15 Year Old Boy

I think a 15 year old kid who has no adult present during the day (I'm assuming dad will be at work) and no job to stay for can get off his dime and go visit his aunties.
"Sometimes, kiddo, that's just the breaks." Until he's financially independent and paying for his own needs, sometimes he will have to honor family obligations, Especially since the ticket has been purchased and isn't refundable.

What I would do is to sit down with him and let him pick out a few things/activities in the area which are attractive to him, and see how that would work in with your finances and plans. It's important to consider that he'll need to have some 'fun' things to do that are his kind of fun, so you can research any 'areas of interest' with him online to see what's available. If you make him in charge of some of it, he can feel like he's got a say in some of the trip and will have things to look forward to. Reaching out in this way will let him know that you do understand this isn't his first choice, and that you think he's mature enough to participate in a more hands-on way than just tagging along with mom and the aunties.

6 moms found this helpful

it is probably the age and not into the family visiting right now. Is there some deal that you can make him.......like if he goes, you can look up some things that intrest him and try to make the trip a little bit about what he would like to do now that he is older.??? I think he should go and as life moves forward teach him that we still respect and see family...but it can be altered to also find fun things for him to do.

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Hazel is spot on with her advice.
I have a 15 year old son and while I consider his opinion and desires when planning activities, I ultimately have the final say - after all, I am the parent and he is still the wholly dependent child.

Have him pick some activities that appeal to him, explain that he should have spoken up well before you purchased the ticket, and that this is an annual family tradition.

Good Luck
God Bless

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Ugh, teenagers :(
I know you can't get your money back at this point, but instead of forcing him to go, ask yourself what YOU prefer.
If you're pretty sure he'll relax and have a good time once you get there, then make him go. It's good to get out of town!
But if you're pretty sure he's just going to be a sulking lump the whole time I'd leave him at his dad's. Why let him spoil your trip? You should enjoy your time with your sisters!

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I think Hazel's suggestions are just about as perfect as you will get. He needs recognition as a near-adult if you expect him to behave in a mature way.

Making him pay off the price of the ticket wouldn't be a fair solution if he didn't want you to buy that ticket in the first place; it would just be punishing him for not going. That's no way to rebuild a relationship. There is a book that I'm quite intrigued with about repairing parent-child relationships called Parenting Without Power Struggles, by Susan Stiffleman. You might want to see if it's at your local library. She's got some really great suggestions.

And I hope next year, you'll be mindful of his changing needs and give him a greater say in how his summer will be spent. If he stays with his dad, have him help reassure you with a plan about what rules he'll follow and how he plans to spend his time. A week or two of video games probably won't harm him, and in the end may give him a greater appreciation about the other things life has to offer.

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He would go. My sons almost 15 and any family" outings" we go on he has to go. What's so bad about going somewhere new? He would have to suck it up!

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Is it somewhere fun in CA or will he kind of being doing the same thing at your sisters' as at home without the chance of friends around and with all women. I think it makes a difference if he's being just a stick in the mud - your sisters' is fun bc of xyz, he has cousins there etc or in reality, it really won't be fun for him at all.

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he should go and then next year be given the choice as long as there will be an adult to supervise him

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My parents made me go on trips I didn't want to go on as a teenager, and I survived. I even still love my parents. He's just being the typical teenager. He'll have a good time even if he doesn't admit it.

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Personally, I would let him bring a friend, especially if there are no other kids his age at your destination. But I would NOT let him stay home.

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It's a trip to California, what is so bad about that? Last time I heard they have video games there as well as many activities and beautiful National Parks. It sounds as if he is just being a contrary teenager. Money is already spent, he can stay home next year. Tell him to pack his personal video game player and make the best of it. Good luck and enjoy being with your sister.

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Well unless he can pay you back (or make up to you with a long list of chores payable beginning now) or you can take a friend to take with you, He is stuck going.

If he goes, have him research some things HE would like to do.. He is at the age where friends are way more important than women relatives. This is normal.

I would think being stuck in 100 degree mobile home sounds miserable.. but it also gives you more money to spend on some grown up activities in Cali..

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Yeah... tough one. But don't let him back out. You can't get any money back for his ticket, so if he is insisting on staying, tell him he has to pay for his ticket. I don't know any parent would would be happy to let their teenage boy stay home and play video games all day. I wouldn't.

But, you two need to have a heart to heart. Ask him why he doesn't want to go. Don't accept "I just don't want to". Then let him know that he is more than welcome to not want to go, but that he is going and he is not allowed to ruin the trip for the rest of the family.

If he were my son, I would not let him get out of it. My SIL always let her sons get out of family functions and we really don't know her kids because of it, and we are a close family.

Good Luck

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Wow I think we have the same son. We made reservations for our family vacation this summer before my son moved in with his dad. We asked him if he'd be interested in going and he said no and laughed like he had no interest in it all. I told him he can stay with his dad if he didn't want to come with because he would make everyone else miserable. Now my other child gets to take a friend. Every time we made our son go places with us that he didn't want to go to he made our vacations miserable. We thought we would get in some trips before he was old enough to move out but they weren't out of the state like he would have preferred just to cabins and stuff. We did take a trip to The Mall Of America and he loved it because it was really awesome for his taste. I say let him stay in the hot mobile home and suffer. Make sure you take your other children to do the coolest things and that they call him every day and tell him!!!!!!(if you have other children) Maybe next year he'll change his mind. Maybe his aunts wouldn't appreciate his attitude ruining your time together either. Good luck. I've been in your shoes. Put the ticket for sale in the paper or on the internet for a little cheaper price than normal. At least you will get something for it or offer it or sell it to another family member who may want to go with you or let a child take a friend. Better yet take someone with to keep an eye on the kids if you go anywhere without them:)(once again, if you have other kids).

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If you haven't already, I would suggest getting him involved with planning some of the activities for the days that you are there; give him some parameters around distance and cost and have him do the research and come up with some ideas; him being engaged from the beginning may make this a more meaningful trip for him; while he doesn't see this now, he will be glad that he went; as he gets older, he will have these memories about his time with his family

Sorry, in our house our 15 year olds didn't make the vacation decisions. He needs to go with you no questions asked. Maybe next year have a family discussion about the vacation plans but this year, yep off to Auntie's house we go.

I don't think you are being unreasonable at all. I'm sure once you get there he will end up having a good time. 15 is old enough to sit down and talk about it. Sometimes in life you have to do things you don't want to do and you just have to figure out a way to make the best of it, and I agree family is important so this should be the main point! If he isn't already schedule to visit his dad, maybe you can set that up for another time.

I would also suggest to do some research on some fun things that you can do while in CA. maybe this will help him look forward to the trip.

Don't apologize and don't show that he is making you upset. Be matter of fact and that is that! It will work out. Hope you have a great trip!

I'm sorry, I don't have time to read all of the responses you've gotten, but I have glanced through and I just want to say, I fundamentally disagree with the he's-a-PITA-leave-him-at-home school of thought. He's a kid, and a family vacation without his friends is actually exactly what he needs, much as he doesn't want it.

I highly recommend that you check out "Hold On to Your Kids: Why Parents Need to Matter More Than Peers." http://www.amazon.com/Hold-Your-Kids-Parents-Matter/dp/03...
I really think it will help you place his behavior in context, and approach him with compassion. You may be surprised at how well he responds when you're actually confident of your position, and empathetic of his.

good luck!

back in my teen days i believe you could rent a game system (if your sister dose not already have one and bringing it is too difficult) tell him he can sit and veg out at his aunts house. the ticket is already paid for and it wont hurt him to see some of cali. unreasonable not at all. how to rebuild the relationship? thats a little tricky. this is the age when most people need a little space from there parents to figure out who they are. good luck.

Sorry, but family is family and he should have to go. And he should be talked to BEFORE the trip about attitude! Don't allow him to let you be miserable-that is how he will get the desired outcome he wants!!
I saw an email awhile back about being "drug" here and there as a kid and how they were thankful their parents "drug" them around.
I tell my children that I am going to have fun and they can chose to have fun or not.
And your son is a totally normal teen-which teen would not love being left alone for a week with nobody making them do anything!! Dang, I would love to have that privilege as an adult!! lol

Once my older (by one and two years) brothers were 15 & 16, they stayed home while we went on family vacations. They were home by themselves, my Mom and Dad and my sister and I went. They were responsible for ALL the farm chores while we were gone for a week or more.

Fifteen year-olds need to be consulted on plans, not just included. Talk to him, and more importantly listen to him, about possible solutions.

My kids aren't at that stage yet but I wonder, were you ever close to him? Is this all a teenage thing or is there more to it? My boys are only 11 and 9 but I make sure and talk with them, spend time with them.. I don't let them space out into the unknown, I'm always, hugging and kissing them trying to avoid what you describe above. Not sure if it's possible but I'm going to try. When you talk about rebuilding the relationship, I would just meet him on his turf, whatever he's interested in, join him. Have him explain it to you, spend the day talking in the car, doing errands. I know it will be drudgery for him at this stage but maybe you can find out where he is emotionally that way. I've never allowed movies, radio in the car so conversation comes easy with my boys. There is nothing else to do. I always act crazy with my boys and hugs and kisses come easily back and forth. I'm sure my time will come when it will be harder but maybe you can get some of that fun and communication back. If nothing else, just remember, "this too shall pass" and remember, when he's 25 this will all be just a nightmare...The best of luck to you, I'm sorry it's a difficult time right now.