26 answers

18Yrs Old Son, Still at Home and in High School

my oldest son just turned 18yrs old. i was wanting to know any advice on what to tell him about curfew, and home rules ect. do they stay the same? or what? he will be graduating this month and staying home for now while attending a community college this fall. just needing some wisdom and expierenced advise.

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So What Happened?™

THANK YOU ALL FOR THE ADVISE. since graduation from high school there has been just minor changes in rules and curfew. he still will continue to do what is expected of him around the house since he is living rent free. he can come and go when he wants as long as i and dad know where and when he will be home.(this is just being respectful) we raised him the best we can and that is all about what we can do. i am sad and excited all at the same time? confusing to me? i love him so much!
thank you again everyone, i love this website!!!

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Have raised two (25 & 23 now). The rules stayed exactly the same through high school graduation. Then we set the rules for as long as they lived with us. They did know that they could call us at ANY time of the night and we would come get them if necessary, or they could stay at friends' houses, who we knew.

We did discuss the rules and got their "buy-in". But in the end, if they didn't like the rules, they could move out. They both moved out when they were 20 and in college and working.

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Have raised two (25 & 23 now). The rules stayed exactly the same through high school graduation. Then we set the rules for as long as they lived with us. They did know that they could call us at ANY time of the night and we would come get them if necessary, or they could stay at friends' houses, who we knew.

We did discuss the rules and got their "buy-in". But in the end, if they didn't like the rules, they could move out. They both moved out when they were 20 and in college and working.

1 mom found this helpful

hi my name is C. and i am a mother of 4, 3 of which are adults and have children of their own. when my kids turned 18 I adjusted the rules to suit their responsibilty level and as long as it didn't interupt or conflict with regular household routines and that they were reasonable. he should always know that as long as he is under your roof and you feed him and cloth him (if you do) that he is to respect you and everyone in the household, and your wishes. as for chores, he still should have some because i believe this teaches them respondsibility and good character and a sense of belonging.

1 mom found this helpful

We followed the rules of the city. Call your city hall and ask for the curfew times by age for your home town. We are in BV and it was posted in the community newspaper I think.
We never had any problems.......our girls knew what was expected and they always were home or called to say why they were going to be late. The good news is that you CARE!! Many parents give the kids free rein after High school ~~
Good Luck,
J.

If he is living in your house then you decide what the rules are. It doesn't matter if he's 12, 18, or 42. He does not pay the bills so he has no say. When he is living on his own and paying his own way that is when he gets to set the rules. Until then you are the parent and the one in charge so he must follow and respect all the rules of the home.

Hi M.,

Our daughter just turned 18 as well last month and is graduating next month.

She works and has a boyfriend. She basically is by his house all the time.

We trust her. The curphew is 10:30pm on school nights right now. Our son is 21 and at home yet. He can do what he wants.
If he is drinking, then he knows not to drive home. He stays by his friends.

We have an understanding with our kids that if they drink too much, or can't make their curphew for any reason whatsoever, to call us.

Our children can stay with us as long as they are in collecge.
Then we hope to have them movce out. LOL! They pay for the foods they want. We pick up the basics. They pay for their car insurance, cell phone bills, etc.

J.

Hi M.! Do your home, curfew rules relax for the summer with all your kids? And then tighten up again when school starts? since he is the oldest it is probably a good idea to make him realize that he is a role model. I am sure you have had many conversations about his curfew since he decided to attend C.C. and stay at home, but it wouldn't hurt to bring them back up again. And I am sure that you have family talks at one of your meals, we used to 'air' our concerens after dinner at the table. (or during dinner if they couldn't wait). My kids could count on being able to say their mind at that time especially. Unfortunately if he is not willing to talk, ask questions, the only thing left for you to do is make the rules and expect him to adhere to him. THAT could help him be more of a participant. When I was growing my kids in the 80's and 90's it was not always in everyone's best interests to let the kids make the decisions, that's why we are parents. All while they are growing they have lots of friends, buddies, but just one set of parents who HELP them live their lives. Good luck, take care.

It is easy to make curfew stick if he has your car. However, at 18, he is a legal adult and can legally do as he pleases.

Your house rules are your house rules. If you are wanting him to move out, imposing curfews will do the trick. If, however, you want him to stay at home until he leaves for college, you will need to let go of the clock entirely.

Been there, done that. 18 year olds who feel welcome at home follow reasonable house rules:

1. Stay safe - don't drive with drunk people behind the wheel.
2. Don't drive drunk - if you are drinking, stay there for the night, but please call and leave a message so we know where you are.
3. Drinking is illegal at your age, so we consider it an illegal activity. Do NOT tell us you are drinking and expect us to be happy about it.
4. Make you own meals and clean up after yourself.

Having plenty of summer chores for an 18 year old will help him to feel grounded at home. This is the summer to have the trim painted, or the garage cleaned-out. Enjoy!

If they live under your roof it should be your rules, however another option is tell him he can do what he wants do but as he is 18 you have the option to kick him out if his behavior gets out of control.

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