15 Year Old Who Stays on Computer All the Time.

Just to give you a perspective from a "gamer" / wife of a "gamer" - in games like World of Warcraft, players make teams (i.e. friends) with other players and feel a responsibility to those friends to be online and playing the game when everyone else is. They often have group quests that require a certain number of players. It may seem like playing video games is anti-social, but it's far from it. He's experiencing the same challenges as he would playing games with friends in "real" life - sharing, leading, making decisions that effect the whole group. I agree with the other posts that you should start slow - ask for one hour of time with the family - no cell phone, no computer. But, for his sake, make sure you have something interesting planned during that hour. Teenagers don't like to sit around chatting about their life. Despite the fact that we were all once a teenager, they don't think we'll ever understand what it's like to be them. Ask him for ideas during that hour. Or, make that part of dinner (I'm assuming you all sit down to dinner together, no TV, no interruptions. If not, start there). In my opinion, as long as his computer/texting isn't interfering with his school work and he's doing his chores without any yelling about it, I don't see any problem. At least he's home safe and not out doing something stupid or illegal (as teenagers tend to do).

2 moms found this helpful

I don't think there should be a computer in his room... take it out and put it in a public place in the house and set limits on the amount of time on it. Have him earn the time by doing his chores i.e. mowing the lawn gets him 30 min. etc. Just my personal opinion, but I think it's not safe for teens to have that kind of unlimited access to the dangers of the web. :)

1 mom found this helpful

M.,
That sounds totally typical. I have to ask all 3 of my teens to do chores that they're supposed to do without me telling them. And they all 3 love the computer, cell and iPods.

However, why don't you and your hubby have a chat with him and let him know you'd like him to spend an hour a day not doing computer. Don't ask too much.

I am single mom to a 15, almost 16 year old son and a 14, almost 15, year old daughter......my son and I 'battle' regularly about him wanting a computer in his room......the answer is NO....we have one internet compatable computer and it is in a public area.....they get limited time on it...both have to be reminded to do everything (even shower..lol)....we homeschool and rarely are they allowed on the puter during the week day....my question is 'how does your hubby feel about all this?.......if his grades and behavior is otherwise good, then it might do more harm than good to take the puter out of his room at this point but requiring him to spend time with the family is doable........schedule chore time and put it in writing.......use a dry erase or other form of calendar/chart to list what his expected chores are day to day.....and put the times he is to do them......say 5-6 M-F is chore time and different on Saturdays........good luck to you.......

It might be time to start limiting the computer.
Because this is what he will do with his life when he gets older and has kids and a wife. be in front of the computer and not communicate. I am a wife of a geek. He works in the computer industry, he comes home and plays games all afternoon and evening and we do not communicate.
I understand that he not doing anything bad. And that he has good grades.But he is still at an impressionable age that he can learn to make time to talk to his family.
Good luck.

well i am not one to say you're doing it all wrong yada yada yada...what i am sensing from you is that he is a really good kid but you would like to not have to tell him when to take out the trash or have to ask him to do stuff with the family...so what i would do is make a chore list, of what he is to do & when it is to be done, like if you want him to do the mowing then just put it on the chore list to be done to every other week or whenever you like it to be done, from what it sounds like he will be willing to follow this but no teenager (pretty much anyway) is just gonna jump up & mow the grass once its getting long. but this way you wont have to ask everytime. as far as family time is concerned i'm assuming you already have dinner together at night, & that is good family time, maybe you should try initiating more family activites, that he is expected to participate in like game night or whatever. it sounds like you basically have a good kid but you just want to see him a little more, so just tell him that. kids arent mind readers & at this age they dont want to spend time with the parents but most will if there's something to do.
good luck!

I have a 14 year old son so I understand the computer thing! I really do but in our house we only let them play on Fridays after school is done, ( We homeschool) Anyway, about shores, I still have to tell my son, BTW Saturday you are mowing and then remind him Sat morning but that is no big deal, he doesn't fuss about it. He does have to be reminded to do his laundry on Mondays and when the dishes need loading I ask him and he does them. So as far as reminding, I think that is pretty normal. And the computer and other media, I say start a time limit on those things, family time comes first.

take the computer out of the room for starters...

The computer and cell phone are PRIVELEDGES that you get for completion of you chores. No completion, no computer or phone. It is that simple. If you go to work, does your boss have to remind you everyday to do the the work you were hired to do? What would happen if he did? Would you keep your job. I would suggest that you and your husband get on the same page, come up with your expectations and the date to start enforcement. Then have a talk with him. Let him know what the new rules are, then watch and see and discipline accordingly. The computer can be locked in the trunk of a car so he can't use it, or just the keyboard. same with the cell phone. contrary to popular belief he can live without it.
He should not need to be reminded. He is lazy and knows that yuou will not do anything. If he thought you were serious about something he might. But you have taught him that you only expect him to do something when you tell him or get mad at him. And you didn't mention discipline when he didn't do chores or mow the lawn. So are there any?
You are not asking to much, you just have poor follow though, no consistency or no discipline. You also said you were a perfectionist, but didn't say you required him to do it YOUR way. you just wanted it done. It is natural for his age to act this way, but that doesn't mean you have to settle for it. After all if everyone jumped off a cliff.....
it is your house, so make the rules what you want. maybe one night or day as family time. games, shopping, bowling, miniature golf, fishing, hiking, etc. and then let him have some alone time with his friends.
good luck.
laur