18 Month and Potty Training

L., you are entering ground that will test your relationship. Tread lightly. What we as moms out here think, will not matter. What you think, probably will not matter either. The point is this, you are at this time only the girl friend of the daddy. I hate to put it that way but it is the truth.

The little girls mother may have started too early. Maybe. But the point is that the decision is hers not yours. The little girls daddy, your boyfriend, will either work with her on this or he wont.

If you try to interfere you risk several things. First of all the little girl may be picking up on your frustration or reluctance. My daughter was ready at this age and yes we sat her on the pot even when she said no, she was trained early, it does work. You may cause problems for the mom and dad, making you look like the bad guy. Questioning a mothers decisions under these conditions is never something that goes well, without fallout.

The point is this, it doesnt matter if you are right or wrong, if the sky is blue or red. What matters is that her mother and father work together. Please do not create a problem for them, if it isnt working they will figure it out. If they are trying to work together to raise this child, be supportive and do what you can to help out. If you disagree then stand back and let him do it, but do not cause a problem for them.

This is just my 2 cents, I hope it helps.

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this is a battle that the parents arent going to win...the child is ultimately in control and if they keep knocking heads with her it is just going to make matters worse. I agree that 18 months is plenty old enough to be potty trained but this isnt a race...they need to relax...and let things move along at the daughters own pace...it will make for a happier little girl AND happier parents. BUT...you need to stay out of it...this is not something that you can really afford to have an opinion on. Let your bf and his ex work this out....this could turn into a minefield for you!!!

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my daughter was going on the potty to have a b/m at 18 months. She didn't like the potty chair so I bought the seat that sits on the big toilet. You may want to let her pick one of those out you can get them at walmart. That might make it easier since she is on a big pot.

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man that stinks. unfortunately it's his child and he has to make the call. it might be worth a shot discussing it with him...BUT...be prepared for him to get defensive. depends on what kind of guy he is. in the end it's his and ex's choice. does b/f respect your previous experience at all? if he has in the past, then maybe he'd be open to suggestions...otherwise just stick it out best you can, because if she's not ready (and it sounds like she's not), she'll make it clear to them. there's really not much you can do. but i would make sure he's right there with you dealing with the tantrums. it's only fair.

PS - you might want to find some good parenting websites and thoughtfully "share" with ex and b/f. maybe not this one since you're talking about them on it lol. but there are others that do basically the same thing...just a thought!

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It drives me crazy when people push their kids' development for their own personal gain. I would tell the mom to buy some re-usable diapers to cut down on cost and to let her 18 month old potty train when she's ready. You can do it!

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I agree with Sherrie,
I don't agree with what they are doing. But it really is their situation to figure out.

S.

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Well I disagree with those telling you to stay out of it. She should know that since they are a split couple, there is another "mother" figure besides her, just as if she found a man he would be a "father" figure.

You have her too when your bf does, so why would you stay out of it? I'm sure you love her too and want to be a mother figure because you love your boyfriend. I think staying out of it would be ignorant. After all YOU are taking her to the potty too, not just her biological parents. I would probably respect that she wants to start potty training, but at the same time I would be reasonable. I wouldn't make the girl do something if it's only making potty training worse. But keep introducing it, offer rewards, ...it's a slow process especially when you start early. I think it is great that you are working with her biological parents to help potty train her. You may possibly be this girls step mother some day after all... you are close to it now.

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In my opinion, having her sit on the potty every 15 minutes, especially if she doesn't understand yet why? is going to seem like a punishment to her. Try buying some "big girl" panties. Put them on her over her diaper and let her experiment with pulling them off and on. Let her know, when she does use the potty, how proud you are of her being a "big girl" now and not a baby anymore....good luck :)

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I just hate it when I hear stories like this. A child is usually not ready for potty training until the age of 2. Making a child sit on the potty every 15 minutes sounds a bit abusive to me. If they keep pushing the issue, they are only going to prolong the process. They knew when they had a child it was not going to be cheap and pushing something like this is only going to back fire on them.

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Taking a child to the bathroom every 15 min is only potty training the adults in the childs life. She will let you know when she is ready. Don't rush it... they are only little one time. Let them enjoy it and just love them for who they are. They are such a precious gift from God.
C.
Married mother of three, 12, 9 and 4, none of mine potty trained that early.

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The parents may be ready but the toddler isn't she may show the sings of readinesses but will often refuse when shown what to do some children it takes longer for them and others get it.Also her body may not be able to recognize when she has to go potty yet not that something is wrong with her by any means.Tell your bf not to push she is refusing to go potty if they put underwear on her and she goes in them several times a day they will get upset with her and be harder on the toddler be up front and let them know she isn't ready yet.

I think your right, Kids will potty train when they want to. Forcing it may backfire!! My cousin tried forcing their daughter to potty train, she's now 3 1/2 and doesn't want to have anything to do with going on the potty. When I was potty training my son, I was told by many friends, not to force it. Especially with pooping on the potty, because the child may decided to hold it in and not go. This can cause major health problems.

I know it's hard for you, since it's boyfriend's child. But maybe you can convince them that they should wait for a little longer. Especially since she's getting mad when you try to take her to the bathroom.

It has been my experience, and most others train of thought, that the more you push it when they aren't ready, the more resistant they will be when they are. It can become a control issue. I usually wait until they stay dry during naps, or start bringing me diapers when they are wet. I had one that potty trained early because she saw everybody else doing it. So, perhaps having her sit when mom does helps. But, I think 18 mos is quite early. I was lucky with my just turned 2yo, she was the earliest at being ready. She was number 6 and was hooked to my hip, so she started trying to sit on the little potty at 12 mos old.

Well you have your hands full I would say. Best thing to do L. is let mom & dad handle it.
Yes they can be potty trained at this age, but sounds like they have gotten more negative reactions then positive ones for the little one.
You can't force a child to pee on command.
Another thing if they have decided to for go the diapers, if she wets herself it's not fair to the little one to be punished for it either.

One other thing L., Don't give advice unless they ask for it. Makes you look like a know it all.. ;) Besides that, they probably won't take it anyway :)

Good Luck and just love the little girl, she will get there when she is really ready
K. Nana of 5

there are some good books, potty training 1-2-3, and early start potty training, but all emphasize that you cant potty train until the child is physically ready. In my opinion, a few more months of buying diapers is better than forcing the issue.

Are you serious about every 15 minutes ? If so, then no wonder the child doesn't want to go potty ! Sheeesh ! I would hate that too !
If you really want to train her, take her just before bed, and immediately upon waking (especially if she wakes with a dry diaper) and right after a meal.
After that, you can start sitting her on it every hour or two (I prefer 2) for 5 to 10 minutes. No longer than 10 minutes. It can cause problems with the sciatic nerve to sit on a potty too long. (adults AND children) Besides, after 10 minutes, she has forgotten why she is there anyway.

PRAISE success immediately and wholeheartedly.
Ignore accidents. Or just say some thing like "Well, maybe next time".

One of the best signs to look for to know if a child is ready to train, is if she wakes up with a dry diaper in the morning, even if it is only dry for a minute or two before she wets in it. This indicates the ability to control the right muscles, and a readiness to learn how.
Try to keep the potty right next to the bed, so you can get her on it QUICK when she wakes up dry. When she hears the tinkle, it will thrill her and she will get excited about going potty.

Wow, I hope her mother realizes it's too early and will wait until she's ready. The price of diapers is not worth it!!!

All kids are different. I was already potty trained by 15 months or something crazy like that. We started my daughter on the potty at 18 months and she just turned 2 in August and can finally wear big girl panties!! It took her a long time to get it but shes finally there. One day it just clicked with her. I would keep sitting her on the potty... every 15 min seems excessive, I would say every hour on the hour or so, but if she doesnt potty, dont push it. We did every hour at 18 months just so she got used to the potty and sitting on it regularly. We never expected her to go nor did we scold her if she went in her diaper or didnt go on the toilet when it was time. She got used to sitting on it and sometimes we were lucky enough to see her go if the timing was just right. When she finally got the concept we implemented the M&M system. If she pottied she got 1 M&M for being a big girl. She really looked forward to it and I didnt have to worry about her getting too much junk food with only 1 M&M!! Good luck, be patient. Right now is the time to get her used to it, not the time to push her to actually go in the toilet. You dont want her fighting you when you take her to the bathroom, so just be cool about it and she will pick up on that vibe and be cool about it too.

Also if the price of diapers/pull-ups is an issue you can get on the Huggies, Pampers, or Luvs website and register to receive coupons. Where I live Huggies and Pampers cost the same (I like Pampers Pull-Ups better than Huggies) but Huggies coupons are $1.50 off and Pampers are only $1.00 off so I go with the Huggies because theyre cheaper! Coupons for diapers and such sure do save a lot of money. Take a few minutes and clip em, it will pay off as far as your pocketbook goes!

I agree with the previous posts...tread lightly!
But I see no harm in telling your b/f that you've noticed that his daughter seems frustrated and that, in your humble opinion (even if it's truly less than humble as you've already raised 4 kids past this point! LOL), she just might not be ready to potty-train. I'd then tell him some of the signs you watched for in your kids when they were ready and how it is much easier for them when they are truly ready. And then end the conversation with, "just my 2cents since I've been there, I'll do whatever you and X prefer", and give him a smooch. Keep it casual, then do your best to stick with what they decide.
Good luck.

18 months is way too early to potty train even for a girl. My daughter is very advanced in all ways and she was 2 years 5 months when she was fully trained. It was really simple then, because she was ready. You must want until the child is ready.

ok, not to sound like a complete jerk-this is not your place to say anything. You should remember this is NOT your child and you need to respect the mothers wishes-even if you don't agree. I am a single mother who loves my daughter more than anything in this world and believe me, if her daddy's girlfriend was trying to have an opinion about how I raised my daughter, I would be EXTREMELY mad as it is not her place. Sounds like you are an older mom and things have changed over the years, there is absolutely nothing wrong with wanting to potty train at 18 months. A lot of baby books now days suggest that 18 months is an appropriate age to potty train. You should realize your place in this childs life, and let the mom and dad make the decisions-and you should not question them, but respect their wishes.

Well your the one with experence you'd think they'd listen to you! Most kids aren't ready until at least 2 years. Their little bodies just arn't ready until then. Both my girls were 2 1/2 before they would have anything to do with the potty. My step-sister (who has 3 girls and 2 boys) had told me to wait until 2 1/2 and then it would be a breeze. I listened to her and she was right. I tried with my oldest girl at 2 and it was a fight, at 2 1/2 she was eager and willing to use the potty. There is nothing wrong with introducing the potty at 18 months and if they take to it, then wonderful. But if they are not ready then it may end up taking longer. Good luck!

If the baby is not physically ready, no matter how much you try to potty train her, it won't happen. It will just make her resistant to trying anything in the future, when she actually is ready.

There is a nerve-muscle connection that tells the brain how to control the sphincter and urinary muscles that are used when going to the bathroom. Peeing or pooping on the potty, voluntarily, cannot happen until this nerve-muscle connection is complete. This does not usually happen until around 24 months of age.

So, until then, she does not have control over when she goes on the potty, and of course, this would be very frustrating for her.

Some signs of readiness are, telling or showing you when they are wet/dirty; using potty related words, being able to pull pants up or down; not liking a wet diaper; etc. If she is not showing multiple signs, and not closer to 24 months, she is not ready.

I have a "Potty Packet" that we give parents where I work. It has a check list of the readiness signs and an article explaining what I explained earlier, along with some other info. Send me a message and I would be happy to mail it to you so you can pass along the info to her mom.
Best wishes, C. G