1St Arrival of Menstruation Info

On the make-up poll: 12 yrs - lip gloss with just touch of color. 13 yrs - maybe a little eyeliner and lip gloss with touch of color. 14 yrs - maybe add eye shadow for special occasions only. No full make-up until 15 or 16. But most important is to teach a young girl that less is more, and how to apply the make-up correctly. Also, the less make-up you wear, the better off your skin in the long run.

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Dear Stacy,
I have heard that typically kids start menses about a year after their bodies start to change. For my daughter, that turned out to be 17 months, at age 11. I started at age 8 (my mother at 9 and grandmother at 8!) We don't have any rituals around it; my daughter and I have always been close and this was one more experience for us to be close with.
I like the traditions you mentioned, why not use them?

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First and foremost, ask your daughter. Tell her your story and ideas and see if she thinks it's wonderful or horrifying. I know I would never have wanted anything like that and my daughter would be mortified. She is 13 and considers it a very private thing.

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Im not really sure what to do to start a new tradition but whatever you come up with will be special. Good Luck...

I was responding about the make-up question. I have 3 boys but my best friends have girls. My best friends daughter just turned 10 and for christmas I bought her a caboodle with hair stuff and make-up. I made sure it wasnt that cheap kids make-up but I also didnt go over board either I kept it to eye shadows and lip glosses and body glitter so she could get some practice. My friend and I have had this talk a couple times and decided that when she is in 7th grade she could start wearing make-up (powder, lip stick, eye shadow) My friend doesnt want her wearing foundation because she blames foundation for her uneven complextion or mascara because when she was younger after wearing mascara she would try to pull it off (instead of using eye make-up remover) and now she has little eye lashes. I believe that Jr high (7th grade) is a good time to start wearing make-up on a regular basis.

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There's a wonderful book called " Don't Give It Away" (by Iyalna Vanzant) for adolescent girls that helps teach them to explore and express feeling about family, friends, body image and love life. I gave this to my nieces when they started their periods as a celebration and a way to open communication about this new phase of life they were entering. Life is so hard at this age, so it's great to give young ladies some tools! Good luck!

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This is such a great idea. I think what your family did for you was wonderful. My mother bought me my first "real" lipstick when I started mine (a nice dusty pink - nothing too loud). You may want to consider getting her a small piece of jewelry, like a goddess pendant.

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This one is for your make-up question. You can allow her to add a dab of light colored lipgloss. Maybe some mascara. That is more than enough. Keep the make-up light and fresh, so that she and it doesn't look so harsh.

Best of luck,
P.

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If your daugther gets embarassed easily then 'celebrating ' her coming into womanhood I don't think would work. You could tell her what your mom did for you and see what her reaction is. My stepdaughter was with us when she started hers. I took her to the store and asked what she wanted and she was clueless.. I was floored that her mom didn't talk to her about it. So before hand also take her to the store and explain the differences between the different types of pads and liners, and if you are ok with her using tampons then explain those as well. As far as the makeup... it went slowly starting at about 12 and then she went into the goth stage (not dreary just dark) and I figured she is just expressing herself and not doing drugs.. but when we would go to family functions, i asked her to tone it down..

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Your description is really beautiful and affirming. Your daughter is lucky that she has a mother with this tradition that she can pass on!

I started my period when I was 13 years old. I would talk to your daughter about it and see how she feels about having her first period, whenever it happens. See if she feels mortified or if she's excited about it. When I was 13 I wanted to DIE when I started my period. It was the worst thing EVER and I was very angry about it. I only told my mother and made her swear not to tell ANYONE. She told my grandmother who welcomed me in her house with, "Well, well, look who's a woman!" in front of my aunt, uncle, sisters... I wanted to KILL THEM ALL. So, see if your daughter is comfortable with the public aspect of sharing. If she is, what you described sounds absolutely wonderful!! If not, depending on how private she feels about it, I would share a girl's night or day out, just the two of you so you can talk privately about periods, how special she is, her life and concerns, etc.

As for the makeup, hee hee! My mum let me use makeup when I was 5 years old. I remember her sitting down with me and saying, "Since you love makeup so much, you can use it. But you are going to learn to use it right! No looking like a clown!" She let me use eye shadow, blush, and lip gloss. Once I was allowed to use it and had it, I didn't bother with it! The idea of using makeup, especially at your daughter's age, is to enhance your appearance, but to look natural! I would let her use eye shadow (but no bright or garish colours), a touch of mascara, blush to pinken her cheeks (no stripes or circles!), concealer (if she needs it), a light dusting of powder (if her skin is shiny), and tinted lip glosses (full colour lipstick for special occasions, but not so much for daily use). When I was her age, I liked the flavoured lip glosses. They seemed more fun.

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what a beautiful and special way to connect with your daughter on a spiritual level. I think you and her should do something special together. like getting a pedicure or facial. You should try and tie the makeup part in some way too. I remember I was allowed to wear it around 12 or 13. This is such a wonderful time in your daughters life. I will do the same for my daughter, although I have quite a long wait!!!!!! she is only 10 months! Go and buy her a few simple makeup items. Lip gloss, glitter, a makeup brush, VERY translucent face powder.(she definately doesnt need liquid foundation yet) maybe a very lite frosty eye shadow. buy a cute makeup bag and give it all to her as a gift! have a wonderful time!

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What a wonderful idea. I have no suggestions for you but I think your plan to celebrate is great.

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There's a book called The Mother-Daughter Project by SuEllen Hamkins and Renee SChultz that talked about celebrating becoming a woman and rituals to celebrate. Off the top of my head I can't remember what they were but it definitely addresses it. The celebration was within the context of a group of women with similar aged daughters who got together once a month. M.

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