35 answers

18 Year Old Daughter Wants to Move in with Boyfriend

Help, my daughter who just turned 18, working and going to college wants to move in with her boyfriend. The boyfriend lives with mom at the grandparents house.
I tell her to please think things through its a bad idea.

1 mom found this helpful

What can I do next?

Featured Answers

18? I remember those years too. I traveled to Las Vegas every other weekend to see a guy.
It was 250 miles one way and My mother had a heart attack every time I left the house to travel all by myself.

So my advice? Remind her of the values you have taught her. Help her make the right choices. Let her fund her own destiny (no loans)... only fund her schooling.

Her choices are hers...

And remind her.... "You have to live with the choices you make"... after a certain age it's harder to erase the mistakes...

Much luck,
M.

1 mom found this helpful

Hi T., I think you should let her move in with her boyfriend and experience dealing with her boyfirends' family.
It's not going to be easy and she will learn a thing or two about herself in the process(WHICH IS ALWAYS GOOD THING!). Plus, I think she will be back home sooner than you think!
Hope this helps.

An 18 year old is hard to communicate with. My suggestion, would be to talk to her about the pros and cons of living with him.

This has worked with my teenager, but she might have made up her mind already and you won't be able to change it. If that is the case, just be with her when things go wrong. That is about all you can do.

J.

More Answers

18? I remember those years too. I traveled to Las Vegas every other weekend to see a guy.
It was 250 miles one way and My mother had a heart attack every time I left the house to travel all by myself.

So my advice? Remind her of the values you have taught her. Help her make the right choices. Let her fund her own destiny (no loans)... only fund her schooling.

Her choices are hers...

And remind her.... "You have to live with the choices you make"... after a certain age it's harder to erase the mistakes...

Much luck,
M.

1 mom found this helpful

Hi T.!!

You have gotten some pretty good advice here but I decided to add my two cents anyway. I wasn't 18, but in my early 20's when I decided to move half way across the country with a guy I barely knew. Yes it was a stupid thing to do, and yes, my Mom did everything she could to stop me from going. But she was supportive, and always reminded me that I could always come home. Four months later, that was exactly what I did. I came home, with no questions asked. My Mom did not ask me any questions about why I went, or why I came home. She just welcomed me with open arms.

So I guess my advice is just to let her know that you are always there for her no matter if she is successful, or if she fails miserablly. Let her know that she always has a place to come back to. Don't shut her out, and don't make her think that she has lost your respect. Remind her that you love her always. Have faith that you have raised her right and have given her the tools that she needs to eventually make the right choice.

Good Luck!!

L.

1 mom found this helpful

At 18, she doesn't legally need your permission. And, she'll probably tune out a lot of what you say. Don't let any disagreement get so big that she shuts you out or feels she has to choose between you.

I would point out, though, that a man who is depending on his grandmother, or anyone else, to provide him with a place to live is not in any position to ask you to share his living space. Your daughter is more together than this man or his family, it seems. Remind her that a man who truly loves her will want her to do well in school.

This is a very bad idea. But if she chooses to do this, and it works out badly, it is not the end of the road and it can be fixed.

1 mom found this helpful

I agree that it is not a good idea however she will probably do it no matter what you say. I would state your case and then try to let it go as you do not want to make her not feel as though she can talk to you about things. You may want to bring up the point of, why would she want to move out of one family home and into another? Why not wait until she/they can get a place of their own? No one wants to see their kids move out... especially with someone who can't even afford their own place. Do try to be supportive of whatever her decision unless it is an unhealthy place for her to be.

1 mom found this helpful

Hi T.,

I would like to be able to tell you that there is something you can say that would make your daughter say "wow mom, you're right", but it's not gonna happen. Without knowing you, your daughter, or any other personal information, I can only give you the benefit of my experience. I also moved out with my boyfriend at 18 (although, we rented an apartment with my brother and his girlfriend closer to where we were attending college), and it got ugly with my mom, but I still did it. The more you push against it, the more she will push right back.

Yes, it might be a mistake...but maybe it's a mistake that she can learn from. If you can offer your advice while at the same time supporting her decisions and not making it a point of contention between you two, she may listen to your advice as someone who is worth listening to instead of someone who doesn't understand. Will she have to pay rent? Contribute to the household (groceries, utilities, etc.)?

Who knows...what if while living together, she discovers things about him and/or living there that she can't stand and decides it wasn't the best thing to do - viola! She's home again. I can only imagine how stressed you are about this right now, but if you can pull off a relaxed, supportive front, it will allow her to come to her own conclusions and force her to take responsibility. Good luck to you!

1 mom found this helpful

tell her .. the boyfriend needs to come and ask permission for her to move in with him, if he is a decent guy he will do this, then you can ask him what his intentions are, let him know your not here to pay his bills or your daughters bills once she moves out, and what you expect from him on how he treats your daughter, with respect.. no babies although if they really loved each other stay living at home and save there money for there future. It sounds like mom she is ready for the next step sleeping with him each night, and that it might not be available unless they sneak.. all you can do is let her know how expensive it is, and
once she moves out your not the banker. LOL this is just part of growing up.. sometimes we have to let grow so they can make mistakes.. aww Blessings

1 mom found this helpful

Hi T.,

I would ask her to not make a hasty decision, but to give it some time (90 days?) to think it over. During that time, I would cover her in prayer each day. You might want to do some homework to present her with, such as that book by Dr. Laura some women have suggested and possibly even cited statistics about how successful/unsuccessful such situations typically are. Show some of the stories that have been posted. Make sure she spends time to really figure out why she wants to do this. Is it because her boyfriend wants her around and she's afraid of losing him? Is it because she can't stand living in your house? Stress to her that while legally she is an adult, you don't want her to have to experience too much adulthood all at once. If she has to support herself, she will miss out on the enjoyable parts of college. These years are for her to find herself, it's kind of hard to do that when you are heavily bound to someone. I was in a bad relationship during my early college years, and I regret how I let it affect my studies and socialization with others.

It is important that both you and your husband let her know you do not support this idea, but you will always love her. If she moves out, she is no longer dependent on you. However, let her know that she could always come back home to you and Dad. If this relationship turns out to be abusive, but she doesn't think she can come back home, she may end up staying in the bad situation thinking she is trapped.

As a mom I totally feel for you. My son is only 2, but my husband and I pray everyday that he doesn't make the same stupid mistakes that we have.

My best to you!
M.

1 mom found this helpful

at 18, you don't really have any say. And, the more you protest, the more she will rebel. Tell her you love her, you raised her to be independent and you trust her to make the right decisions. Tell her you don't agree with the decision, and explain (calmly) why and ask her to rethink it. Then let her know you'll love her and support her no matter what her decision is. And, then do it. And then pray. It will be hard, but you can do it! Good luck!

1 / 3
Required Fields

Our records show that we already have a Mamapedia or Mamasource account created for you under the email address you entered.

Please enter your Mamapedia or Mamasource password to continue signing in.

Required Fields

, you’re almost done...

Since this is the first time you are logging in to Mamapedia with Facebook Connect, please provide the following information so you can participate in the Mamapedia community.

As a member, you’ll receive optional email newsletters and community updates sent to you from Mamapedia, and your email address will never be shared with third parties.

By clicking "Continue to Mamapedia", I agree to the Mamapedia Terms & Conditions and Privacy Policy.