a big deal about it so that when they grow tired of the whole thing, you can help her move on. :)

LOL....i remember when i was in pre-k i had my first crush.my daughter is in pre-k4 and talks about this boy she likes but he doesnt like her.i just laugh it off and tell her she is to young to be talking like that.she already knows she cant have a boyfriend until she is 25...lol.