19 And Pregnant and Loving It!!

First Let me say Congratulations!! Its great being a mother.
you will enjoy things from a totally new perspective and wonder how you never saw things like *that* before...or at least I did.

The hard part of being 19 and pregnant is you think your ready for a baby but the truth is you never truly are prepared till you spend the first night in the hospital or the fact that the people you hold near and dear to you before the baby are no where to be found... and ultimately you end up resenting them for not being there for you. Its hard finding yourself after the baby is born because for almost a year everyone asks you 15 times a day if your doing ok if you need anything, and when the baby is born the attention shifts and you are no longer the attention getter, not that you'd be jealous, but its an unusual feeling of self doubt and uncertainty.

I was pregnant at 19 and I know its not easy for everyone to get used to the idea that your ready to start your family…. but in time they will get over it and welcome you and your child. Good luck. And if I can help in any way let me know. I hope my words didn't scare you I just went thru it and my experience was a challenging one. Again good luck.

Hi R.,
I'm a new mom to a two month old baby boy and on top of that I just turned 23. My husband and I have been together for five years and just got married this past September. Everything will fall into place once the baby comes hopefully. If your family doesn't support your decisions at least you will be happy with them. That is what matters most. Best of luck to you. Congrats!

I think that it is great that you are excited about your new and upcoming family. I think that whenever you begin to start a family it will be a very large and teaching challege to anyone no matter their age. Although I must say as a young parent myself it was hard even with a husband. But it was rewarding because I know I had something to call my own. For the most part I think that the love you have for your future husband and future addition will bring the families toegther. Because love always shines through doubt. Just allow your family to come around to the idea. i am sure that they will. Again congrats on your new family!

I think they are just scared for you because they know the joys of a new baby are wonderful -- but sometimes when you are young you don't realize the negative side. Plus, a newly married young couple -- very joyous again but also their is a side of being newly married that no one talks about. Rarely, do people share the stresses they had when they are newly married and with a new baby. Everyone tries to remember those days as totally wonderful (which they can and should be) -- but there are those stresses that I mentioned.

One other mom mentioned educating yourself. Although I don't think you could or should read all of Dr. Spock's book or those baby encyclopedia books (but you should have them on hand for reference purposes), you definitely should EDUCATE EDUCATE EDUCATE yourself on being newly married and how a new baby affects a marriage. The self-help section of your largest book store should be completely known to you. Hang out there and read those books if you don't want to buy them. If you possess this information, you will be able to ride the bumps that occur in this wonderful time of your life and maybe your support system (mom/dad/sister/cousins) will become more at ease. (and remember your husband-to-be will need this information to, so you could pass it along to him -- do the leg work for him).

And you will need that support system! Good babysitters are very hard to find. Don't forget "date night" -- and it doesn't have to cost a dime. Just moving out of the "parent" environment for a little while will keep your relationship strong for years to come.

CONGRATULATIONS!

Things wont fall into place right away. My exhusband was 40 years old (i met him when he was 37) and he still doesnt know what he wants out of life. Keeps changing his jobs, life and women. So just dont think that if i hve his baby, this man will love me. I thought that would help my marriage. but after 3 months, he moved on to someone else. Yes, newlywed, pregnant and my hubby leaves. not to scare you, you will learn so much about yourself no matter what age you are. People change, that is the most improtant thing to let you and your spouse grow, hopefully closer together.

I was 19 too when I got pregnant with my first. I waited to tell everyone though for a few months. My family wasn't happy either. At this early stage just don't force your happiness on them. It will take time for them to get used to the idea that you are "old enough, and ready". Most likley by the time the baby is closer changes start to happen even if they act mad still and by the time my son was born everyone got over it. They are just scared for you. Give them space and time and find someone like a friend to be excited with for the time being.

I was in the same situation. I was 18 when I got pregnant and 19 when I had my son. That was almost 10 years ago. Mine was unplanned and both of our parents weren't thrilled. In fact, his parents were down right awful. They didn't tell their side of the family until I was 6 months. When we went out I was told not to wear clothes that made me look pregnant. Like it was the clothes not the condition. Anyway, give it time. After my son was born and they held him. They were instantly attached. You family may be a little disappointed. After becoming a mother so young, I missed out on opportunities, I didn't go to college, I lost some friends who were out partying while I was home with my baby. It was hard and my parents wanted better for me. Your parents will warm up, it sounds like it's all still new and they are still digesting the idea. Just give it some time, my parents and the other parents have a very close relationship with my son. It took time while I was pregnant but after he was born, they were very much in love with him.
Congrats and best wishes.
A.

Give them time. Be patient with them. I was in a similar situation 14 years ago. Newly married at 19 (they weren't happy with that to begin with) and found out I was pregnant a month later. It just takes time for them to realize that their little girl is growing up. As a mother of 4 now, I know I don't want face it that my oldest is 14 now and will be starting highschool next year, much less even think about the time when he will start a family of his own, no matter how old he is. It also may be that they don't want to face the fact that they are going to be grandparents. I know my mother kept telling me that she was too young to be a grandparent (mind you, she was 53 when my son was born).

As I said, just be patient. They will come around. You are young to be a mom, not that it means you won't be a good one by any means. Recognize that you are young still and don't be afraid to ask for their help if you need it. Remember, they raised you and you turned out fine, right?!

Good luck and God Bless!

H. R.

You can't change their opinions or minds. You are young and they have every right to be concerned about whether or not you are ready financially and emotionally to raise a child. Your close to being a child yourself. You aren't even married and are already pregnant so that shows your irresponsibility. They have a reason to be concerned, it's their job as a parent, let them do it. Some day you will be the same way with your child (hopefully). I'd only worry if they DIDN'T care or have concerns.

The only thing you can do is prove to them you are ready and responsible. If in indeed you are then in time they will see that, but now they are basing things upon your past experiences and coming up with the conclusion that you are not mature enough for such adult responsibilities. They have every right to those concerns and opinions, whether you like them or not.

What's done is done and eventually people will have to realize that. Whether they agree or not, there is nothing they can do. Once the baby comes, I'm sure they will warm up. If not, do you honestly want the negativity in your and your baby's life anyway?

R.,
It has been my experience that people are going to say what they're going to say anyway. Today it's your age and tomorrow it's something else. You can't change the way anyone feels about anything, and it's not your job to do so. You just send the invitations and the announcements, and the people who really matter will always show up and support you. Forget about the "dream crushers", you don't need them in your life anyway. As you get older, you will see that your spouse, your children, and your parents are pretty much the constants in your life, and everyone else just sticks around for a while and then moves on. What's funny is that about 10 years from now,when you're 29 all of the doubters will say what a great job you have done raising your kids. Stay focused on what really matters and forget about the rest, they aren't losing any sleep over it... and you shouldn't either. About your parents, once the baby is here everything will change; nothing fills up a parent's heart like a grandchild!

I had my baby at eighteen and my husband and I were also trying even though no one believed us. LOL We got married when I was 10 mos. pregnant and huge. And things were really tough at first (with the family). I didn't get much support from them at the time so we made our own way. And eventually they saw that we could do it. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to raise a baby. And they bring so much happiness into your life. I agree with the other comments about reading everything you can. My favorite books at the time were The Girlfriends Guide To Pregnancy, and What To Expect While Your Expecting. The first one was merely for laughs..I hate reading really but I read the whole thing It was written by an ex Playboy Playmate who is now a mother of 4 and doesn't hold anything back.. And The other one shows you the size of the baby week by week and what is happening developmentally..I really liked it. There were some parenting books that I read as well but I think you really have to just find what works for you. Congratulations by the way (your family will come around)Good luck to you!

I'm sure it will just take some time. Kids are a big responsibility and it's Forevever so I'm your family is probably just concerned that you're young. I'm 28 and my little princess is now 1. It's been a great yet at time very tiring experience. You're world will change in ways you didn't expect even though you are expecting it to change. If you are close with your family I'm sure everyone will pull together espically when you have your little one. There are always pros and cons to everything. Since you're young(I'm sure you hate hearing that word-sorry)you will be able to enjoy your child or children(yet to come) and be young grandmother and enjoy them(way, way, way down the road) with lots of energy. Family can be the most supportive and the most critical but it's out of love. Just keep your head up and read some good books to help inform you. Your family might see that you're really serious about being a Great mom and break their walls down a bit. Good luck and congrats!

I love Laura H's resopnse. I think educating yourself is impowering yourself. Some hospitals offer free parenting classes; our peditrition did. I think in addition you have to relate to your parents as well, 19 is young - not that you can't do it and be great at it. Hear what they have to say and listen as their daughter I would guess that they are concerned because they love you; in the end you will be a mom and they will be grandparents now is the time to nurture such relationships. Educate yourself as Laura said and be a good listener too, that shows maturity. Congradualtions to you on the baby and your engagement. I hope you find agreat support system, we all need that. Best wishes to you and your family.

You cant change people and their backward thinking. Distance yourself from the people who are unhappy with you and have less contact with them.
The next thing you can do is do not share your private personal business. Sept. is a long way off and a lot can change.
Paint a rosy picture to all the relatives regardless of what is going on.
How they feel about the child will largely be determined by how they feel about you, so dont fight with them.

Congratulations!

I was 34 years old before I ever got pregnant! I was single at the time.. still am by choice... and am very fortunate to have a Beautiful Baby Boy... (he's 21 months old now) It's definitely a LOT of work.. but he's so worth it... and yes, while my family was disappointed about MY situation at the time I found out I was single and pregnant... but at least YOU have a fiance willing to be responsible. Do what's right for YOU and your Baby.. Don't ever let anyone else tell you what to do or what You can't do... You need to surround yourself with Positive people and Positive thoughts... that's what brought me through my pregnancy by myself.. (My family lives in TX.. so I did this ALL on my own)... The family will come around eventually after the baby's born.. I know MINE did.. Just hang in there.. You sound Truely Happy and that's a Great Sign that you're Up for the Job! Stay Positive!

Hi R.,
I was in your position when I was 19 but you know what, sometimes it just takes a little time. Heck I didn't even tell anyone I was pregnant till I was about 5 months with ym daughter. All you can do is worry about yourself and the baby staying healty and happy during this pregnancy and when the baby comes, probably even before the baby comes, your family will come around. My mom did not want me having a baby and she did not like my fiance but in the end she was there for me through the delivery and my mother and my daughter, who is 4 now, are very very close. Same goes for my dad. Your family just want whats best for you. It will all work itself out you'll see. I hope this helps.
H. Mays

www.lovintostayhome.com

Hello R. ,

I'm a proud mom of two boys . I had my first one when I was 26 and my second I was 30 .( My first child was a surprise baby # 2 was planned ) A child is an enourmous responsibility and you can't ever be ready for it , It is not just bringing life into this world but been emotionallly and finiacially ready !!! Your family is only worried , but i'm sure they will be there to help you out , I'm sure they are exited too. You did not specify if you are going to school or working ,I wish you the best of luck with your engagement and new baby on the way !!!!

Best Wishes ,

~ A.

Congratulations first and foremost. And the best advice I can give is know that not too much will change about their attitudes toward you or this baby while you are pregnant. Some might change once you are huge, but most will not like the idea or even seem like they will want the baby here until the day it actually is here. Dont take it personally, it seems like most families go through the same thing, once the baby is here they all change. And yes it does seem sort of two faced of everyone, but I am sure they think they know the best for you and want the best for you. Take care of yourself and the growing baby, dont stress the other people, and it will be okay.