18 Year Old with Anxiety Issues

I think you need to push her out of the nest a little bit. Unless you want her to live with you forever, you're gonna have to push a little harder. Find a good volunteering place, such as a daycare center for children. Sometimes by helping a little one will help her help herself. Call around to your local daycares, ECI offices, etc. Then just drop her off one morning, walk in with her and leave her...

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Reassurance, reassurance, reassurance. Whatever she is anxious about, don't just push it off the moment she finds an excuse. The only way she is going to overcome her fear is to face them. Go with her if you have to, but help her get the confidence she needs by coaching not reprimanding. She wants to overcome the anxiety as much as you do. Ask someone who you trust to accompany her if possible. She finds the excuses because it is easier and more comfortable to say those things, but keep giving her reasons why it is not so bad.

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Dear P., You are a great momma for helping your daughter through this. You have received great advice. i will add an additional thought:

She can try cognitive therapy. a cognitive therapist works with one's thought processes to change them, as well as behaviors.

GL. Jilly

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I have been dealing with the exact issues your daughter has since high school. I tried several medications, none of which worked, and saw a therapist, which also did nothing for me.
It is a very serious and life altering problem. My heart goes out to you and your daughter.
I for the most part have worked around my anxiety, with the exception of riding in the car, large groups of loud people, and the skin problem.
I found something I would like doing, and workedx night shift in a nursing home, where it was quiet and there were not too many people around. I did really well for about 2 1/2 years, and then decided to switch shifts. I have been on dayshift since, although I switched positions so I work in the downstairs supply room. I am my own department, but I do have 2 other people sharing the office and it helps to have a nice quiet setting.
I don't know what to tell you about the picking, because I never found a way to get out of that, if you find out let me know, lol. My skin is full of scars, and it drives me crazy, but for the most part I don't even realize when I am doing it, until it is too late and I have already picked something open.
I wish you luck with helping your daughter, I just wanted to let you know there are others out there with the same problem.

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Have her help you find a solution...what would she like to work/volunteer at doing? Help her devise a plan to do so...

One of the first steps might be to find a cognitive behavioral therapist. CBT (cognitive behavioral therapy) works wonders with anxiety...I know from personal experience. It is usually only 6 to 16 sessions, with homework after each session to be completed before the next session. It is not talk therapy, it is fix it therapy. It teaches you how to think around the anxiety and retrain your brain not to respond to the anxiety...I highly recommend it, she doesn't need to sit and talk with someone about it...but have someone show her tools to use to get through it, past it, and beyond it.

Then she will be free to live life...life she chooses. You can send me a personal message if you want...you can overcome anxiety!! HUGS to you mama!!

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I feel for your daughter. The skin thing is such a vicious circle, since the stress about having it perpetuates it. When I was 19 I got a severe case of adult acne from stress, got so depressed, and was even fired from a restaurant job for picking. Talk about feeling LOW, the manager really liked me, but had to fire me because a customer had seen me do it and complained (cant' blame them.) ANYWAY, it really shook me up, as I was out on my own and had to work. I had been on treatments and using medicated soaps and no make up as advised, and finally, I said, screw it. Nothing is helping, I'm going to cover up with make up, look my best and pretend it's not there. It did eventually pass. :(

Anyway, as much as I sympathize and remember being a depressed teen, etc. She's 18. Tough love momma. Technically she should be moving out on her own. If she's still home as a college arrangement type thing, she still needs to be an adult, anxiety and skin issues or no.

Stating reasons why she doesn't want jobs does not classify as "can't find a job". You need to force her to work by not paying for certain things. She will be busy and socializing while at work, and even the crappiest job is temporary all that much more motivation to do well in college.

Do you have any idea what my parents would have said if I said "I might see someone I know" etc about working??!. 'Tis to LAUGH!!!! They'd be like, "Ya, and you might see someone you know out on the street when we kick you out." I grocery bagged and worked in restaurants and babysat all through high school. I had to pay for my own clothes, make up, leisure activities and car etc. (no cells in those days but BELIEVE me I would have been paying for that). It helped my depression (or gave me breaks from it) because I couldnt' mope at work or go into big negative spirals for myself like at home in my room. I also enjoyed earning money and observing all the weird co-workers and characters out in the world, but it wasn't a choice. I HAD to work. Parental law.

I would say not to let her refuse the volunteering and take away some of the comforts you are providing for her-driving, whatever you're paying for..but really, working at this age is more important. She could slack on the volunteering if she doesn't want to be there. She needs a boss. She needs money and to realize that no matter how bad you feel, you have to work. She's smart and able bodied. Be tough, mom, don't enable her to be so bored!

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Hi, P.:

I would suggest that you seek out a suport group for codependents anonymous. It will help you learn how to set boundaries.

www.coda.org

Good luck. D.

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I think she needs a push into a career or activity that she can handle. You can't just make it ok to sit at home all day because she's too anxious to work or go out, she will never overcome it that way. Let her know that she can either seek professional help for the anxiety which you will help her with, or she can work on it on her own by facing her fears and getting out there in the real world whether by working or volunteering or taking a class, whatever it may be. Get her some self help books for anxiety if she's too stubborn to see someone, some people prefer helping themselves. Good luck.

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I would put her to work then if she is refusing to work elsewhere or reach a common ground with you. Have her organize garage sales, clean the house, work in the yard, organize closets, clean the cars, cook, paint, re-decorate, laundry, ironing, dishes etc. Have a set agenda for each day so there is no time for boredom. She will either love it which will cure boredom or hate it which will drive her to want to get out and get a job somewhere. Either way it is a win!

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I would try Isotonic(drinkable) L-Tryptophan it promotes mental clarity and understanding of everyday situations; may help support healthy perceptions and reactions in daily and stressful situations;Helps enhance and stabilize mood; May help promote calmness and relaxation; Helps promote healthy control of feelings and perceptions; Helps promote healthy control of feelings and perceptions; Helps maintain healthy levels of serotonin; May help enhance mental focus and memory; May help support a normal sleep cycle; and promotes sleep. You may be able to get it at your doctors office but you can also find it here: http://www.visionary-wellness.com. I also think the Cognitive Therapy would help. She is lucky to have you for a Mom.

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She should really see someone for therapy. Maybe you could have someone come to your house to talk to her. Good luck.

Dear P.,

Your daughter needs help. How will she manage college if she is having such a difficult time adjusting now? I know this might sound harsh, but she needs to be seen in treatment and would likely benefit from both medications and therapy. You would not let her not go to the doctor if it was a physical illness, you need to help her see the need for treatment and push her to go. If you cater to her you are just helping her remain in an unhealthy state and feeding into her very real medical condition. I am sure this situation is extremely difficult for your daughter, for you and your family as a whole, but if your daughter has limited motivation to change and no strong push to get better she will decompensate quickly and get worse with time so taking action now to get her help is very important. Please keep in mind that choosing a mental health professional is different than choosing other medical personnel. Your daughter needs to feel comfortable and be able to connect to the person. Sometimes this takes more than one attempt with different people, but if she commits to treatment and puts forth the effort she can make significant strides in her care. I hope this is helpful and that you and your daughter can get the help she so clearly needs. Good luck!