16 Month Old Tantrums - Savannah,MO

My daughter does this too. Completely normal for their age. They get so frustrated that they can't quite communicate what they want and how to properly deal with their frustration.

When my daughter throws a tantrum, she'll arch her back and try to throw herself on the floor. So, I just support her back and lower her down and let her lay on the floor. Then I act like everything is normal, like she's not rolling around on the floor, red-faced, and howling like an animal. I go about my business and wait for her to calm down. Sometimes it takes a few minutes. Then I'll start singing a song, or maybe play with a toy to distract her. Then when she's calm I tell her that acting like that is not OK. I know she doesn't quite understand that yet, but I think she gets the general idea. Lately, her tantrums have gotten better.

It's also possible he's teething, which could make his temper flair a lot easier than normal.

HI W., I work with toddlers and when there are 8 in one room, you see a lot of tantrums. Kids this age have really strong emotions, but aren't quite sure how to handle them. Remember, adults know how to handle their feelings, but kids are not born with this knowledge--it has to be taught.

To help your son with his emotions, you can do several things:
1)Decide ahead of time a plan of action for when he gets upset. When he gets upset, follow through with your plan. This will help you to act calmly and not let his tantrum overwhelm you.
2)Think of what your son may need in order to help him learn how to express his emotions. Does he need to just let it out? If so, make sure he is safe and then after he calms down, talk to him about his feelings and validate them. He needs to learn that it is ok to have these feelings, but there are appropriate and inappropriate ways of handling them. Say, "You seemed really angry/mad/sad, ect" Helping him put words to his feelings can make them less confusing and overwhelming to him. He can start to use these words as well--"I'm angry."
3)Help him learn alternate behaviors. "I'm sorry you're angry, but you may not hit me. You can hit this pillow (or throw this ball, or use your words, etc.)." Try to focus on what he CAN do rather than what he can't.
4)This will also help in times other than when he is having tantrums. Focusing on what IS acceptable rather than everything he can't do can prevent some tantrums. "I can't let you have that candy at the store, but we can have a snack when we get in the car." or "We can't play outside right now because it's raining but we can find a fun game inside to play. Let's go outside when it stops raining."
5) Let him express feelings in other ways--pounding on play-dough, running outside, acting things out in dramatic play, using art materials, yelling outside while playing, throwing balls ect. Make sure he has plenty of opportunities to do these things.
6)Whatever you do, do NOT let his negative behavior cause you to give in to what he wants. He will quickly learn that it works and will continue to do it. Be firm with your response and stick to it. Consistency is KEY!

The good news is that the tantrum stage doesn't last too long if you respond appropriately. He will eventually learn that they don't help him get what he wants, and you can help him learn more acceptable ways of handling his strong emotions. That's basically what it is all about --helping him learn more acceptable ways of doing things, not punishing him for not knowing how.

Best wishes! C.

W.,
I am a mother of three my oldest is 5 1/2yrs old and my youngest is 14 months old. I learned with my son that it is hard. I would stay calm with him and talk sweet and try to calm him. Let me tell you for me that was a mistake. He is still having moments of fits. With strong discpline now he is gotten alot better. But I always made an excuse for him (he's tired, he's hungry, we haven't been home enough today, etc.) But it doesn't matter (in my opinion) they know (even at 14 months) they know what they are doing. They are doing what they have to get EXACTLY what they want.
I am a firm believer in discipline from the begining. If they can crawl we discipline. This seems to help with my youngest.
The fits will stop! But you must stay strong with him. Try to pick up on his signs before the fit begins. Ask him to show you what it is he wants. Sometimes you have to pick them up so they can see what it is they really want. My daughter (middle child now 3 yrs old) didn't talk until she was almost 18 months old so it was hard. We had to tell her alot to show us. If you have tried the diaper, cup, food, books, toys. And the fit begins give him time on the coach or play pen if you use one. If you do the coach you may have to sit with him. Try to stay calm but get a firm voice. They can hear your tone and know wheither it is working or not. Tone is everything!
I am reading a book that might help you. I am really enjoying it and learning alot. It is called "Parenting by The Book Biblical Wisdom for Raising Your Child" by John Rosemond. And he speaks about toddlers in the begining of the book and gives some advice on how to handle them. He is psychologist who bases his advice on as he puts it "Grandam's Way" of raising children.
Good luck. And God Bless.

W.,

I highly recommend Baby Signing. It is a technique based on American Sign Language. Our first day care used it with babies and toddlers. Our daughter started doing the same thing at 16 months. She was so frustrated that she could not get us to understand what she wanted that she would throw huge tantrums. The first time is happened was such a shock we were both stunned.

On our sitters recommendation I bought two books on baby signing and with in the first day her tantrums had almost completely stopped. Signing helped us communicate and reduced her frustration while she developed her language skills. In fact her vocabulary started increasing by several words a day after we started signing. By 18 months she was using a combination of word and sign. Hang in there this is a frustrating time for your son and you.

Best wishes,

J. N.