15 Month Old Won't Stop Throwing His Food

From age 1-2, babies are developmentally going through an exploration phase and learning about the world around them. This is very inconvenient for the parent, but important for the child's development. I agree with Lori's methods for making this easier on you, but try not to discourage their experimentation or they will learn not to explore or question things (very important for later success in life). Meal time is a favorite time for this kind of 'exploring' and William Sears actually recommends just putting a tarp down and letting them make a mess and then wait until they are done to clean it up. Believe me, the novelty eventually wears off if they are allowed to satisfy their curiosity. Punishing with a negative tone is never a helpful tactic, as it only creates insecurity.

With dogs and kids, any kind of intense emotional reaction is a huge incentive for them to do it. This is not out of rebellion or "testing" -- it is actually biologically ingrained for them to keep soliciting the reaction -- i.e.,they can't help it! So with any behavior you are not excited to see over and over, it is always best not to show too much emotion around it. Matter of fact and calm are better reactions.

From ages 2-4 ('two'-berty) their primary developmental goal is to find out ways in which they are a separate being from the parent. This is why "no" is their favorite word. Again, you don't want to punish this developmental stage (they are driven to do it no matter what) but allow them to feel in control by giving them choices and allowing them to make small decisions themselves. Discouraging their attempts to assert themselves as separate beings from you only hurts their sense of self and independence.

Remember, toddlers are not little adults and don't benefit from being forced to act like us right away. Gentle teaching and repetition without expectation of immediate results will yield far better results down the line than punishing or creating battles -- believe me, toddlerhood is NOT the hill you want to die on. I've read that you need to gently repeat things over and over and over and at around 3 they start to assimilate the information and actually act on it.

So, to recap, (roughly) age 1-2, babyproof and control the environment, not the child. They are learning the laws of physics, how things work, and practicing their muscular skills. Age 2-4 (and beyond), give choices and allow as many safe and nonessential opportunities as possible for your child to be 'in control', making choices, and asserting themself. This will lead to better behaved children and more empathetic adults!

Paul Holinger's "What Babies Say Before They Can Talk" has lots of valuable child development information that is important for all ages.

Any of Dr. William Sears' books are user-friendly, good ways to keep your parenting on the right track.

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I'm a little late on this, but I have to say after reading your responses to please listen to Peg & Charlene. Some of the other suggestions of people that take food away from a THIRTEEN MONTH OLD and not feed them again until the next mealtime is beyond extreme and they obviously don't understand children psychology. (Perhaps taking it away temporarily to make a point, but giving it back after a time, would be more appropriate.) I don't mean to say that they're meaning to be cruel - I think they think they're doing the right thing - but in my personal opinion, it's just beyond extreme for that age, specifically because the the reasons suggested by Peg and Charlene. There is NO good reason to let a child go hungry.

Too many people have WAY too high expectations of babies and children. They expect that they comprehend the world around them the same as an adult does, which they absolutely do not. They're understanding of manipulation is not the same definition as what we understand it as. Do they do it? Absolutely, but it's how they learn, not just trying to be "manipulative". It should still be managed of course, but they're view of it should absolutely be taken into consideration when figuring out how to deal with it. On a side note, this is not to say that I don't think that children are smarter than we give them credit for sometimes too, but all the same, they still view things MUCH differently than we do as they are still learning so much about the world around them. All I'm saying is that, that needs to be taken into consideration when dealing with these kinds of situations.

I wish you the best of luck in whatever you decide to do!

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I second Charlene's advice. Right exactly on.

Your son is not "testing" you in the way you are expressing, i.e., seeing how far he can push or manipulate you FOR THE PURPOSE of pushing or manipulating you. He is testing cause and effect: "What happens to X when I do Y?" And sometimes you are X. If you don't react, he'll get bored sooner. But he'll be throwing things for awhile, since this is an absolutely integral exercise to develop coordination, depth perception, neuronal connections for all kinds of other activities.

It is trying sometimes to endure the messy experimentation of our little ones, but I doubt that most parents bring children into the world to force them into conformity. And keep in mind that feeding children at a dining table, in a high chair, is a very recent development in human civilization.

Heck, if I were a little kid still learning to use my body, and could throw thing from a HIGH chair, I would sure do it, early and often! A new power!!! A new thrill!!! Oh, joy!!! (So why is my mom so upset; doesn't she get it?)

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Hi A.,

I asked the same question myself a year or two ago, and have seen it asked before. The advice always falls into two camps: A) how to make them stop, and B) this is developmentally normal and it will go away on its own. I think both are true, but if you want to make it stop I would use a low-key method. Save the heavy parenting for behavior that actually endangers them.

As far as I can tell from the advice given, the most effective way to make it stop (short of yelling, hitting, etc. which I don't condone at all) is to make them help you clean it up. I tried this at 18 months, after ignoring this advice, and then I wished I'd tried it sooner! Whenever she threw or dropped something, I'd say lightly, "Uh-oh. Well, you can help me clean that up when you're done." Very matter-of-factly, not making a big deal out of it. If he can see this is a big deal to you then the stakes are very high, and that's not where you want to go. After the meal, when he's all ready to run off and play, he will hate to be delayed by helping you pick up those peas. A lot of people have written in to say they'd tried terminating the meal immediately, and it didn't have any effect. (I think it can actually have the effect of giving the kid a tool to end the meal whenever he doesn't feel like sitting at the table, simply by tossing food!)

Anyway, making mine help clean it up was pretty effective--really slowed down the dropping and the throwing--but there simply came a time when mine wasn't interested in it anymore, and if it does happen she knows she will have to pick it up. So B is also true. They won't be doing it all that long (in the long run) so many parents just ignore it and pick a different battle later. ;-)

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Hi A.:

I went through the same thing with my daughter for several months. We also tried a lot of things (similar to what you describe) to make her stop. We finally broke her of that habit by buying her a new plate and silverware set (I think it's from "Graduates", the plate has a detachable rim on it and a suction ring to keep it in place). She's MUCH better at feedign herself with it, and the food throwing has finally stopped. I think it was a lot of frustration with her, and of course the play aspect. Within a few weeks she's come to handing me her plate and fork/spoon when she's done eating (she's 17 months now), and we need to clean A LOT less around her chair.

Hope this was any helpful..

Cheers, S.

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I don't want to offend you, but it sounds like in your efforts to get your son to stop throwing his food, you have unintentionally become his favorite form of mealtime entertainment. I say this because of how you described the situation. He's waiting for your response - and you don't disappoint. I don't know the exact answer to this, but I think it will involve not "rewarding" him with the type of responses you have been giving him. So the question is, what to do instead? Maybe try serving only food that won't make a terrible mess on your walls (e.g. no spaghetti), only serving a small amount at a time (then serve more as needed), let him wait a little longer so he's really hungry and will be more focused on filling his tummy and then maybe if you "ignore" the behavior, he will eventually stop, because he's not getting the reaction he wants. Another potentially painful thing to consider is this: you are a work at home mom. Do you take regular breaks to pay attention to nothing but him? He may be trying to get your undivided attention, even if it is negative. If you aren't already, spend a few 20-30 minute sessions with him each day playing with him, doing what he loves to do. Combine that with ignoring the throwing, and see what happens. I know your frustration. I've worked full-time plus out of the home, and have been a student trying to do homework with a little one to care for, in the home, as well. And take heart - this too shall pass.

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He knows by now that he should not do this. So, the FIRST time he threw anything, I would take away his food IMMEDIATELY and put him down. I would tell him calmly, "I'm sorry, but you threw your food, and that is not allowed. I must take away your food. You can try again at the next meal." DO NOT FEED HIM ANYTHING UNTIL THE NEXT MEAL. He can have water. He will not starve. Anytime he cries or asks for food, say, "I'm sorry, but you threw your food. that is not allowed. You must wait until the next meal." Do not give in. Do not persuade. Keep it simple, but be firm and follow through. Repeat as necessary. I think he will learn quickly not to do this -- he will be motivated into good behavior because he will be hungry.

After he has eaten a little, and he does it again, it will be becauuse he's NOT hungry -- take the tray away again and make him wait until the next meal. NO SNACKING.

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We had the problem too, for a while. We started the take-it-away approach, and it really helped. At first, my son would get one warning - If you throw food again, you'll lose your plate. Hungry boys don't throw food on the floor. After a week or two of that, we dropped the warning and just took the plate if he threw food. Same with the sippy cup. He was also required to pick up any food/utensils that he threw/dropped. There was no more food until the next meal or snack, usually at least a couple of hours away.

One other thing to watch out for, and I can't remember the age that this was a problem for us. When my son was full, he would start to play with his food and then start to throw it. He must have known that throwing food would get my attention, and that was his signal that he was done. So if your son is eating well and then throwing, maybe watch a little closer for early indications that he's full.

What worked with my son was making him clean up his own mess. As early as 12 months, you can teach them to clean up. When he was done eating, I'd put him down on the floor and tell him to clean up what he threw on the floor. I'd hold his bowl or plate and one by one, he'd pick up the food and put it on the dish. Then I'd give him a wet wash cloth and show him how to wash the floor. Obviously, it will take 5 times as long as it would take you, and you will still need to clean up when he is done, but it teaches him responsibility. It really takes the fun out of throwing food when you remember that you will have to clean it up. Some times it was a fight to get him to finish, but you have to be consistent. I am not a fan of the advice to end the meal as soon as food is thrown because I don't want him to make the connection that the way to get down to play is to throw food. Instead, teach him a way to say "all done" either verbally or with sign.

Turn your back to him and walk out of the room. No emotion...if you must walk outside and and emote there (I've been known to walk to the mail box and scream). Wait, if he starts screaming, walk back out until it stops. If you come back in and he is still throwing food, walk out again--no emotion.

Only put him down when he is calm. If he starts screaming or throwing food when he is down, clean him up, (no emotion) (sigh) and put him in his room and get one of those outside locks for those doors. Leave him in one minute.

He is playing a attention getting power game. Getting you to have a reaction is his reward. So not reacting is turning his game off. He will have more such power games I am sure. So you will have to figure out what he wants and what to do about it.

I second the take it away method. My son is now 4 and at age two he did the same thing. He only did it to test the rules. I tried everything also. Naughty chair, yelling, squeezing his hand nothing worked. Finally we gave up and took the food away the first instance of him throwing it. We also made him stay at the table. Sometimes he would scream and kick a the table so we pushed him up against a wall. We instilled the belief that meal time is family time.

My son's food throwing issues were so bad that he didn't eat for 3 days once. In that time period he at 1/2 a banana and 1 bite of mac & cheese. Otherwise everything else ended up being hurled at my head. He would rip plates out of our hands just to throw them. He even threw plates in restaurants. To end the three day fast we resorted to feeding him exclusively. He was not allowed within arms reach of any morsel of food. This went on for 3 days. Then we bought plates & bowls that suction cup to the table (which totally don't work), but I used my hand to hold the plate down. He would still try to pull it out of my hand. If he did he lost the food. This went on for a very long time. It took 2 years for him to finally get over all of the food throwing. Now he just throws toys.