16 answers

15 Year Old That Made the Team but Warms the Bench

Hi All, My 15 daughter (HS-Sophmore) has never been a great athlete & she is aware of this fact. She has a sister (HS-Junior) that is a pretty good athlete, good enough to make the Varsity Softball Team, starting Center Field. So she walks in sisters shadows in her mind. My 15 yr old made the HS JV team but gets very little play time... and the times she has played she has done well. I know in the big picture of life it is how it is, and I really believe in trying out for any team sport & the coach chooses.. but my issue is how can I use this as a learning-teaching experience? How do you explain to a 15 year old to find the positive in this experience? Be the best team supporter? She will not make Varisty next year & she is saying she is OK with that fact, but because she tried out & made the JV team she would like to play more, but that is not going to happen. I will not let her quit, the season has an end-date & she needs to see it through.. I am looking for some clever ways to put a positive spin on this to a 15 year old girl.. It has come to the point that before her last game she sent me a text that read. I don't know if your leaving work early to come to my game-but don't I'm not playing".. I told her I was coming to her game & we can both support the team. The team is also having a great season at 13-2 so the bus ride home is full of did you see that great play... Thanks for listening.

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What can I do next?

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Michael Jordan was cut from his H.S. basketball team. I wonder how his feelings about that impacted his drive.
My daughter played volley-ball because her older brothers and friends played but she never excelled. She settled for being part of the team but traded peer acceptance as an average player over competing with and possibly outshining some of her teammates. In the end she went with her heart. So the next year she went out for the dance (something she loves) team & made it.
My brother was a v-ball coach & he says its a matter of hustle and a players energy (especially an eagerness in responding to the coach) that decides who gets playtime. If they have a real passion for it, it shows up in their energy and they are rewarded for it.

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Let her know that regardless of who makes a home run or score, she is still part of the team. I agree with you, she does not need to quit now. Remind her that that if she quit she will regret not finishing the rest of her life. Let her know that sometime the out come does not always go our way, however we did finish. Now encourage her to try another sport or activity. I had the same circumstances with my two sons. The one in the shadow eventually found his nich in wrestling, and not baseball.
Good luck and tell her not to give up, get joy from the teams progress and look forward to her own comfortability.

1 mom found this helpful

Michael Jordan was cut from his H.S. basketball team. I wonder how his feelings about that impacted his drive.
My daughter played volley-ball because her older brothers and friends played but she never excelled. She settled for being part of the team but traded peer acceptance as an average player over competing with and possibly outshining some of her teammates. In the end she went with her heart. So the next year she went out for the dance (something she loves) team & made it.
My brother was a v-ball coach & he says its a matter of hustle and a players energy (especially an eagerness in responding to the coach) that decides who gets playtime. If they have a real passion for it, it shows up in their energy and they are rewarded for it.

1 mom found this helpful

first of all , good mom for going even when she said she wasnt going to play. yep that is how you show her, you support her and the team just by being there, smiling, cheering, and saying kind supportive words. She can still talk and laugh with the other girls on the team, there is more than just playing, there is the social aspect of being amongst peers and learning about the sport even just by watching. You can tell her there is more to get out of it. however it is also fun to play and participate physically, so I can see where this is hard on her but she does get to practice and play with friends that is a positive too.
what is wrong with this coach is my question? Is she the only one not playing or are there other girls? I do not care if they are having a winning season, give everyone a chance. Keep finding the positive, support her b y going no matter what and smiling and giving her that special wink showing you are proud no matter what and of course keep hugging your daughter a bit tighter each time and in the mean time see what we can do about this coach to make it a bit more tolerable for the others! I agree get a plan in line with the coach so that he knows ans your daughter knows what she needs to do to get to play more. This will tune the coach in a bit too. and yes when you have somthing to work towards in your mind that will help!
J.

1 mom found this helpful

Although it may be hard for her to appreciate right now, all the practices are making her a better ball player. Her skills, even if not good enough to get much playing time, are something she can value for the rest of her life. She can play intramurals with confidence in college. She can play recreational adult softball. She can coach or help coach her own kids one day!!!

1 mom found this helpful

I've ALWAYS been a great athlete... not bragging... it's just how I'm wired AND THIS IS WHY... i always preferred individual "team" sports.

Don't get me wrong, I can play team stuff with the best, and in HS was courted by both the boys baseball (they allowed girls but only had 2 on the team, and knocking balls around during lunch the coach saw me), and girls basketball team (similar situ). :P Instead I stuck with my swimming, diving, skating, horseback riding, surfing, fencing, dance, and crew teams. The idea of "starting" or "warming" ticked me off. I would rather play in a rec league where EVERYONE got to play... or on a school team like the ones I was on where EVERYONE got to swim/dive/row... then be forced to watch others play.

Fact of the matter was, I probably would have been one of the ones playing... but I had spent time on the sidelines in soccer as a kid, and it was the WORST feeling. Just heartbreaking. So I out and out refused to participate in any sport that had others feeling the way that I did, or left me the possibility.

Hugs to your daughter & you. She's a better woman than I was.

One positive is that it will go on a college ap. There are always spots to fill in for extra curriculars and volunteer etc. the more well rounded a kid is and the more they have participated in stuff the better the college ap. so not sure if that helps but it is something to tell her.

I think it's great that you encourage her and show up to her games. Where is her heart? I know she is in the shadows of her sister, but does she have the same "love" for the sport... If she does, don't ever let her quit. I'm 36 years old and I was good and basketball not great and my junior year I did a lot of sitting that I wasn't use too. I quit my senior year and have regretted ever since, I even have dreams of playing my senior year. I loved the game. Now, if she's just doing it because her sister did, let her decide if she wants to go out next year. Hey Michael Jordan got cut in High School and became the greatest basketball player ever (I think). Talk to your older daughter who is the athlete and have her work with her sister... I really do think it's great of you to be such a big supporter.

First of all, you are an awesome example as a loving and supportive parent. Way to go!! As the wife of a high school coach, I would encourage her to communicate directly with the coach and ask the coach for help and direction as to how she can get more playing time. Hopefully the coach will catch on to this and make an impact. This is another great life lesson - although it can be hard to sit by and watch. You are clearly doing an amazing job!!

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