38 answers

17 Year Old Son

my 17 year old son and his girlfriend live with me and my hubby and 12 year old daughter, they are always putting me and my husband down no matter what we do for them. he recently decided he was going to job corps, which will be good for him . but everytime i try to put his 22 year old girlfriend out of my house he says if i do it he will leave too. they live here rent free even though we have asked for rent , and they eat all the food, and won't help replace any of it, even though she works at walmart , he refuses to get a job until he goes to job corps, they fight all the time, and they are just down right rude. they won't even clean up their own messes .my husband and i fight all the time because of them and their rudeness . so what do i do ,i need some help and some advice here . What do i do ?

What can I do next?

So What Happened?™

ok since i posted this my 17 year old and his girlfriend have been put out of my house. and i am calling to find about if he got all his paper work done for job corps and if it all got turned in . but i have stated to him if he comes home he is to be without her, he will be 18 in a month so after that he is on his own.if he wants help from me and dad he has to help hisself like gettin a job and i am not gonna put up with his crap anymore. i am fed up with them. his girlfriend acted like she was 2 when we talked about this and when i said she had to go , "oh my gosh what a fit was thrown" she screamed and when i packed her stuff out of my house and put it in her car i thought she was gonna have a heart attack. the police here wouldn't help us because she isn't on the lease and because we didn't have an agreement of any kind so they told me to put her stuff out of my house so i did.but i wanted to say THANK YOU to all of you that helped me and gave me wonderful advice.but i do want to give everyone who lives in kentucky the heads up the age of consent is 16 in kentucky i found that out when i tried to have his girlfriend arrested. and i also want everyone to know i didn't let her live here she moved in one day when we were gone and we have been tryin to get her out of here every since then.

Featured Answers

He threatens that if you kick her out that he will leave too? hahahaha!! He has no job! Where would they go? If he is not in school, he has 3 choices...
start taking classes
get a job and pay for rent and expenses
get out

If you allow someone to live rent free, not pay any expenses, and you clean up after them when they leave a mess, what motivation do they have to change?

Why is a 22 year old dating a 17 year old? Isn't having sex with him illegal?

6 moms found this helpful

I have been there (almost) while its hard to do, it might be time for some tough love. Lay down the law and tell them to get with the program or get out. Let him know you love him dearly but this behavior is unacceptable especially with a 12 year old in the house. Good Luck

3 moms found this helpful

No disrespect, but if he has so much mouth as to what he can and cannot do, then he needs his own domain to run. They can buy their own food, pay their own rent and run it how they want to. But IMO, if they are living with you rent free, and can talk to you like that, you are allowing them to get away with abusing you on account of what? I could understand if they are typical young people being messy, etc, but humble enough to accept the graces you offer, but the fact that he is rude, doesn't warrant him living there, and rent free at that.

2 moms found this helpful

More Answers

If your 17 year old son is old enough for a 22 year old girlfriend...then they are old enough to live on their own and support themselves. They will only continue to do what you ALLOW them to do.

You and your husband need to get on the same page, set some house rules and a deadline. They can either contribute to the household...or they can get out.

I can imagine it is much more difficult to deal with this when it is your own child (versus when I dealt with my stepchild)...but there are clearly some boundaries missing in your household.

9 moms found this helpful

My God, you are a saint!
My advice is to kick her out. And if he goes, he goes. It sounds like they both need a slap of reality.
And maybe, just maybe, the reality of them being on their own will be too much for their relationship. Which honestly does not sound like a bad thing.

9 moms found this helpful

He threatens that if you kick her out that he will leave too? hahahaha!! He has no job! Where would they go? If he is not in school, he has 3 choices...
start taking classes
get a job and pay for rent and expenses
get out

If you allow someone to live rent free, not pay any expenses, and you clean up after them when they leave a mess, what motivation do they have to change?

Why is a 22 year old dating a 17 year old? Isn't having sex with him illegal?

6 moms found this helpful

Here is what you do: you show the young lady the door and stick to it. Throw her out, and if she will not leave, call the cops and have them remove her from your home.
Before you do this sit down with your son and lay down the law. This is your house and if he feels oh so adult to move out, he will not see a single penny from you. If his car is in your name, get the keys from him. He is welcome to live in your house and be a productive member of your family ALONE - if he chooses otherwise he will have to fend for himself. If he is not productive, you only provide the bare minimum for him (food, clothes and a place to sleep).
You are not doing him a favor by letting the two of them trample on your family... it also sets a REALLY bad precedence for your 12 year old... so you want her to go down that same road?
Get that woman out of your house, she is poisoning your family!
I bet once she is gone, even if he initially leaves, he will be knocking back at your door within a short time. If they fight all the time, my guess is that she will drop him pretty fast once he can no longer offer the the sweet life in your home.
Good luck!

5 moms found this helpful

I'm not as concerned about the 22 vs. 17 year old issue...what will be will be, and the situation you're in sucks, no matter how you got there.

I worry about your 12 year old daughter. What kind of influence is all this having on her? I don't think this situation is in her best interest - the fighting, the example your son and his girlfriend are setting, the precedent YOU'RE setting by letting this happen in your house...

I would tell your son that his girlfriend has to move out. And if your son goes with her, let him go with love. The only way he is going to learn is to go out there into the big bad world and try to fend for himself. It's hard to watch our children go, and maybe fail, but it's what's best for him. Time to read up on codependency, and live your own life and raise your daughter.

4 moms found this helpful

Tough love. Tell her there's the door... If he goes too, he will learn a lesson, and if he really needs a place to stay, he'll come back. You need to make him understand the rules and expectations of your household and he needs to stick to them. I know it's hard, you need to take care of the rest of your family before it falls apart. Take care.

4 moms found this helpful

I have been there (almost) while its hard to do, it might be time for some tough love. Lay down the law and tell them to get with the program or get out. Let him know you love him dearly but this behavior is unacceptable especially with a 12 year old in the house. Good Luck

3 moms found this helpful

So why do you let them stay there? I'm not sure that I understand your question and why you keep letting rude people who are pretending to be adults live at YOUR home for free eating up YOUR food???

Just because he is 17 doesn't mean you can't kick him out...

I was always told "If you want to act like an adult, then you can act like an adult somewhere else..."

3 moms found this helpful

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