6 answers

15 Year Old with Seperation Anxiety

Over the last couple of weeks I have seen a change in my daughter. She is starting to become clingy and needy. She doesn't want to be with her friends and I have noticed that she really doesn't want to be around her boyfriend so much either. She wants "mother/daughter time" which we do have. Granted during the week I really have to make time to spend an extra hour or so with her so we incorporate going to the gym together or watching our favorite shows together a few nights a week. I think with high school isn't a child starting to pull away from thier parents. She doesn't seem to really want to be without me. Last night i told her that i would going to a 7pm show with my boyfriend (who was downgraded from fiance' in May) and would be home by 10pm. She told me that she would be scared and doesn't want to be alone (she has been home alone before, not sure what her problem is). I haven't been out with my boyfriend for over a year and it is a gift from him. Getting a baby sitter for a high schooler, isn't that somewhat strange? She told me your MY MOMMY! I do understand the jelousy of wanting to be with me and no one to be with me but her. My daughter and I have a very good relationship but she seems to now really be holding on tightly. With the help of therapy for quite some time she is healing from some "injuries" but does anyone have any loving ideas that will help her start to grow. I am a little worried about her.

What can I do next?

More Answers

Hi C.,

I really believe that you should sit down and talk to her. I think that was she is suffering from is fear of loosing you. Could be to your boyfriend (figuratively) or to tragedy (literally). I have been there! I was very clingy with my own mom who I lost in 2002. But I remember a specific time when my mother took me to see Bambi in the movie theatre. I was so distraught at the scene where Bambi's mother dies, that she had to carry me out in hysterics. Just sit down and talk to her maybe she just needs a little reassurance.

1 mom found this helpful

Sorry, have to put my two cents in here, but you have come to this forum seeking support & some advice, that is what it is here for. Not for some of us to use it to toot our own horns about how perfect we think our mothering skills are. None of us are perfect mothers, we can only strive to be better & it doesn't hurt to ask for help.

If I read your request correctly, you are already spending quality time w/your daughter & needed to find some extra time for her b/c obviously she is going thru something. You also said she is already getting therapy for some "injuries". You are obviously addressing that she has issues, so good for you. Don't feel guilty for having a life of your own, as parents we need that, as long as you are not neglecting her which it sounds like you are not. I don't have a 15y/o, but was one once myself. Obviously, something is bothering her. It may be something simple that she had a falling out w/her friends or boyfriend &is embarassed to tell you. Perhaps get the therapist involved again & see if he/she can get it out of her. If not, have you tried sitting down w/her & asking her what's bothering her? Until you get to the bottom of what is bothering her you can't help her & tell her this. I know this isn't the most earth shattering advice, but just wanted to let you know it sounds like you are doing a good job to me! Good luck, I hope she overcomes what is bothering her.

1 mom found this helpful

I know how u feel, I am a single mom fo 4 and they are so protectiveof me. I think that they are afraid of loseing us,to someone else. I spend all my time with them and I don't date because of that. Write back.

1 mom found this helpful

Hay Celest,
This is true, 15 year olds do tend to seporate from their parents. However whenever there is a change in your life or if they are going through a change in their own life in away, they may or may not be ready for,this may be the cause of her clingyness. I remember when my daughter began to cling on to me, it was because i had someone in mylife that she was uncomfortable with i had to have a sit down to findout from her what and why she felt that way.another thing C. what ever we are going through our daughters experience it too. I like to try to put them first because they'er our children are our future. One more thing that you haveto look for is if something happend to her and she may be afraid to to tell you but want you around to prevent it from happening again, i am not saying that something did but just always be aware.

About me i am a divorsed mother of three daughters, 16,10,and 6 a recent graduate of the College of New Rochell who recieved a BA in Psycology my profession is family services and i just recently moved to V.A.
C. I hope that I was able to help you.

Sincerely
J.

1 mom found this helpful

Hi there -
do you think there's a chance her boyfriend is pressuring her to have sex? - and she's having mixed feeling about him - and needing to talk to her mom? Perhaps she's just looking for a way to get some quiet alone time with you - it definitely sounds as though she needs to talk to you about something - and is afraid to do so. I'd take her to a quiet spot - either of hot chocolate at starbucks or for a drive... and chat - remind her she can tell you anything - and can always come to you for support - that you won't be angry no matter what the problem is - you will work on it together.
I'm a single mom (just learned I'm getting a divorce this week...) of a soon to be 2 year old... so this advice is based on my recollections of my own feelings growing up. Hope that helps. Take care, S

Sounds a bit like the way I acted when my mom met her new husband. My mom and dad split when I was a baby and I lived with my mom and saw my dad but my mom met my stepdad when I was 17. I was upset that she spent her time with him instead of me. I acted out somewhat, nothing crazy but I stayed out late, made new friends from the bad crowd, never really got into trouble. Why don't you just talk to her? SHe is at a really tough age right now. She needs you to be there for her and to know that she is your priority and that you would drop everything for her. If she does not want to see her friends, maybe something happened with them? Have you asked her? Keep the lines of communication open. If you can't talk now and she does not come to you to talk you may never be able to get that back.

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