18-Year-old Son Not Interested in Getting a Job

Why don't you just have him do chores around the house for gas money, etc. I think it is good for kids to learn that money doesn't just grow on trees.

I'm a new parent but also 4 years out of college. I worked 2 jobs (not stressful ones) in college and I benefitted greatly from it. It kept me on track in school. Young adults (especially boys) need to stay busy. If there is to much time on his hands then he will veer from the path. This is going to prepare him for the real world because as we all know, you have multiple responsibilities after college. Getting a job will only help him and teach him time management and responsibility.

If you think he can handle a job, which it sounds like you do you should definitley push it. I think I would cut off his date and gas money. You know what they say about neccessity being the mother of all invention! Good luck.

I don't think you need to push him into getting a job, just cut off the money supply for everything except gas. I would give hime a specific amount each week in gas money according to how much he should need and then whatever else he needs money is his responsibilty. He will figure it out that if he needs more money, he is going to have to get a job. I worked every night after school starting at age 15 and I maintained a 4.0 gpa on top of it, so it is not impossible, he just wants to be "lazy" and enjoy his free time while mom and dad pay for it, like evry teen does. My parents could not afford to pay for me, so they paid for my car to get to school and work, but the rest was up to me, and I am grateful for the lessons it taught me about providing and supporting myself.

School is almost out. He should be looking for a summer job now. I would cut off all monies for dates, gas and fun alot of kids are expected to even pay their own insurance. He is capable of providing most of this.
We have an excellent son, never in a bit of trouble. He worked thru High School and did sports. When he got into second year college with "idle" time he got into trouble with drugs and lost 3 years of his life. He almost lost his life totally. Our other sons carries 19 hours in college and pushes himself to work fulltime too. This is not at our request, but we feel he has seen how it all can be lost so quickly. SO especially with these economic times and wanting him to prepare for HIS future you are not asking anything unreasonable... May God Bless you family and the adjustment of one going off to college... That is the hardest thing when one leaves for school.

Well, we are only a few weeks away from school being out, so honestly, I might let it go until the summer comes, but he should be out scouting summer jobs right now. They may not be super easy to come by, so trying to wait a week or two into the summer just wont cut it. Honestly, during the summer, I would not give him any money, unless you want to pay him a typical allowance, but really, IMO that ends when you are big enough to get a job. He should get to enjoy these last few weeks, but if he is not looking for a job, then I guess he does not need gas for his car. PERIOD!! I have seen my mom try to be helpful and give in to my brother for too long now, so it is better to just set up the expectations immediately and stick to it! Good luck, and congratulations on raising an obviously pretty good kid:) ~A.~

You know, kids have so much now a days they don't have to work and parents give in.

My daughter is dating a young man that pays for everything, clothes, phone, truck, gas, haircut, her, everything and even food sometimes. I thought that was tough love but the kid is very responsible and will do better than most of his peers when he is an adult in this financially troubled society.

If you want him to work more, pay him less. When he goes to college, have him work for his spending money or you might just see him when he gets out at your front door for more of a free ride.

If he is an A student and has the extra time, have him take college credit courses while he is a senior instead of a part time job. Maybe you all need to sit with him and decide what is best for all. If you are having money difficulties then it should be time he pulls his own weight.

Its all on what you are willing to enforce.

Dianna,
Looks like you have gotten some great advice. But I had a couple of things I'd like to throw out, too.

My daughter (16 y.o) didn't want to get a job either. Why would she? We paid for everything, gave her spending money, bought all of her clothes, etc. It doesn't teach your child responsibility to do that. So, we did tell her when we got her car that she had to pay for half of the insurance and gas. That totals $100 a month. Babysitting wasn't going to get her that much cash.

With her age, we started talking about college and life. I asked her how she thought she would get a job after college if she had never had a job and no experience.

We talked about what kind of place she would like to work at and she FINALLY came up with something. She applied at 3 places and got a job. Hallelujah!

She works about 15 hours a week with the hours mostly on the weekends, but usually one night a week. And, she loves her job. Plus, she is learning the responsibility of paying for her car and insurance.

I understand the "let them be a kid" but there is a point they have to grow up and learn responsibility.

Good luck!!

I say tell him to get a job!! If he's able to come home and sleep and play computer games then he's perfectly capable of getting a job. If he's doesn't learn responsibility now when is he going to learn it? He's already an adult. My 18 yr. old (who has 3 older brothers and a younger sister) has been working since he turned 16. Having a job helps kids to develop responsibility and independence. My son is graduating with a 3.5 GPA. Not bad for a kid who had to work during high school.

Dianna,
School is not far off in finishing. He's doing good in school. IMO leave him alone. He works on the weekend and soon he will be in college. I see a kid trying to enjoy the last of his childhood, because once he is in college then heck yeah get a job for the extras. If you feel you are giving him too much money, budget him. For example, Mom and Dad will provide only one tank of gas every two weeks. And we (this means you) are not responsible for providing money for dates, dinners, outings.
My mom never allowed me to get a job until after I finished high school and I was greatful. My friend was required to work the moment she turned 16 and she is soooo resentful.
This is just my opinion. Congrats on your son's impending graduation.

Where does he get the money for gas, dates, etc. I don't have a teenager, but if I did, they would get a small allowance (for good grades and chores) and that's it. The rest he can get on his own with a J...O...B...just my opinion though. Now...if he were spending all of his free time studying, school sports, etc. that would be different.

If it were my son, I think I would tell him it's too stressful for YOU to give him money for gas, dates, etc. Then he may decide to get a job on his own. : )

Speaking from both sides, as a former working student and now a parent, here is my thought. School should come first, and if he really believes that his schooling will suffer if he takes a part time job, then he needs to make the mature decision to stop working and focus on school. HOWEVER, as an 18 year old ADULT, he needs to realize that the choice not to work will also result in him not having his own money.

You as his parents do not need to be paying for dates with his girlfriend or his gas (except possibly the gas he uses driving back and forth from school if that is the only means he has of getting to school.)

This is a great opportunity for your son to learn to prioritize and make sacrifices. It could also be a great opportunity for him and his girlfriend to have a good conversation about how they are going to help each other with their goals. If his goal is to do well in school and still have time left to spend quality time with his girlfriend, he should explain to her that they're going to have to come up with cheaper dates because quality time with her is more important than where they go on a date.

What's more, this will prepare him for making decisions in college too. I worked part time every semester in college except for my first semester freshman year and my last semester senior year. That senior year I decided I needed to focus 100% on my classes and my relationship with my fiance, so I stopped waiting tables. It was a good decision, since I spent basically every waking hour working on my senior project, but it did mean a lot less fun money that semester.

This is a very busy time of the year for graduating seniors and (a very expensive time of the year too). Are his requests for money outrageous? If they are, I would ask him to rebudget or see about getting a few more hours on his Saturday job. With one month to go, I don't think I'd force him to get another job until after graduation. It might be difficult to arrange a second work schedule around time that he will need off for graduation activities (senior week activities, graduation, parties). However, he could be thinking about and applying for some summer jobs! That will help him earn some spending money for college.

When I turned 16 and got my first vehicle, my mom told me that she would be happy to pay for my gas to school only, buy me clothes from Wal-Mart etc. and if I wanted extra gas/designer clothes etc. that I could get a job and buy the things myself...didn't take me long to get a job and I was motivated and happy to work because I wanted $$ to go out with my friends etc. It helped that most of my other friends got small jobs also.

Visit this website
www.loveandlogic.com
This is an awesome tool for parents. Classes, seminars, books and CDs.
Some school libraries carry books and CDs.

If your son is old enough to drive and go on dates, then he is also old enough to pay for his own gas, insurance and dates.
No money? No use of the car!
You and your husband are not dating this girl. Your son is. He can spend on his girlfriend.

This program is great! Gives the parents all the power. Also teaches parents how to raise responsible children.

Your son is going to college. He should learn how to be financially responsible now.

Good Luck!

IMO, Put it on him. Provide him with X amount of $ for his extracurricular stuff, including gas, girlfriend, computer games, etc. He can budget that however he chooses and can choose to cut back on what your amount doesn't cover or to work additional hours to make up the rest. He's got a great deal, and the cost of that is listening to parents fuss at him at little. Make your decision about the amount, be firm and let him make the choices from there on out. "It's too stressful" is code for "I want all that I want in my life and don't really want to work for it". This would give him a chance to see what he really values and would make parents feel less stressed about it.

I can understand waiting till he graduates from high school but here is an option that my parents used with my sister... it was her first college summer home and they told her she had two weeks to find a job or they would find one for her... she didn't and they did, Mom walked in and told her she was signed up to be a candy striper at the hospital, and to be there monday morning at 7:00am, she got the lesson really quick. although they paid for her expenses she was still being productive and learning a very good work ethic, (my parents were financially able to manage her expenses) She is now a head Nurse and just an amazing woman with a lot of drive and determination that she didn't have at that point. I do believe that high school students need to pay their own expenses for clothes and play time, I don't mind the idea of helping out with Insurance and college tuition. but play time is their responsibility, I know I paid for all my clothes and play time (way back then)

I have a 17 yr. old and she works 25 hours a week, she enjoys having her own money and she pays for her auto insurance. We want her to know that everything is not free!! She has shown great responsibility in working and using her money and has started a savings account. I only have 1 child at home and can afford to give her money, but I think I am teaching her a valuable lesson. Stop the money train now!!
BW

Give him a date....say on this date we will no longer pay for x, x and x. He's 18, and he's got the time to work. Once he goes a week or two without any money to do anything, he'll get the picture.

I think that if he is getting out of school that early and has time to sit around and play games and sleep, then he has time for a part time job. I had TWO part time jobs in high school my senior year and it didn't affect my grades at all. I had to pay my car payment, insurance, gas and anything I wanted to go out and do (movies, etc). WalMart is really good about keeping the hours short during the week and the pay isn't bad for a high school student.
I wouldn't be paying for date nights or gas that isn't being used to get to school or work.

Dear Dianna:

After reading your letter I wanted to pass on what my parents did with myself and my siblings. We were told in high school that school was our job and we did not have to work during the school year. We were expected to find jobs in the summer or we ended up working for them.

With that said, my parents paid for school related activities throughout the year, playing sports, et cetera. However, we had to pay for gas, entertainment, dates, that type of thing. It was our choice to save money from the summer and have it for fun year-round or to work through the school year to finance fun.

Let your son work the way he wants, he's only in high school once. If he runs out of money and can't pay for the movies with his girlfriend, it's his problem and he can deal with it.

L. F., mom of a 13-year-old daughter

My initial reaction was He** Yes! But, adding a job at the end of his senior year with finals coming up may be a bit stressful. I would, with his dad, sit down and talk about the job issue - tell him that you will allow him to continue his job of school until he graduates but once he's graduated, that he has to get another job - not AFTER summer break, but one that will start once he's finished with school. That will give him about a month to look for and find a job. He does need to start now, tho - he won't be the only one out there looking for a job.
My daughter worked because she wanted to from the time she was 15. Once she graduated from high school, that paycheck would become her means of support unless she went to college. If she chose not to go to college, then she would pay rent and part of the household bills while she was living at home. She did take one semester off while living at home & did 'pay her bills'. This is something we talked about before graduation so she would be prepared for the 'grownup' responsibilities.
I wish you the best of luck with your son.
Frances

Even if he doesn't have a job I am sure most of his friends have one and will be busy during the summer. Don't push getting a job, just give him less money and remind him that to get things one has to work for them, let him be an adult and figure out that maybe he should get a job. Since he likes sports he can work for a summer program teaching those skills to younger children.

In a word, YES. You should push the issue. An 18 year old is quite old enough to understand that his activities cost money and is also quite old enough to understand that if you will pay for them, he can nap and play computer games. I would provide him a hard date....two weeks hence....and let him know that after that date you will be providing him no support other than his room for sleeping, groceries in the kitchen for eating, and whatever is required (not desired) to complete his education. If he wants gas for the car, money for a date, etc., he will have to earn it himself.

You need to teach him how to save/spend $ while he's still living with you or he's going to be back A LOT asking for $ to help pay for things............because he spent his $ on things he really didn't need (like eating out).

If he has the time for sleep and computers, then he has the time for a job. He needs to learn that responsibility now and if you don't force it (like he has to pay for his car insurance/gas or can't go any where in the car), then he won't be able to do it very easily/comfortably when you're not there either.

You don't have much time left to teach him this, but I'd certainly sit down with him and explain the need. Also, he needs to learn how to deal with his time now too.............college gives him a very flexible schedule and can cause a student not to work or cause them not to study when they aren't in classes/working. He needs to learn how to use every minute of his day wisely and figure out now, while still under your wing, that he IS an adult now and things will be a lot harder in his near future. Hopefully he won't have to pay for college, but there are still a lot of other things out there (like toiletries, etc) that he needs to get into the practice of paying for on his own so that as he weans off of you finacially, it won't be such a shock or struggle in the future.

Look at it this way. My parents died in a car accident when I was 21 (totally unexpected). I had NO CLUE as to how to truly handle things financially........you are there to help him (esp. right now) and don't want him to have issues later on when you can't always be around.

You have set a presidence already by paying for everything. You need to set him down before summer and tell him your expectations for him financially. It's not about him being a great kid. It's about obediance towards his parents and taking responsibility as a man. My daughter is 16 without a job. She is in after school sports, cheerleading, and takes AP classes. We bought her a car, but she has to buy her gas and inspection stickers. So she babysits, and is getting a summer job.

In college, you will be funding all his fun but you won't know what that really means. Figure it out now, and if he wants or needs more, he knows what to do....WORK!!
This is a valuable life lesson.

i didn't read all of the responses but here is a scary thought (but a reality check) Kids in college gets TONS of credit card applications. Some kids gratduate college with thousands of credit card debt. and some of them make the first financial discision of their adult lives to declare bancrupcy! Now is the time to teach him how to be financially stable. who else is going to teach him? i'd rather my son lose a little of his childhood than spend the rest of his life regretting and paying for mistakes that could have been prevented.

I remember well my last two months of senior year, even though it was 17 years ago! I kind of stumbled into a job (a new restaurant opened up and I applied and got hired the day they started taking applications) in April, and ended up having to take off every Saturday for prom, UIL, senior parties, or graduation activities, and most weeknights were out because I still had a ton of homework. Two weeks after I started, the manager and I agreed that it would be best if I took off till after graduation. My parents hadn't been pushing me to work, so they didn't mind that I took off. (As it turned out, the restaurant replaced me and wouldn't hire me back, but c'est la vie!)

I agree with other posters that you shouldn't give him an excessive amount of money, but I think this late in the school year you should just nudge him to start looking for a summer job. This is a really important and busy time for graduating seniors, and I know from experience that it was very hard to try to get used to balancing a new job with all of those activities.

Who is paying for his non-essentials now? If he has no money, and can not pay for his fun stuff, then he will have to get a job or not go and blow. Let him suffer natural consequences for his actions. "No work...no play" works at my house. I don't 'insist' that the boys get a job, but I don't pay for anything that is not essential, and I do mean essential, for them. They have bare bones rooms (no Play Station, computer, etc. that I pay for), they get food (only what I cook, or leave for them to prepare for themselves)and minimal clothes (not designer anything). Period. It is amazing what they "have" to have when it is on their dime. Good luck.

I have to say I agree with your son that school is his job. This really should be his top priority. He is working on Saturday, which is great. Plus, you say he is about to graduate...just let him get through the rest of the semester and then have him get a job that starts once he is done. He has the rest of his life to work...whats a few more weeks of being a kid?
Once he goes on to college, a part-time job would be totally reasonable to help pay for his expenses and begin teaching him responsibility in the grown-up world.
Good luck!

I would personally stop paying for his dates and too much extra gas... Yes, he has one priority and that is school, everything else is extra... I wouldn't force him to work right now, I'd hope he keeps his grades up, especially if he is attending college. I know he needs down time and computer and such are that, however, going on a date, that is his responsibility. And for the summer, makes good sense to have a full time job if he's not in sports or something that stops him from having one. He can save some extra money for college because he'll need it...

I wouldn't be pushing too much since he is planning on college in the fall. I have a 16 year old and while he still seems to want to talk to us alot, he did go through a period where he didn't. If your son is doing well in school, I would trust his judgement that a job might be too much. As far as those activities, those can be very important for boys in destressing and unwinding from their day - perhaps in much the same way that a daughter might chat with friends or her mother. Both my sons seem to need to do similar activities after school - it's allowed after homework or for a short while before homework if they don't have too much.

I stopped working during the school year when I was in my junior year of high school - I did pick back up my senior year AFTER taking SATs and doing all the college applications. However, I had no choice as I got NO money from my parents, even for clothes. My sons get an allowance that they must use for the extras and we put part of it in a savings acct every week). I have suggested for years that they save more of their cash on hand for when they are going out more and expenses go up. They are pretty good about that and buy extra stuff they want on their own. For the summer, I do suggest, you don't give your son $s beyond a nominal amount each week. If he wants money, he should consider a summer job. Also, you don't mention if he helps at all around the house. My sons have daily and weekend chores that are MUSTs to have their privileges - trash, dishes and laundry.

Stop giving him money.

OK. I read through many of the responses and disagree a bit about the approach. He is 18. You can be honest and flat out explain that you can't afford to keep doing things as you have in the past. (You will have to treat him as an adult if you expect him to make adult choices. Telling him the situation also gives you the chance to reassure him of your love and that you aren't "punishing" him.) We can/will give you X amount as an allowance. We expect you to replace any gas used in the car and the rest is up to you. If the gas isn't replaced, then you will have to go out using other transportation.

He works 1 day a week and is a good student so has the capacity to be responsible. If he is in extra-curricular sports, etc, I'd say let him enjoy his last few months as a kid... but he is on a short schedule and then goofing off. Let him choose how to respond. He may decide to be broke a month or two and whine/cajole/attitude you. As long as you and your husband on united on this, he will have to recognize that you are serious and holding your ground.

He is at the age that you can't really make him do anything. You, however, can choose to act and react differently. No need to push. It is what it is. Better he flop around a bit broke at home than off at a college where you have no authority or access to supervise.

He should get no allowance. He is old enough to not get one.
Computer...it costs money to be online. Time to tell him it will cost him.
He is not stressed from school if he is out a good 2 hours beforehis peers, can nap and play on the computer. Stressed means, no time for naps or games.
If he is borrowing your car...he has to put in gas. If it is his car, make him responsible for gas and insurance.
Real life has bills. Summer is almost here...does he expect to be home all day on the computer...time to think of a password that will not allow him access. Real life can possibly mean, no computer or internet, no phone, or no car.
Which is needed more...in regards to a job...a car and a phone.
It is not a case of another job, just get more hours where he is working.
And the you pay for it you go too sounds good.

You could have a little fun with this...

Parents: What you pay for - you participate in. It goes like this:

You pay for a date - you go along.
You pay for clothes - you pick them out.
You pay for entertainment - you pick it (Polka music is fun)

Now if he wants to have the decision making power, he pays like an adult, from money he has earned - like an adult - and mom and dad can go back to their own lives. Mom, don't forget to dress like a teenager for your date!

This won't take long. Have FUN!

I agree with Christina S. We want our children to learn to be responsible, and that they have to work if they want to eat and play. I understand that school can be stressful, but so is life. You can not just opt to relax and not do stressful things. He is an adult now, and is responsible for himself.

At the very least he should be saving to go away to school. If he is going away that is. I grew up in Michigan and went to School in N. Carolina, and once I got to school I realized how much spending money I needed being on my own(sort of-I lived in a dorm) then I wished I had worked all summer and saved my money! Unless you plan on continuing to pay for all his extra's once he's at school too!

I chuckled when I read your post because when my husband left the Navy and went back to college he couldn't balance work and school either. He is very intelligent, a Mensa member, but he explained to me that he couldn't focus on the task at hand and that he was always distracted by the other. So it may not be a motivation issue but a focus issue. That is why he can work on Saturday but not after school, it just takes too much to switch gears. As long as his grades are not falling maybe he could work more on Saturday. If he is going to have to pay his way through college then this year might be a great time to get him started on the balance issue. Tell him that school grants and loans will pay his way through school but not for all those fun things that college student's like to do. So unless he wants to be a true full-time student and finish quickly and have no fun for four years, he is going to have to learn to work and balance school. Another idea that you may need to clarify to him is yes he will spend less time in class in college but the amount of personal responsibility for studying increases so being able to change gears is essential. Maybe if him and a friend could get a job together one or two afternoons a week it would help him get motivated. I know my husband loves Valeting as it is an active job that is a true change from sitting at a desk to study. If he has a clean driving record that is a good paying job with great flexibility. My husband also works for UPS p/t, he started as a loader, which is physically hard but the benefits are great. They support college students too with health insurance and full time benefits after the first year. He may be turned off by the idea of flipping burgers or retail, if he is into sports he could coach or train younger kids. If he likes computers he can charge for teaching other people how to set them up and install programming and external hardware. There are so many options that are open even in this economy. Good luck and don't stress yourself or him out over it.

Cut off the money supply for everything including Gas - only pay for school related items.

I have one graduating this year - I know what I am talking about.

Don't give him any money. If I wanted to pay for gas, dates, ect. at that age, I had to pay for them myself (as I should have). He'll be wanting a job soon enough. Too stressful? Give me a break. I was waiting tables 5 days a week when I was 16. :) Our kids are getting too soft. By not paying for his 'extra-curricular' activities, he'll learn some responsibility. Money doesn't grow on trees - it comes from working hard. :)

I agree with him. School is his job. He already works on Saturdays, which is reasonable, but I wouldn't heap too much more on him during the school year.

But, with summer coming up, he needs to be looking for a job now. Explain to him that graduation changes things and while you are happy to support him in this, this and this way, all other financial support will halt on x date. If he wants to continue to have money, he'll need to get a job.

Turn off the electrical breaker switch to his room.
Do not give him any cash. By cutting off the cash flow will perhaps make him get another part-time job. There's a ton of kids that work part-time even full time and maintain a senior schedule.

And if he thinks you are a terrible parent, tell him to think twice at who is providing what for him at this time.

Good luck.

At 18, he definitely needs to begin to learn about how to manage money and responsibility. It is not at all ourageous to expect him to have a part-time job and pay for all his extra unnecessary expenses (gas,dates,movies, etc). Although, I don't know that very many places would want to hire someone only wanting to work 10hrs/week; I'd shoot for something more like 15-20 hrs/week. A good place to look into for minimum hours would be a pizza place, like a delivery driver. I think you should stop paying for his extras and tell him if he needs more money than what he makes on Saturdays to cover his expenses, then he will have to find more employment. If he has early release and spends most of that time just hanging out, than a few more hours a week is not going to put him over the edge.

Does he do any household chores?? Maintaining the yard, washing cars, doing his laundry, etc??? If not, you could add these chores and give him an allowance for them. If he chooses not to help more around the house then I wouldn't fund all of his entertainment. It's his choice if he wants to earn $ to do these things right? Good luck.

Hi Dianna. I would think that the time to insist that your son get a job was two years ago when you first started talking to him about it. I don't know how much good it will do to try to make that happen now, with only months before he goes off to college and the economy in the shape it's in. What you can do though is clamp down on funding his lifestyle... make him earn an allowance by helping out around the house, or stop giving him money for gas and dates. He is too old not to be contributing somehow. You also ought to prepare him for what will happen when he goes to college; set how much and how often you will put $$ into his account and when it's gone, it's gone. Otherwise he will never learn how to live within his means.

As much as this might drive you crazy, at 18 I recommend that you let him make his own decisions. However, I would also suggest not giving him any money and see what that does to his ambition. The hardest thing to remember about our kids is that they are not us. His 'balance' between responsibilities and down time might not mirror your own perception of what that ought to be. It's time to let him blaze his own trail. Best of luck.

If money's an issue, just say you respect his decision to not get a job to focus on school, but that means he won't have as much money for his girlfriend or for gas. Let him make the decision of whether or not it's worth the extra stress. If you give him money, he has little incentive to go and work for it himself.

If he already has one job I would tell him, there is your date money, if you need more you'll have to earn more. Personally though, 2 jobs seems a bit much- he'll learn what it is to be out in the working world soon enough, let him have a couple of months to be a kid before reality has to hit. I sure miss the days of being cared for! Warn him though- after graduation you have 30 days to get a paycheck because you're an adult now... or something

You've had a ton of responses so I'll keep it short. Unless financially you need him to work, let him enjoy his last bit of freedom while he can. After college his life is going to be about a job and never again will that not be a worry. My parents did not force me to work in HS or college. I did get a small part time job in college so I could pay for myself to go to Spring Break but that was it. Not having to worry about a job makes the experience so much more enjoyable. I agree with your son. School is a job, but on the other hand since it is I would expect all A's and B;s. If this isnt happening then he needs to put more hours into studying.

Based on what you are saying, it seems like you are giving him money for gas, dates, etc., so why should he get a job? Simply say, we are only able to give you $X.XX each week for spending money. You need to use that money for gas, food, dates, etc. Anything you need over that will have to come out of your paycheck. If you feel you can live on what you are making great!

I do not think that 10 hours a week is asking too much. Our son is also 18 and has a part-time job working 10 to 20 hours a week. We went through a similar situation with him except in our case he was just too lazy.....He wanted to go to school and have his social time and computer/video game time. We finally had to put our foot down and tell him that we were no longer going to pay for all of his "fun stuff" he needed to get a job. He is in AP classes, is currently taking a weekend college course (Sundays)and still manages to do his schoolwork, hang out with his friends, go to the gym, and see his girlfriend (granted not on a daily basis). I feel that since he is now 18 he needs to start taking some responsibilty for himself and learn how to work for a living as in no time at all he will be doing exactly that. Hope that helps and Good Luck.

STOP paying for the extras. Doing so is just enabling him to NOT get a real job. I too have an 18 yr old son. DH and I have been trying to get him to work since he was 16 but his Bio Mother kept telling him to "be a kid" as long as he can. Now he is a Senior and FINALLY has a job because he bought a car and we told him we would NOT be paying for Gas ect. He needed to get a job to pay for it.

Let him be a kid a little while longer. His whole life is about to change with college and, since he is working one job, he is showing responsibility. If it is a matter of not being able to afford the things he wants, tell him you just don't have the money. Then if he wants to have the extras, he can make the choice to work more. I definitely wouldn't force it at this point.

Quit giving him money. He can walk to school. He will get a job when he can't date. Don't give him a dime.

D. Kimbriel
Grandma to 2 beautiful boys

Make him get a part time job, especially if he gets out at 1pm! I worked part time, was on swim team and dated and studied and all that. When he runs out of money for dates and going out with his friends and gas for the car, he will come to you for cash and that is a bad habit. I always liked having the freedom money gave me. I liked NOT having to ask for money. I saved lots of money before college started, and I was able to use the money as I wished. I made more money than my boyfriend at the time. I used it to pay for my long distance calls to him since he was at a different college from me. It's a reasonable request that you have him pay for his dates, going out with friends, and gas. After I got married, I was working part time and going to graduate school full time. I took 12 to 15 hours of coursework. Graduate school is way harder than college. College is way harder than high school, and I thought high school was hard. But I took hard classes. It can be done, but that was the hardest I ever worked. I felt bad for my friend who had no choice but to work full time and was in graduate school full time. I had no kids at the time either so it made it easier. I did not have to work while I was in college because I saved up so much money and my parents gave me a break from having to work while in undergraduate school. I took summer classes and my parents didn't make me work while I was taking summer classed for college. So maybe that could be your compromise: work now and when college starts he doesn't have to work. Tell him that we all have to do certain things we don't like to do, like homework, laundry, dishes, etc... Working is one of them. That's why it is so important to do well in college so you don't have to take the kinds of jobs we take while we are in high school. Good luck!

Absolutely! I would end the hand outs for his dating, gas, etc... If he wants to go out bad enough then he'll find a job. A schedule that lets him out at 4:00 is NOT that stressful! I have the opposite problem with my daughter. She is desperately looking for a job and hasn't been able to find one. She works out at the horses on Saturdays where she takes lessons but she doesn't get paid because it's a barter for free lessons. I would be very firm with him and explain to him that once he is out on his own he will have to support himself so he needs to learn some skills now! Good luck!