19 Month Old Clawing Out of "Frustration"?

have you considered talking her to your doctor about that?? All kids do things at that age. example hitting themselves in the head, pulling at their skin, holding their breathe to name a few. They all out grow it. I am a social worker of 12 yrs and always suggest telling the child while they are in the act to stop. do not do that. That is not nice. Keep informing them not to do it. each time she do it stop her and say no. She will out grow it. The key is keep saying no and praise her when she does stop when you ask. good luck

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Hi there A.,
My granddaughter is almost 17 months and she does the same thing. I personally believe it's just their way of finding their new personalities. But it doesn't make it right. Especially if she's hurting others. She use to slap my father (her great-grandfather) who is her favorite in the family (and his too) so I know it's not out of meanness that they do this.
I have noticed when Maddy does it, it's usually when she's tired or not feeling well. My only child (a boy, now 23) never really went through this that I can remember.
When Maddy does this, and she's in my care, I just look at her firmly and tell her NO!, You can't do that. Of course this usually gets the tears flowing and then my heart melts. lol
But, I do not think this is uncommon. Sound's like you have a wonderful loving little girl who is just testing the waters.
Not much help I know, but at least you know you're not alone.

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lol my 2 1/2 year old does the same thing i just grin and bare it and hope imalways around to tell him to be easy to the baby i mean really what else can you do when they are just trying to give you some love

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When she gets like that let her know that scratching and biting are not acceptable behavior. If she persists after that warning and you'll have to remind her alot, give her a time out appropriate for her age. Also give her a teddy and tell her to squeeze some love in to him.

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A.~
How blessed to have a daughter with so much love! Maybe she will learn to temper her "love" actions if, when she does these things, you firmly and gently say, "No, that's not a nice love. THIS is," and demonstrate a more appropriate hug, embrace or other loving action. Then be very loving and delighted when she gives the right show of affection. One good "love" to show is holding both of the other person's hands between your own with a big cheesy smile, and that is something that a toddler could do easily.
When my son was small, I had to teach him some replacement "anger" words for the ones he heard in the world, like: dang, dag-nab it, flip or stink! It is so funny to hear a little frustrated one shout out something like, "Oh, paperclip!!", lol!
Blessings.

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A.,
I know how you feel. I agree with the other's about working on the "soft touches", cause it really does work. It is just a phase, but who knows when she will grow out of it, and even working with her will take some time. Until she stops put socks or gloves on her hands to keep her from harming the other kids. She won't like that much either, so try letting her pick out the gloves herself then she might be more susceptible to wearing them. I worked in a daycare for a while and we had a little boy who would literally pull the other kids, even the bigger ones, down and sit or lay down on them, and he was only 16 months old!! He did it out of love, he was a very loving child. His mother was expecting another baby, a girl, and didn't want her son to squish his new sister. They had a GIANT stuffed puppy named "puppy" of all things (LOL). The mother had him love on the puppy at home, so she brought it to the daycare for him to "squish"; that became his favorite game "squish the puppy". Within 3 months he stopped pulling the other kids down and became very calm when he gave "affection" to other kids. I hope this advice was helpful to you and Good Luck!

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My daughter is 19 months also and is clawing me that way too. It is usually when she is frustrated or sleepy. I don't know what to do either but wanted to let you know that it isn't just your baby. I just grab her hands and look at her and say "no, that hurts mommy." and then kiss her and tell her "you love mommy, not hurt mommy."
Hope that helps. But you aren't alone.

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Sue had great ideas. Try to show her how to control her emotions. You don't want to pull away from her without her knowing why. She might feel even more rejected and hurt. As for other kids, I always told my daughter notto touch other kids without asking and it's not nice to grab people or tug at them. MY daughter loved to hold other kids hands and give them hugs or kisses when she was a lil toddler. Kids at the park she didn't know...so I had to get her to stop touching all the time! LOL MAybe tell her to ask them if she can hug them first, that would give her time to think before she acts to agressivly maybe.

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My son is 10 months old and has done this for some time. He doesn't do it quite as often anymore, so she'll probably grow out of it. Good luck.

M.

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I thought I'd one more thing to the already good advice. I have 2 daughters and both of them did the same thing when they were that age. When they would grab my face, I would flick them just enough to cause a little pain and say 'no' calmly, but with a firm voice. And then I showed them, with a smile, how to gently stoke my face and said 'gentle' at the same time. The pain quickly deterred them from repeating the action and they soon learned to touch my face gently and in a loving way. As far as with other children, those children may not want to be touched at all. So I would just flick her hand and say 'no'(again just enough pain to deter her from repeating the action). This worked wonders for my girls. It may take a few times, but it will work.

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Sue is SO right about demonstrating apropriate touches. My mother is a pre-K educator and I modeled her advice in a similar situationn with my daughter and 2 nephews. One of the children LOVED very forcefully - and although he meant well, the behavior SCARED the other two (and sometimes physically hurt them). So one afternoon, I sat all three of them down and we talked about how as a family/friends we LOVE each other and its is NICE to show it but we need to pay attention to HEAVY touch versus SOFT touch. I demonstrated and had them demonstrate with each other --- I constantly reaffirmed that SOFT touch is HOW WE SHOW OUR LOVE to one another. To this day, when I call them down about roughhousing or playing rough, they demonstrate SOFT touches for me. It is kind of a HOOT now!!!
Hope this is helpful...she sounds amazing!
S.

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Hi, when my daughter was about 19 mos old she also would forcefully grab at her classmates faces as well as mine sometimes. Sometimes it was a rush of emotions and others it was deliberate frustration. Her teacher shared with me what was going on and how they were handling it so I could handle it the same way at home and together we taught her "soft touches" with our friends. After some repetition she stopped that behavior. Looking back (she just turned 2) I think it was partly a phase, but showing her soft touches worked really well. Now we are on to a new phase - shoving her friends.......we are just starting to tackle this behavior!

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Sounds like you have an amazing, loving child. Have you ever loved so much it hurt? Sounds like her depth of love and appreciation is pretty intense. Gently teach her how to "love" you (and others). When she grabs you like that, remind her to be gentle. Try showing her how to be gentle. This may have to happen over and over and over again, but she will get it. As for the other friends, she is learning how to interact with them. This is a learning process. Testing boundries. I find that I love my family so much, that sometimes I sqeeze them really hard. I am having to teach myself how to be gentle with them as well.
My best to you on your journey to growing this lovely child.
W. from Indiana

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if this is not a behavior that is modeled in your home...i would have her behavior checked by several docs. also, i would read up on immuniasations and side effects, which can cause various levels of autism. i dont mean to frighten you, but our bodyminds are fragile and very sensitive to the environment and what chemicals we put into them. i send you blessings.
please keep us posted.