18 Month Old REFUSES to Sleep in Her Crib at Night

All all the things that soothed her and gave her comfort has been taken away. All at the same time frame.
She didn't condition "you"... rather, you conditioned her, to her previous routine.
I don't know why, there is the 'blame' on an 18 month old, that the baby "controls" or conditions the Parent. Not saying you do this.

Anyway, I am sure, that when something dear and loved gets taken away from a child/baby... AND when it is part of their routine for their entire lives, that yes, it causes them angst. There is nothing wrong with that.
Sure a child will adapt and get used to it. BUT.... since her things/comforts were taken away so abruptly, the only kind of compromise, is to give her as much time as she needs... to adjust. Don't "rush" that either.... the thought that she has to adapt and tough it out, over night, is not fair.

Next, she is probably screaming in her crib, because THIS IS WHERE all her beloved things WERE/USED to be, and All her routines. It was warm and cozy and loving to her. NOW, that is all gone, her crib is now a "bad" place to be.... and being in her crib, probably reminds her, crystal clear, that her LOVED things are GONE. THIS is a feeling, that "frightens" her. It is not her fault. SHE IS NOT TRYING TO CONTROL YOU OR CONDITION YOU. She is ONLY an 18 month old baby, and her "routine" just suddenly disappeared.

For instance: suppose something you DEARLY loved and felt comfort in, SUDDENLY disappeared AND that the room and person you felt closest to and with, was NO LONGER THE SAME AND CHANGED overnight ... and gotten harsh and lonely? Wouldn't YOU go through a sort of "grieving" about it? For a baby, well... they only have so many ways to "communicate" sadness/loneliness/frustration/fear/that she 'misses' something, etc.

It is not puzzling, her current behavior. There has been an abrupt and dramatic 'change' in her life. So no wonder she is going through a lot of change herself AND in her sleep patterns. Its only normal.

She won't sleep on her toddler bed/fold-out-couch forever. My kids did that too at one point... and it was just a phase. They don't do it anymore. It served a purpose for a certain "need" in their lives for a short moment, and there is nothing wrong with that.
Kids go through TONS of "phases" and "needs." There is nothing wrong with that. BUT, we have to HELP them transition through it... not just change their habits and then expect them to cope perfectly. ie: being taught to swim by just throwing a child into the water and then verbally saying from the side-lines "swim!... paddle your arms! Float!", is NOT going to teach a child to swim. You need to be there with them... and show them etc.

Anyway, give your BABY time to adjust. Yes, it was too many things at one time to take away all of a sudden. But, well, just ALLOW her to cope now... and be patient.

And yes, a baby CAN HAVE FEARS, at this age. My kids, displayed and expressed things they "feared" from an early age. AND, yes, kids from this age, can have night-mares and "Night-terrors." Night-time... is often the hardest time of day for a baby/child to transition to or to wean from previous habits. The dark, the upcoming bedtime, change in day/night, etc.

A child/baby does not KNOW, that it has been 1-week, without their beloved things/comforts. To them, it was probably only yesterday.

All the best,
Susan

1 mom found this helpful

I have just did the same thing as you but my daughter did not have a problem with the bottle, it was her bed. she got out of it one night and that was the last for the crib. So we made it to a bed and she still did not want anything to do with it. So we baught a toddler bed and it has been okay. SO to answer your question is she to little to do this yes and no she will end up sleeping on the ground a lot cause she can get out if she wants. For naps I just close the door always have and for night I close the door and when I am going to bed I put up a gate so if she wakes up she can not get out. I was doing milk at bed time but she was not really drinking it so I started to just put a bit of water and if she wanted it she chould or not it was ok. I think you should try that it will take some time for her but you just have to let her cry and just check on her to make sure she is fine. Good luck

Hi there,

I too have had trouble with my son sleeping in his own room so I understand your worry! Why not try and give her a bottle again in bed? Or be beside her until you feel she is settled and almost asleep? It seems to me you are not one to be overly strict and so might not agree with this but my son is nearly 14 months and has always gotten up for milk through the night, I realise now that he doesnt actually need it at his age so we just now let him cry it out when he cries in bed at night. He's safe, warm, fed, clean. Theres no issue except he doesnt want to be in bed. Tough, thats life. I let him get used to the fact that his cries won't be responded to. The most important thing about it is never going back and giving in, as that teaches him that if he does cry long enough we will give in. If you have the screen monitors where you can see her this is useful. I believe you know a cry if your child is in pain etc to just an upset cry and although it is hard, picking her up and moving bed etc is only teaching her that she doesnt have to get used to what is ulitmately nothing bad. I understand its hard but if you lay the line now, this issue wont continue into when shes 3, 4, 5 and can climb out of bed into your bed etc. She'll soon adjust again, she has before.

Thats my perspective of it, I hope it provides some food for thought. Good luck.

If you don't like her sleeping on the couch, would you consider putting her crib mattress on the floor and letting her sleep there?
My second daughter decided that she was ready to sleep in a bed instead of her crib at about 20 months, so maybe the transition is ok at this age.

A nightlight might help. Good luck.

I have a 16mo old that doesn't sleep through the night and will fight going in her crib...prefers mom & dad's bed. I have been reading through No Cry Sleep Solutions for Toddlers (E. Pantley) and she says that it takes 10-14 days before you see a change in behavior sometimes and a full month before a new habit is really established. We haven't started any "sleep training" per se, but the book has given me a better understanding of my girl's sleep habits/patterns and, I think, a little more patience to deal with it. We are getting ready to move so will probably wait till we're settled to try and set new sleep habits. We are considering changing the crib to a toddler bed, but I have the same concern...is it too soon? It would be easier for me to lay with her and have her fall asleep in her bed...but isn't that just starting another bad habit? On the other hand...I wouldn't want to sleep alone if I knew there was an alternative. A lot of cultures cosleep beyond infancy...and some kids need that comfort and reassurance. Ok, tangent into my own issues. But all of it to sy that you may just need to give her more time to adjust to the new routine. Keep comforting her through it and maybe she'll start feeling more comfortable going to bed in her crib without her bottle. Good luck!

My son (2 yrs, 4 months) has also been having trouble going down in his crib at night. We didn't have any major changes like you did, but I think he had a nightmare and has been scared ever since. We turned his nightlight from a dim to a brighter setting and keep his door cracked wider than we used to. We also leave a lot on in the hallway. This seems to work and he usually goes down without any trouble now.

Can you try a nightlight or hall light to see if that helps? I do know plenty of babies that switched from a crib to a bed by 18 months, so it's not too young if it's what you decide. I hope to keep my son in his crib till 2.5 or 3 yrs, just so I don't have to deal with him getting out and playing!

K.
http://oc.citymommy.com - the ultimate girlfriends network for OC moms!

i would bet money she's not scared, she's just mad you took the bottle away. i went through this with my 2.5 year old at about 15 months. i got tired of using bottles and went out and bought all sippy cups. it took about a week, but he learned to go to bed with nothing. if you are going to give her the cup at night, its just as bad as a bottle if it has milk in it. the point of ditching the bottle is to get the milk, juice, etc. off of her teeth!!! you don't want bottle rot, my friends little girl has all silver fake teeth because of this. you need to just suck it up and let her cry. she keeps at it because you're catering to her. you even mentioned it above, if you pick her up and soothe her she's fine, but when you put her back in her crib, all hell breaks loose. she's got you conditioned :) if you really think she's afraid of the dark, which i've never seen in a kid that little, get her a night light. when its time for bed, do her routine, tell her "its time for bed" or whatever you normally say, and shut the door. WALK AWAY FROM HER ROOM. go into your room, watch TV loud, or the radio, something. she may cry for a long time the first night or couple of nights, but if you're consistent, she will go to bed when she's supposed to. DO NOT CAVE AND GIVE HER BACK THAT BOTTLE. if she wakes up in the middle of the night, same thing. give her back her pacifier, pat her back, tell her "its time to sleep" and WALK OUT OF HER ROOM. the longer you continue to pick her up and remove her from the crib, the longer its going to take for her to adjust to the new change, which by the way, is the right thing for her. she does not need a bottle at 18 months. you are doing the right, responsible thing.

Honey, hate to say it, but she is yanking your chain! That fact is, no matter what path you choose to fix the problem, she is going to cry and scream. My daughter did this to me around the same age as your daughter. I was up a few times a night, and she wouldn't fall asleep unless I was in her room. I dreaded nighttime, and I was miserable. Then I found this book that absolutely changed my family's life. It gave me the tools to change her habits (and mine) and now (it took a few weeks before she stopped crying at bed time)she sleeps through the night for the most part. She is now potty trained and wakes up in the middle of the night to pee. (kind of a pain, but what can I do, she does pee)
Anyway, I STRONGLY suggest you email me at ____@____.com and I will forward it to you. (and anyone else who might need it)
I can't stress enough to you that being consistent, and repetitive REALLY works! They eventually get it in their little heads. You just have to be patient and mentally deal with the screaming and crying. Like I said in the beginning....they know how to yank your chain to get what they want.
Take away the couch bed, and continue giving her milk right before bedtime (outside of the crib), then brush teeth. I found with my daughter, she did really well with a very strict night time schedule.
Same time for every step, and I used the same wording each night. I also read her 3 books in her crib. The SAME 3 books. That way, she knew what to expect by the last book. After a few weeks, I alternated the first 2 books, BUT I always finished with the same book. Even now, I still read that last goodnight book to her. If I read her a different one, I will read it for a week straight. I can't stress enough to you about being consistent and repetitive.
Ok, so I hope I hear from you!! Good luck to you!
M.

Try a night light, most kids are afraid of the dark. Try reading her a story while she lays down and assure her that you are right in the next room. Maybe a teddy bear too :) good luck.

My daughter was in her "big girl" by the time she was 18 months. Not for any of the mentioned reasons but because we had another baby coming. I would just stick to what you are doing. She will adjust, she just needs some time. Some kids are tougher than others. You are doing the right thing!!!! Stay strong!!!!

Hey C.,
i think the bottle was her substitute for you at night. Have you thought about letting her sleep with you? Check out any of the Dr. Sears' books for more on that if it's not something you've thought/heard about.
J.

Hi C.. I also had issues with my daughter going to sleep at 18 months old. I decided to put her in a toddler bed with a rail. She was able to climb out of her crib anyway so i thought why not? I made a big deal of it, telling her it was her new big girl bed, she totally got the concept and was excited. The first few nights I just sat in the room with her for at first 15 or so minutes, I did not engage her, I would shush her a little, no eye contact. Once they realize they're not getting a response out of you they settle down and put themselves to sleep. This is very important for them to get. I then reduced the time I spent with her night by night. I also had a womb sounds bear that turned off after 45 minutes. My daughter went from a noisy house all day long to complete silence and I think little kids need a little sound, I dont think its harmful to help them to sleep. Now my daughter goes to sleep with classical music and a very dim nightlight.
She's 4. And she sleeps all night long. Stay strong and dont give in. Everybody deserves a good night's sleep. Hope this helps.

R.

p.s. dont feel bad about the milk thing either, she doesnt really need it and its just a kind of crutch, one that can give her cavities. So let her have the paci crutch for now and then take that crutch away around 2. They have alot of crutches to help them thru the tough times but eliminate gradually and youll find a balanced little kid who probably sucks her thumb!!