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18 Year Old Son's Curfew

What is an appropriate curfew for an 18 year old male at home

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He's pretty mature. He's leaving for college next week. he's usually across the street or in the driveway when he's hanging out. so he thinks he doesn't need a curfew if he's out there. what do you think

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I think it's appropriate for an 18 year old to stay out as long as he wants, unless he comes home making a ruckus and waking everybody up.
Good luck!

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I'm a little biased. I joined the USMC when I was 17. NOTHING got me acting like an adult faster than being treated like one.

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No Curfew for our daughter once she was 18.

But we all let each other know what time we will be home. This way we could totally lock up the house.

She says even at college they all let each other know what time they will be back to their rooms, for safety reasons. If someone has not returned as promised, they call them to make sure they are ok.. Our daughter says some of the girls stay all night at the libraries working on research, but they still call (text, email) just to touch base with each other.

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I don't have a curfew for my 18 year old. She lets me know where she is and approximate time she will be home, but other than that, she is a legal adult. I figure at least while she is living here, I know kind of what she is doing. She could move out if she wanted and I would have no clue! Plus she is respectful and still asks us if she "can" go do stuff instead of saying "i'm doing this". Sometimes it's hard to let go, but it's time!

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I think it's appropriate for an 18 year old to stay out as long as he wants, unless he comes home making a ruckus and waking everybody up.
Good luck!

3 moms found this helpful

I think at 18 it's time to start being responsible for yourself.
My son doesn't have a curfew but he's always been really good about checking in with me, and he still does.
He knows I still worry about him :)
I plan to do the same thing with my almost 16 year old daughter when the time comes.
We don't do our teens any favors by treating them like children. They need to learn how to manage in the world and make decisions for themselves, especially when they are working and/or about to leave for college.
My son goes next month too! I'm happy and sad all at once :) :(

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If he's a good kid and gives you no reason to worry, I think it's time to let the curfew go. He's leaving soon anyway and will have total freedom and you will have no idea what he's doing or how late he's doing it. It sounds like you've raised him well and if he's not doing anything to make you concerned (other than not knowing where he is), then let him go. It's reasonable to ask him whether he will be home and approximately when so that you know whether to leave lights on, etc. Give him a key so you can lock the doors if that worries you. You can certainly tell him what time you want kids out of your house in terms of noise, although my son always has friends in the basement and they go out the bulkhead quietly, so I don't have a problem with it. We're firm about alcohol in underage kids, and we're quick to clamp down on any attempted violations. My son knows there are severe consequences, and he's been great about it.

Trust that you have raised a good kid if he's just across the street, and be prepared to let him stretch his wings.

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When I was 18 I no longer had a curfew. I simply had to tell my parents whether or not I'll be home so they knew whether or not to lock the door. I was a responsible kid and never got into any trouble. But they figured if I could go away to college or the military and be on my own, I should have the same rights in my home. It may have been reverse pyschology though, now thinking about it. We never fought about curfew and I was really proud that they trusted me enough with this responsibility. Since I was given respect and trust, I returned the favor to my parents. Out of respect, I tried not to come home too late, there were always exceptions, but for the most part I was home before 1 am. If I wasn't coming home, I told them which friends house I'd be at and gave them the phone number.

Just saw your update. I wouldn't care if he was in the driveway or across the street, it sounds like he's not getting into any trouble just hanging out with friends. We did that a lot the summer before college since we all went to different colleges it was nice to have them time to be with friends. Just make sure he is quiet when he comes in as to not wake you.

3 moms found this helpful

I'm a little biased. I joined the USMC when I was 17. NOTHING got me acting like an adult faster than being treated like one.

2 moms found this helpful

My oldest son just turned18 in may. He no longer has a curfew (although technically my kids don't have a curfew). Although I find it amusing that he still asks me if he can go over to his friends houses ... I almost told him "You're an adult now ...you don't have to ask permission to go" but I held my tongue. He'll figure it out sooner or later. He'll be living at home while he goes to his first two years of college at the local community college.

I would say if he's mature and responsible ... he's right. If you can trust him to go off to college I'd think you can trust him to be across the street or in the driveway. As long as he's not disturbing the neighbors or you when he comes in.

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I think the need for a curfew is not present. He is 18 years old and even though some responded that it's your house and your rules, he's 18. Let him be free!

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My son is in military college. 11 in at pm weekdays - lights out at midnight; in at midnight on weekends - lights out by 1am -- even in the summer. Up and at 'em at 6:30 weekdays. They can sleep in on Saturday unless they have a game, a parade, or other commitment. Sunday - church at 10 or 11... so they can sleep in until it's time to leave.
LBC

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No curfew -- just needs to knock on my door when he gets home. It's never past 1 am.

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no curfew ! hes a male. they need to learn how to be independent.

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My kids will always have a curfew as long as they are in my house - midnight.

Now, if they have something special, like a prom, or something like that, then we work that out.

But I'm not able to go to sleep when they are out until I know they are home. And it's not right for me to have to stay awake so they can continue whatever they are doing in the wee hours.

My older son goes off to college in a few weeks. He can stay out while he's there, but when he comes home, it's midnight again.

When he and his wife come to stay with us once he's married, I'll sleep like a baby and they can stay out as long as they want!

D.

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12 at the latest on weekends.

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That depends on the boy....is he mature and respectful? Is he paying rent - graduated from high school? I would say midnight.

My curfew stopped when I graduated high school - I still had to respect my parents rules - but I never was out late any way - I was usually home by midnight...the only time I went out after midnight at 18 was for the Rocky Horror Picture show!!!!!

Technically he's an adult, but a brand-new one. My curfew was 12 or 12:30 I think at that age. Keep in mind when he goes to college he'll have no curfew at all. It's not a bad idea to set him loose now, when you know he's nearby and safe, so he can get used to setting his own limits. (Of course a week isn't a lot of time for that.)

The other thing is he's still coming home to your house. If you're a light sleeper and he wakes you up, or you stay up worrying about him, or anything like that, it's just common courtesy for him to come home at a time that works for you. That has nothing to do with safety or rules, and more with just being a decent housemate :)

i think if he is living in your house then he lives under your rules. i had a curfew from my dad until i moved out at 19. at the very least he should say when he thinks he'll be home and keep in touch. one magic birthday doesnt provide adult wisdom.

my parents made me be home by 9:45 until I was married at 21! For every minute I was late, was a day that I was grounded. Yes, my parents were very strict and I was actually a very good kid. I never did anything bad and when I was out with friends, it was usually with church friends. My kids will not be having a curfew. They just need to tell me what time they will be home, and if they are not, then they need to be calling me to let me know what time they will be home, and where they are. As long as they are responsible and can keep their word, then I hope it will be ok. They are only 6 and 4 right now though, so I have a while before I have to worry about it

As hard as it is he is an adult and even if you have a curfew on him there is NOTHING you can do if he NEVER goes by it and comes in whenever he wants. If he stops coming on time or even just decides to do as he pleases there is nothing you can do but kick him out, it's not like you can ground him, he'd just laugh. Then he'll be finding some friend or girl to live with until he can get a job and support himself. Even if he stays out overnight.

He could be courteous and call to let you know he's alive but he is an adult and should not have a curfew at all.

Just because someone turns 18, in my opinion, it's not automatic license to come and go and stay out as long as they please. Especially if they are still living at home. If they're not "adult" enough to be on their own, paying their own rent and bills, they still need to be respectful of everyone else in the home.
My daughter moved back home after moving out and it didn't work very well at first. I didn't care if she wanted to stay with friends as long as she told me she wouldn't be coming home. However, I did NOT appreciate her calling me at 2am to let me know that's what she'd decided. And, I did NOT appreciate her coming in at 1:30 or 2 in the morning.
I had to be up early for work and her little brother is 10 years younger than her. He needed to be up early for school. We always heard her come in. We always heard her in the bathroom washing her face and flusing the toilet. It wasn't polite at all.

Your son is leaving for college soon. It doesn't sound like he's going far to "hang out" or doing anything bad. But, if there are other people in the house who need their sleep and have to be up early, there should be a time compromise he's willing to abide by just out of respect for everyone else.
It's like I tried to explain to my daughter....it wasn't a control issue. I wasn't trying to "baby" her. I wasn't running a hotel. I was happy to help her out and let her stay with us while she saved up for another place, but she had to be thoughtful at the very least in return. I don't think that's asking too much.

Just my opinion.

No curfew, but have him text if he's going to be out after X time with an estimated time home and where he is. That way you can know he's safe and accounted for.

If he's leaving for college next week and mostly either in front of your house or across the street, I wouldn't bother addressing it. If he's home in the summer, I would do the text.

before you and hubby typically turn in. i understand a couple times a month when there may be a late movie but in general i think it's polite and courtious to have everyone home before bed so that no one is up worrying about the other. if he thinks he will be out late maybe he should find someplace else tosleepthat night and planthis early enough totellyou before headingout or at least be able to callyou before a certain time to lat you know not to wait up/be worried. also i think that dinner should be spoken of before he heads out too sothat you don't wait on him for that or make him food he never planned to be home for. it's all just plain common courtesy.

Updated

before you and hubby typically turn in. i understand a couple times a month when there may be a late movie but in general i think it's polite and courtious to have everyone home before bed so that no one is up worrying about the other. if he thinks he will be out late maybe he should find someplace else tosleepthat night and planthis early enough totellyou before headingout or at least be able to callyou before a certain time to lat you know not to wait up/be worried. also i think that dinner should be spoken of before he heads out too sothat you don't wait on him for that or make him food he never planned to be home for. it's all just plain common courtesy.

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