14 Month Old Purposefully Slams Head into Floor

Most behaviour like this will pass. Most likely he is feeling there is a change coming and is doing his best to make sure he is going to continue to get the attention he is used to getting. There are a couple of things you could try. One, either ignore the behaviour and let him stop on his own each time. Two, choose this time to begin the discipline he is going to need in the future anyway. You may choose time-outs or whatever you decide. I have 4 children ranging from 7 years to 3 months, and my husband and I are some of the few people who still believe in swats. That has worked well for us with all our children so far (except the baby, of course!). It is important to get some of these things under control before your next baby is born to make it easier on you during that time and safer for the baby. Good luck with everything!

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Hi M.,

My son did this as well. It lasted for maybe 3 months and then he stopped. We pretty much just let him do it unless he was really hitting it hard. Then we just picked him up and put him in his playpen and he would continue to be mad. I think however he started to realize that it wasn't getting him anyway and it hurt and he stopped. Probably just a phase he is going though.

Best of luck,
K.

I have a 23 month old that went through the same thing about that age. I think you're doing the right thing. We ignored it and it didn't last long. If he was on our hardwood floor or some place he could hurt himself we would move him...Don't worry, it will probably only last a month or two.

My 2 youngest sons did the same thing.... we have hardwood floors, and eventually they stopped doing it. I would just walk away and when they started crying because it didn't feel very good when the banged really hard I would tell them in a very normal voice, something like that doesn't feel very good does it? only after they calmed down would I comfort them. They eventually stop on their own. My youngest is 21 months and he is still working it.... stay strong, if you are really worried check with your doctor. But he should stop soon... it's not fun for him if he doesn't get the reward of your attention.

M.:
There are some good tips from our friends here; BUT, just to be safe, place some mats or pillows so he wont hurt his head. He can really hurt his vulnerable growing brain if he keeps doing it.
Many children with autism bang their heads (and most parents did not know their diagnose when they started doing it)and have self injury episodes (some daily episodes).
Just check for more signs or symptoms. Have the autism checklist handy and keep checking as he grows older.
The Autism Research Institute (ari) has a checklist, or the National autism org.

Good luck

I suggest you have the doctor take a look at him. This may be a real issue. Either that or he's got you nailed and knows you're going to give in. Either way, you need help. I would put him in a place where there are pillows and blankets (where he is safe) and let him wail. You must be consistant. However, if it comes to the point where he is purposefully hurting himself over a continuous basis - he could get brain damage (and there is a condition for this disorder, but you have to be firm w/ your doctors and keep at them).

My youngest daughter did the same thing when she was that age. She realized if she hit her head on the floor while throwing a tantrum, I would pick her up and nurture her. Once I realized that it was becoming contrived (the head banging for attention part) I became like a hawk and as SOON as she begin her fit I would scoop her up and put her down on the couch to have her tantrum safely while I could ignore her. She didn't like that very much, so over time, with great consistency, she stopped the tantrums.

Occasionally while she was having her fits, I would wait for a little opening to invite her to play with me when she was finished being upset. If she continued, I would continue to "play without her." She got over her head banging pretty quickly.

Let your husband know if your son gets attention when he head bangs, he will continue to do it, because that is EXACTLY what we wants. Children are good at finding ways to get their needs met (as we all are), so if you give him a better way to get the attention he desires and realizes this way is no longer working, he will switch. Behavior Modification 101...

my son did this as well. Our Dr. said he would not hurt himself. I would move him to a soft spot with out making eye contact or talking to him- carpet instead of tile and walk away. I knew he was Ok when he would get up and find me and start the behavior again-just wanted attention. He eventually stopped- I don't remember how long it took.

Hi M.,

It sounds like your son wants attention, wants it now, and wants it his way.

When I was young my sister, who at the time was about your son's age, used to do something similar. If she didn't get her way she would bend over in the middle of the floor, take aim with her forehead, then start beating her head up and down on the floor so hard she would raise huge bumps. To stop her from doing this my mom started saying to her, "Oh look! Betty's going to eat worms." This in turn would infuriate my sister who would then, instead of beating her own head on the floor, would throw herself onto the floor in a rage, rolling around, kicking, screaming, and crying, until she turned red and purple in the face.

I remember one day my mom and I were mixing cookies in the kitchen when my sister went into her routine. Sis was told not to do something. As she bent over to take aim at the floor with her head, Mama said, "Betty's going to eat worms." Sis started her kicking and screaming thing and kept it up for more than 20 minutes. Mama just went about her cookie making like nothing was unusual. I asked Mom, "How come you stand to let her do that?!" Mama said, "She wants my attention and I'm not going to give it to her when she behaves like that."

Sis didn't pull this stunt too many times in front of Daddy because his remedy was to pick her up, paddle her behind, then put her in her room until she straightened up.

Bottom line, Sis eventually got over it, and outgrew the stage. I know it is difficult to put up with behavior so severe, especially in someone so young.

You are in my prayers,
L.

Both of my girls went through this at about that age. Believe it or not, it's just a warm up to the "terrible twos!" He will get over it in a month or two, and will eventually become far more persistent and creative in his protests. =)

My oldest son did the same thing at that same age. He's now 28. It was a short lived phase, probably lasted a month or two. It scared me when he did it because I thought he would hurt himself, but my pediatrician told me to just let him ride it out and he wouldn't do it for long. She was right.
I was told to just ignore him, don't even give him the satisfactin of looking at him while he did it. He'd probably hit his head on the floor 4 or 5 times until he realized "hey, no one cares I'm doing this.." The red mark on the forehead looked pretty lame. I'd take him in the bathroom after his little episode and show him his red mark and say "look at your pink forehead, that looks silly, Mommy doesnt have one."
Anyway, it will be a short lived phase if he doesn't attract attention from doing it. Just remember, giving them attention when they are being good always wins out over giving them attention when they are doing something wrong. Unless of course you want to raise a "bad boy".

If you pick him upn you are letting him know that he can get his way by doing that. They are very clever at a young age so just let him do it.

You received great advice and I think the main idea is to just walk away! Two's are soo super hard and take so much patience for parents to figure out. This too shall pass.
And to meet the middle ground of your husband wanting to cuddle him right away; then let your son throw the fit and when he has calmed down then you can hug him and talk to him and explain why you are not going to give him hugs or listen while he is throwing his fit.
Good luck with your new little family!!

Don't worry about him hurting his head badly by doing this. my daughter fell down a flight of stairs and hit her head on the corner of a desk at the bottom of the stairs, all she had was a cut and a bump. she also had a book case fall on her head on the same place different time and still nothing but a bump. the forehead is the strongest part of the whole head once the soft stop is hardened. For good reason too.

Buy him a helmet, which he must wear, and ignore him. He is doing it for attention and attention only.

If you follow your husband's advice and cuddle him every time your son does not get his way, just wait until he is older. Your son will be running your home and lives and that is not what you want him to go into adult life thinking. Actions have consequences.

Remember that our children learn what we teach them and you must teach him that he is not in charge. You are the parent and that what you say goes. Please get this under control before your next baby is born or there will be major trouble when the baby arrives. If you think your son is looking for attention now, just wait until he has competition from a newborn.

Good luck and God bless -

I have a 14 month old son that also throws fits on the floor. I have found that if I leave the room, of course, as long as they are safe (or go to where they can't see you) he will stop and work through his fit on his own and come find me. This may not work everytime, but it has been working. I noticed that if I pick him up immediately as he starts his fit, he stops almost like it's a game.

I think you're doing the right thing. You know when they are really hurt and truly need coddling.

Good Luck!

My little guy, now closing in on 4 years old, used to bang his head on the floor too...and it concerned me greatly because I was fearful that it could turn into other forms of "self punishment" or hurting himself...

Our pediatrician said not to worry about it because, as you correctly stated, they will realize it hurts. I think she said that they would knock themself out before they could really hurt themself...I think that's what she said.

In any event, I have worked very hard with him on dealing with frustration and how to handle "no". It's not easy. Banging his head on the ground turned into hitting himself in the head with his hands...he still sometimes does this, but not very often. I think we've made a lot of progress.

So what did I do...well, I would comfort him. That doesn't mean the answer I gave him would change, just that I would stop what I was doing to work with him to help him hear no and react appropriately. So, for example, he wants something and I say "no"...and he starts banging his head on the ground, I would say something like "oh honey, don't do that (in a kind and loving voice -- NEVER use sarcasm!) it hurts you and mommy doesn't want you to hurt yourself." Often I would hold him until he calmed down. Then I would talk to him and help him name his feelings. For instance, I would ask if he was sad (or mad) because mommy said "no". I would let him know that it's OK to have those feelings and that sometimes I am sad/mad too. Then I would often ask him to take a few deep breaths with me. He's an expert deep breather. :-)

Then I would suggest what other kids might do when their moms told them "no"...for instance, I would suggest he simply say "Ok mom, do you think I could do that/have that later?" and have him say that to me...and then I would respond with whatever was true "yes, after dinner you can have a cookie" or "yes, when mommy is done with xxx then we can read a book/play playdough, whatever it might be." (and sometimes the answer is just plain "no"...and I would explain why.

He also can't understand why a playmate might do something unkind - like hit him. One day at playgroup another kid did just that and in his frustration of not knowing how to react or handle it he started hitting himself in the head. It was difficult to watch, but I immediately scooped him up, had him take a few deep breaths, and I asked him how he felt and he told me that "Max hit me and I didn't like it". I had him go and tell the other boy not to hit him. And he did. That is a great victory -- he stands up for himself. He doesn't hit back, but he tells other kids "I don't like it when you xxx, please don't do that again".

It's a long process and it's VERY hard. I guess the key is to teach him what an appropriate response is and give them the words and the license to tell you. It's frustrating as a parent to go through this, but it feels very worthwhile now knowing that I have taught him (still teaching him) how to deal with his negative feelings -- rejection, frustration, etc, rather than expecting him to figure it out himself or ignoring those feelings. I want him to be a man who can name his feelings and logic out a reasonable response to them...isn't that what we wish our husbands did? :-) And I want him to tell the people in his life this is how I feel and I need you to stop/start doing xxx...instead of silence. He says things in a nice way, because that's the example I have given him. I get lots of good feedback on him too...

So there you go, that's how I chose to handle this icky situation. I guess the question to ask is what does "letting him grow out of it" mean in terms of your relationship and teaching him to deal with his feelings/problems. I'm sure for many people that works fine...it may be the perfect solution for you. My "method" may work for your family, and it may not...you're on the right track though by thinking about what the best way to handle it is!

Good luck!

One thing I haven't seen mentioned is the method advocated in "Raising Your Spirited Child" that is a way of managing the environment and the transitions so that you don't have to manage the child as much. Look around and see if you can eliminate trouble spots that are going to lead into a battle of 'no'. Plan ahead for transitions - they are typical points in the day when toddlers melt down, it is hard for them to move from doing one thing to another sometimes. You might have a cupboard or box full of fun things that are not available for free play, so they are always interesting when you do bring them out. Try using these special things by getting your toddler transitioned out of your arms and onto the interesting toy so that getting put down isn't a negative thing, but a positive thing.

Also, you might try filling his little 'cuddle account' by babywearing. The need for physical contact is so strong, and some kids need it more than others, plus there are times like when molars come in, when a baby finds only her parent's arms soothing. I find that carrying my little one in our German wrap fills her need for being held and enables me to put her down at other times. You can also utilize this method during times when you need your hands free but he's still low on cuddles and doesn't want to be put down. If you don't have a carrier that is comfortable for you to wear, you can find gently used carriers at www.thebabywearer.com, they have a FSOT forum - it's nice to be able to try different styles and see which one you like.

I just read an article about "saying no without saying no" and our counselor advises the same thing - when you need to stop the little one from doing something, instead of using No, say what you DO want him to do. Instead of "No jumping on the bed" try "Beds are for sleeping. You can jump on the floor". They honestly don't know, so they need to hear it. That enables you to keep things positive, and not wear out the power of your NO. 'No' needs to stay strong so that it is effective when it is needed for bigger issues like safety.