17 Month Old Playing with Private

Updated on December 10, 2009
S.S. asks from Tacoma, WA
20 answers

Very confused on the abouts of children and their explorations of their own body. We are teaching my daughter her body parts such as nose, mouth, eyes, you know the basics. Well just recently in the past month or so I have noticed that every time i change her diaper she tries to play with her private. Has anyone had this problem with their girls, if so what did you do? Thanks for the help

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A.T.

answers from Portland on

No offense, but I don't think there is any problem. She is just exploring as all babies do. If you give her the impression that there is something wrong with that part of her body that she shoudl not be touching, then you may begin to unintentionally giving her the idea that her vagina is a bad place that she should be ashamed of. So let her explore & when she wants, I don't see any problem.

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J.B.

answers from Seattle on

My twenty-month-old does the same thing. It's not sexual or anything. It's just the recognition that there is something down there. It's supposed to go away by three years, I think.

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E.A.

answers from Seattle on

Hi S.,
It's only a problem if you make it one. Her diaper's in the way, so changing time's the perfect time to explore ^j^ When she touches herself, say that's your vagina and continue what you are doing.
E.

4 moms found this helpful
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H.D.

answers from Portland on

S.,

Children's bodies are their own. Little fingers are curious...you touch/wipe her bottom and vagina multiple times a day. Consider these two things: it seems 'interesting' to you (from her perspective), which makes it interesting to her AND it is truly her own body and she should be able to explore it.

Some ways you can give her support and context: name her vagina for her, just like you have the rest of her body, and tell her its use. Perhaps you want to be specific ("That's your vagina/urethra--that's where your pee comes out"--this is as much as she needs to know.) Some families use pet names/cultural names for body parts. (I grew up in Honolulu and learned the pidgin names for genitals and their functions). Whatever you use, keep it positive and avoid shaming words.

Teaching our children to appreciate their bodies without shame helps them so much later on. If you are concerned about masturbation (where she is certainly touching to feel pleasure over a longer period as opposed to exploration), provide context for it as she grows. Some children I cared for loved to touch themselves: by the time they were two and a half or three, I let them know that this was something they could go do in their own room. Once they can understand the concept of privacy, you can steer them toward more socially-accepted boundaries.

I believe that every child's body is their own. If we give them accurate information, avoid shaming and help them to understand that there is a place for this activity just as there is every other one, we are treating her discovery of herself with compassion and intelligence. She can even help put diaper creme on, now, and may enjoy the empowerment that comes with self-care!

3 moms found this helpful

R.M.

answers from Medford on

Hi S.,
My daughter was that age when she discovered her vulva. (In our family we use the correct word)I didn't view it as a problem and a few months later she was on to something else. Remember,she is only 17 months old,it is perfectly natural for her to explore her body. Consider her vulva one of the basics.

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R.M.

answers from Portland on

Hello Shwana-

This is very normal behavior. It's an area that is usually covered, so she's just learning what's down there. It also may itch a little after being in a diaper all day. Lastly, touching the private area feels good, like scratching an itch.

It's nothing sexual, just learning her body.

As she grows, if she starts m***********, explain to her she needs to go to the other room, but don't make a big deal out of it.

Best of luck-

R. Magby

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D.L.

answers from Seattle on

She is completely normal. :-) Even babies in utero have been seen in ultrasound playing with their genitals. They are not sexualizing it, they are figuring out their bodies and it's soothing and feels good. Our daughter started earlier than most girls at 10 months, but pretty much all of her friends did by the time they are 2 or 3. The key is to use correct terminology and not make her feel bad or ashamed. If she gets to the point that she's doing in front of people or making you feel uncomfortable (past the point of figuring herself out when the diaper is open) then explain what "privacy" means and let her know that that is best left to do by herself.

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C.B.

answers from Seattle on

That is just normal curiousity. Just let her know it's okay to explore her body but not in public. If you make a big deal about it you could give set her up for future body issues.

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L.A.

answers from Seattle on

I think that it is perfectly natural and normal for little ones to explore their genitalia. I don't see it as a problem that needs to be fixed.

1 mom found this helpful
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A.W.

answers from Seattle on

very normal....I think almost all kids do it at some time. You can try and redirect, but she is still pretty young. I notice my daughter does it sometimes when she is relaxing and she is three. I just ask her to please stop and she usually does. I explain to her that it is ok to touch, but just in private please.
It is all about exploration and new sensations, so don't worry too much.

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T.H.

answers from Portland on

Hi S.,

From what I understand, it's totally normal. She's too young to explain when it's okay and when it's not (privately, sure, in public, not so much). Of course it feels good! Just know that it's normal and fine and the less of a big deal you make it the better. It's weird to watch though isn't it?

Best,
T.

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C.M.

answers from Seattle on

As a mom and an Early Childhood educator, I can tell you that this is only a problem if you make it into one. At this age, your daughter is just trying things, and is curious. But if you keep taking her hand away, she will be even more curious, and get the message that this is something she can do to get a reaction out of you.
It is possible that her diaper has been irritating her skin and she needs to rub or scratch the area when she has a chance. Just think of it as a normal innocent action. Ignore it and she will lose interest.
And, by the way, when you're teaching body parts, it's also important to mention bum and vulva (or veevee, if that's more comfortable for you). She'll need some appropriate language for those parts eventually.
Healthy sexual development starts with an open, relaxed approach to the body and all its little parts.

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M.S.

answers from Portland on

Here's what I did with both my girl and my boy...

First, keep nails short and clean to prevent scratches. When you are changing and she reaches, tell her no touching until you clean her. Once the area is clean, I just left their diaper off and left to do something else for a little while ignoring the exploration. Be sure to teach her that body part as well... you don't want her to think that it is off limits, or mysterious, or bad. Just normal. With my children, the playing didn't last long, then I put a diaper on and wash hands. Once they got to about 2 years old I started telling them "that is not something I want to see... if you are going to do that, you need to go somewhere private."

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M.B.

answers from Colorado Springs on

I haven't had this issue with my daughter, but she is only 1 year. I have two boys though and one of them did that a lot! I just told him that we do that in the private of our room, and not in front of other people.

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M.P.

answers from Portland on

This is so normal. She is learning about her body. She may continue to do it as she gets older because it is soothing and not in a sexual way. My 9 yo granddaughter sometimes still puts her hands down the front of her panties when she's in her room watching TV or in bed. When your daughter is older you can teach her that this is one of those things we do in private. It's important to be calm and matter of fact so that it's "no big deal."

I remember doing this when I was grade school age. I didn't let anyone know. I stopped doing it around 11 or 12. I don't remember for sure why I stopped but I'm guessing it started to feel different and I was a bit scared.

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D.W.

answers from Portland on

My daughter did the same all the time when I would change her diaper. I just let her do her thing while changing her and she eventually stopped. It is a natural thing for her to do, as it feels good and she doesnt know any different.

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J.C.

answers from Anchorage on

This is sooooooooo normal. Kids explore there bodies, and sometimes find things feel good. It is human nature.

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A.D.

answers from Portland on

I guess I'll be the one to rock the boat, since everyone else seems content with masturbation. So here's my viewpoint.

As for my family, we believe that sex is an amazing, healthy gift but that masturbation does not fit into the construct of sex, and that it can harm healthy sexual behavior. Not because sex is bad, cuz it isn't, and not because feeling good is bad, because it isn't. But because it can lead to self-serving, gratification-seeking sexual behavior, which can rob sex of its "special-ness" later in life.

At this age, yes - there is simply curiosity and they wonder what's down there - they usually never get access to it :p If she's POINTING to it as if she wants you to name it, then go ahead and name it - no big deal. But otherwise she's just exploring, and if you draw attention to her t******* h******, it will only ramp up her curiosity. The child-development person hit it spot on. If you keep taking their hands away, they'll just seek it more. At this age, she can definitely be redirected.

My daughter (19 months) doesn't touch herself that often at all, but when she does, I don't make a big deal out of it and I usually hand her a book or a toy. I usually do this anyway, because she freaks out when I "restrict her freedom" while changing her diaper. Keep their hands busy during diaper changes (or potty training) and it cuts down on the problem quite a bit. I don't know yet what I'll do when she really starts touching (I'm a first-time mommy and haven't felt the need to research methods of dealing with it YET), or it becomes something uncomfortable, but I won't shame her or make her feel like she's being bad. When she's old enough to understand, I'll simply explain to her what a gift sex is, and how masturbation does not fit into that plan. If she chooses to ignore me and do things on her own, that's her choice and I can't force her, but until then I suppose I'll use redirection to the best of my ability - but I'm not going to tell my kid to go masturbate in her bedroom.

Hope that helps!

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K.M.

answers from Seattle on

I don't have a girl, and my son is only 5 1/2 months, but from what I understand, that's pretty normal. Kids do this to explore their body. I've even heard of toddlers having I guess what you'd call orgasms.

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C.S.

answers from Portland on

Not a big deal, one of my 3 boys did this too from really early on. Just hand her a book to hold & look at right before you open up her diaper. This will keep her occupied both her mind & her hands. I have a book shelf right next to the changing table & it is just part of our routine now. It really works!

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