14 Year Old Birthday Party

Hi J.,
I say why not? If adults are going to be there at all time then what's the big deal? I grew up with having more guy friends then girls and we always spent out birthdays together...even to this day. My niece also just had a boy/girl birthday party where they just hung out ate, danced, ect... it was nice.

Hi J.,
My son just had his 14th mixed birthday party. We have a pool and the kids had a blast. Very innocent. You need to trust your daughter to make the right choices and friends. With out the trust she will just be sneaking off to other kids houses that are allowed to have co-ed parties; wouldn't you much rather have it right under your nose so you can be in control?

Good luck.

2 words here...BE THANKFUL! Your 14 yar old wants to hang out and celebrate in your house instad of somewhere else where they will be doing who knows what! You have the ability to supervise them, let them have a good time, without the negative influences of alcohol, drugs, and sex. Yes, I said sex and I mean of any kind. Make your presence known and they will still have a good time. So many teens at this age want the pressure removed but don't want to ask for it, it is up to us parents to provide it to them, even when we don't know if they want it. I suggest a good enough crowd so there won't be pairing off,(20) and have a good time!

I think it is fine; especially since you will be there!! If your hubby has a problem with this, have him supervise the party with you. Just make it clear to your daughter ahead of time they kids invited are just friends...nothing else! Have a bunch of different activities that all the kids can do together so no one will be come bored and start trouble :) Good luck and have fun while it's still inoccent!

I just had a party like that for my 15 year old son, I was worried at first, but my husband and I both had our eyes and ears open to the kids. It was a great experiance, because we got to see how our child acted with other teens and we got to meet all the kids, It was really cool because the kids actually wanted to interact with us. We didnt have any issues at all. We were happy to see what kind of kids he chooces to hang out with. I hope this helps. J.

As long as there is adult supervision I see nothing wrong with boys coming to the party. It is better that she feel comfortable inviting them to your home than to feel she has to sneak around to see them. If you make a big deal about friendships with members of the opposite sex and forbid her from inviting them over she will simply feel more comfortable being friendly with them away from home. It might make her feel there is something about boys that scares you and she will want to know what it is. So my advise is to relax, enjoy the party and get to know all of her friends.

I tis fine as long as you make your presence known. My 14th was my first "boy girl" party, and the rule was no one in my bedroom, and not more than one person in the bathroom at a time. My party was during the winter so we were in the house the whole time. Good Luck.

Hi J.,

Having a co-ed party for a 14 year old is one of the best things your family can do, especially having it at your home. I've got three teens ages 14,16 and 18 and have hosted coed parties for them on several occasions. My husband had no problem with it because we were able to control the envrironment. This is also an excellent opportunity to meet your daughter's friends/classmates and get to know them. Since 14 year olds don't drive, you'll also get to meet their parent's as the kids are dropped off and picked up.

One of the hardest things with raising teens is knowing where they're at, who they're with and what they're doing. You'll know all of that by having the kids at your house. Later when your daughter starts dating, you will most likely have already met friend A,B or C at your home.

When hosting the party, be frequently visible but don't hover. Kids need to socialize but will also learn boundaries with parents present. The other parents will appreciate what you're doing and may return the favor by hosting gatherings as well.

Good luck and have fun :)

I can't think a better way to push a girl towards boys than by denying them access to healthy relationships with them. I think he's having a very normal reaction to being a father of a young woman. I'm sure he'll keep an eye on them, and someone absolutely should!

Unless there is not going to be any adult supervision or a sleep over what is the problem? She has male friends I am assuming, the differance here is your husband and you can sit there and watch all that is going on. Do you let her go to the mall or movies with her friends or only with her "girlfriends"? If you let her go do chances are they are that they are hanging out with boys at some point along the way. Again in this situation you and your husband have more control over what is going on.

Hi J.---I can't see any problems with having both boys and girls, providing you've set up ground rules for all of the kids, and their parents, like pick up times, etc. You didn't mention whether or not an overnight is involved. You could still hold the party and then have the boys all picked up by, say 11 pm.

When our now 17 year old started hanging out with friends, both boys and girls, we were most happy to have them all over to our house. Yes, it makes more work for you, but the great thing is that you know where your child is and what she is doing with her friends. It can help you to get to know those friends and be confident in their behavior once they are able to be by themselves. Your daughter will have her drivers license soon and then you might not see her or her friends as much.

It is so unfortunate that there are other parents out there that won't take the care that you would like with the kids, theirs and yours. I've heard from so many other parents about alcohol being allowed at graduation parties and other get togethers. At least when they are at your house, you can be sure that the kids activities match your expectations of them.

Encourage your husband to look at this as offering your daughter the opportunity to show you that she's been listening to your life lessons up to this point. It is our job to help them grow into good decision makers. Let her show you what she's learned.

Good luck and have fun at the birthday party. D.

I had my first boy/girl birthday party at 14, that is the perfect age as long as you and your husband or another adult are there this should not be an issue, with the pool and other games, some music she will have a very good time and remember it for a very long time, oh by the way I am 51 so that was a long time ago.....this is when the boys and girls start to understand each other....remind dad that adult supervision will be there and anyone out of line will be sent home.

D

I say have the party, then you and your husband invite a couple people over on the pretense you are playing a game (i.e. texas hold 'em, trivia pursuit, whatever). Extra adults, extra eyes, always watching! If you had one adult for every two teenagers you shouldn't have too much of a problem.

good luck!
K.

Let her have her party, they need to be exposed to the opposite sex in groups. it's great that you have a pool, it keeps them out of your house. Buy pizza and pop, let them swim for a few hours. Just make sure you are sitting and LISTENING to everything that is going on. Whenever I drive my 14 1/2 year old and her girl and boy friends I turn down the radio and evesdrop, so that I can know what they are thinking and talking about. My daughter had a party for her 14th b'day, it went fine until two boys started shaking up cans of pop and spraying each other, in the house. OMG

I understand your husband's concerns. I also have a 12-year old boy (almost 13) and he and his friends like to have "get togethers". We were a little cautious at first also; however, we set some ground rules and they are the same for all of the group not just at our house. For instance, at least one parent is supervising the kids at all times; they are not allowed upstairs (that is where his bedroom is); and, they are always group activities. We as parents also communicate about whatever the activity is going to be and we take turns holding at each other's houses. For example, I am getting ready to schedule another that will be outside with food, and a movie like a drive-in, and maybe swimming. I think that if you have certain rules and expectations and all the kids are aware of them, it should be okay. And, at least then you know where they are, what they are doing, and who they are doing it with.
B.

I would rather get to know the boys that my daughter wants to hang out with, then not know them at all. It is completly appropriate to have a supervised day party with boys and girls together. You want her to feel comfortable with all her friends, not have to sneak around, you know? Tell your husband it's good to meet the boys - friends close, enemies closer, kinda thing :)

This is normal at this age to want to have both boys and girls, and so long as there is parental supervision, and your daughter knows the rules and restrictions in advance, it should be a great time for all the kids. You may want to have another adult couple or two on hand as well to help keep an eye on things, and that would give you and your husband someone to talk to and make it more enjoyable for both of you too. Why not included a barbeque for the adults?

That's normal for her age. As long as you and your husband are there, I don't see any problem with it. If there's a pool, that will keep them pretty busy. It's not like you are going to let them sneak off to the basement to play spin the bottle. Just lay the ground rules with your daughter about what you expect and let her know that if they are broken the party will be over and there won't be another party. I think it sounds fun. Hanging out at the pool with your friends, listening to music...Goodl luck. Let us know how it goes.

Hi J.,

I am not in that stage yet with my children. They are only 7, 5, and 4, but I have friends with teenagers. To me, I would for sure let her have the party. You will be there of course and therefore have the opportunity to see who she hangs out with and what they are like. Teens are going to get together some way or another, so why not let them do it with supervison. Your daughter will also appreciate the respect and trust. Why punsish her if she has done nothing wrong. I think it is totally appropriate to have a boy/girl party as long as it is supervised. Good Luck with your husband. Probably doesn't want his baby girl to grow up.

K.

Dear J. M.,

Pray and ask God for ideas, as He always has the best ideas of all ideas.

Then, I would ask your daughter if any of the moms/dads of her friends would want to volunteer to chaperone your daughter's party. If you can get enough chaperones so they are never alone as boy/girl couples, it should be O.K. to have this party.

Your pool would likely keep them busy much of the time.

Just be sure to have a meal and then plenty of snacks and soda pop and fruit juices. Prices of groceries are so expensive that some families might not be able to provide something like this all the time and it would be a real treat for those kids.

I would also ask your daughter if she has to have gifts. If she says yes, then ask her to give you names of kids who could afford to bring gifts. My family is in the higher end of low income but not poor and if I got many invitations close together, I could not afford gifts for all of them. My granddaughters like receiving gifts, but personally I just like to be around those who love me. The gifts don't mean much any more.

L. C.