Yes, I know, that is a serious problem with teens, they have truly been mislead in our culture about their responsibilities and loyalties to the family. it isn't necessarily your fault or your family's fault, it is the environment in which we live.
I just read a book called "Facing the Lion" it is about a boy growing up as a third son in a Maasai family in Kenya. They moved their home from place to place in order to take care of the cattle that were their livelihood. I know that it doesn't sound like it would help your daughter, but truly, I am 76 almost and it opened my eyes to the wonders of different cultures than ours. We need to somehow band together to teach our children the kind of loyalty and graciousness of these Maasai families.
Oprah had a family go to an African country similar to these people and the American children of that family really got the message about being spoiled and disrespectful to parents - I wish that you could get a copy of that program and show it to your daughter.
Also, if you could find this book 'Facing the Lion' at the library - I am buying a couple of copies from Amazon just so I can give them to my family. The used ones are only about $3.66 - new they are $6.95 - it is a National Geographic book. The author is Joseph Lemasulai Lekuton. He is now a teacher in a very prestigious American school near Washington D.C.
Well, I have rambled on and haven't helped you at all, I just don't know what to tell you - except one thing - Your daughter is trying her best to grow up in a very dangerous and difficult world now. My son told me when he was in high school that if I - his Mother - was in hight school at that time that I would not be able to handle it. ...and that was a long time ago. But, it was a memorable moment for me, and one that I cannot forget.
Even though teens are irritating and disrespectful, they are our children and we need to try to get into a close relationship with them. Remember, if your boss would tell you what to do constantly, and order you around, then you would be looking for another job. Well, not that your daughter will be looking for another family, but she will become more and more depressed and confused.
That is all I know. C. N.