22 answers

17 Year Old Wanting to Spend Way Too Much Time with His Girlfriend!

I need some advice before I do something drastic to hurt my relationship with my 17 year old son! He has had a girlfriend for 6 months now (he is 17, she is 15) and they spend way too much time together. I do know her parents, and am surprised how much time they allow the kids to spend together. They are great parents, but my son is at her house all the time. I want him home more. I told him he has to be home 2 nights a week, but he always makes sure those nights fall when it is impossible for them to be together. I feel like she makes him feel bad for not being with her all the time, but feel like they are being way too grown up for their age. What do you recommend for how much time they should be allowed to spend together? When I was growing up, we weren't allowed to do anything on school nights, weekends only. But I don't want him to despise me - what is reasonable (he is very athletic, so his sports schedule is also affected by his decision to spend so much time with her)

What can I do next?

Featured Answers

Sounds like me and my hubby. My parents never tried to keep us apart. Marriage and almost 3 kids later, still looooove him! ;)

4 moms found this helpful

Hey if his grades aren't affected let him. I mean her parents are there. The more you tell him no the more he's going to want to spend time with her.I have a 14yr old that loves spending time with her b/f would daily if it could happen if not talk on phone every day..i'ld rather have it happen where they are monitored than off alone or lying on meeting.. bad things happen that way

2 moms found this helpful

More Answers

Sounds like me and my hubby. My parents never tried to keep us apart. Marriage and almost 3 kids later, still looooove him! ;)

4 moms found this helpful

My parents had blanket rules- not, you can;t hang our with the boyfriend x amount, but you must be home on school nights unless you are at a sports practice. Friday and saturday night you can stay out until 11 pm and we must know where you are and who you are with.

I think this makes sence - make ground rules that apply to all social activities and then enforce them. If you make it about the girl, it is likely to make him resentful. If you make it about these are the household rules, then he may not like it, but at least you have a real and consistant justification for what you are asking of him. My dad used to tell me "your mother and I don't go out on nights when we have to work the next morning - school is your job." He was trying to show me that this is a habit of responsible adults, not an arbitrary rule.

Good luck!!

3 moms found this helpful

I think you miss your son and would like to spend more time developing your relationship with him as he ages. And I think it's easier to view this as a 'parenting' issue or a 'girlfriend' issue than to own up to the fact that you simply love your son and want to spend more time with him. I think that is beautiful:) Start to look for commonalities that you and he can do for one-on-one time and enjoy your relationship as it changes from parent-child to parent-friend. This new dynamic can seem scary, which is why it's often overlooked in order to view things negatively that are standing in the way of you fostering this relationship with your son.

I'm not sure I'm communicating very well, but if you start to hear yourself saying things like "I never did that" or "when I was your age" or "what's wrong with the girlfriend/her parents/my son"...well, you are going off path and joining forces with....YOUR PARENTS!!!

"I never did that" = of course you didn't, you were your own person with your own experiences, different parents, and different views of self and others.

"When I was your age" = you were never really your children's age entirely...different economy, different pop culture, different trends, different technology, different....this list really goes on and on.

"What is wrong with ____ is..." = you are inserting others into your relationship with your son who have nothing to do with your relationship.

IF you want him to spend less time with his girlfriend, what is it you want him doing? Because he is his own entity, shouldn't he have a say in how he chooses to spend his time?

I'm not saying this to be a butt head...truly! I just think you are close to your son typically and feel less close to him and it hurts because you enjoy being close to him. So set up one day a week...doesn't have to be the same day...where it's mother/son day (although, maybe a different label might seem more appealing to a teen?!).

Have fun with this, get to know him with just you two and get to know him around his girlfriend. Just know he will always have his mama and all the wonderful memories of time spent with you. Girlfriends come and go, but you are a constant. Start prioritizing time for you both (he has no say once per week!) and one day he'll appreciate the constant mama presence...he probably appreciates it now in-between hormonal shifts:)

2 moms found this helpful

What time does he come home during the week nights? Is he doing his homework and overall a good student, etc? If so I wouldn't worry to much, he is almost 18 and just going through a phase. As long as he is heading down a good path that's important.

2 moms found this helpful

Your son is acting like a normal teenager. Why night invite her over for dinner snd a movie. Maybe that way you can get to know her better and spend time with your son.

2 moms found this helpful

My hubby and I were also the same way. I did good in school so my parents never complained. I had to be home by 11 on school nights, weekend no curfew as long as I called and told them where I was and called on my way home. We've been married for 4 years, have 1 child, and still fall more in love each and everyday :)

2 moms found this helpful

I'm totally baffled by these parents. I see teenagers loitering around together all over our town! My babysitter is never available because she's ALWAYS doing something with her boyfriend-even going out of town with his family at 15??!! Doesn't she NEED money? Doesn't she care about working toward college one day with some activities or skills she can have to say for herself other than smooching and talking to her boyfriend all the time? How will that look on a resume or college application form?

I wouldn't even call that grown up, I would call it immature.

He needs a job if he has that much spare time, and you need to let him know in another year he can do whatever he wants, but at 17, your rules. Hanging out once a week with her is PLENTY. If ANYTHING he should be out 2 nights a week (one if it was me) not only home that many.

I was always home after work, exhausted, by the time I finished homework and eating, I was zonked. Boyfriend time was not on the menu. I saved up a lot of money toward college and paid for my own gas when I borrowed my parents car and bought all my own clothes and paid for my own leisure activities, albums, concerts, whatever. Not having a job? Not an option.This was before cell phones, but I definitely would have had to pay for that.

Not only did I have to spend every idle hour outside of school in school activities or working (I always had a job if not 2 or 3) during high school, I wasn't allowed any "hanging around time with a boyfriend". I had to see him out and about at public gatherings, the occasional movie we were separately picked up from, and when we were both grocery baggers, I saw him at work and church. Tough cookies.

I don't think I EVER hung out at a boyfriend's house or had one over-or WANTED to! We liked to get away from the parents on the rare spare time together we had. My parents were NOT worried about being despised (and they weren't). Just because kids want to hang around together constantly, doesn't mean they should. It's a lot of wasted time even if it doesn't lead to pregnancies etc.

2 moms found this helpful

Hey if his grades aren't affected let him. I mean her parents are there. The more you tell him no the more he's going to want to spend time with her.I have a 14yr old that loves spending time with her b/f would daily if it could happen if not talk on phone every day..i'ld rather have it happen where they are monitored than off alone or lying on meeting.. bad things happen that way

2 moms found this helpful

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