14-Month-old and New Baby Coming Soon

i know ths is going to sound a little weird to alot of people..but i was the same age as you when my second child was born..i also had a mommas not like there was no tomorrow..i too was worried how i was going to help brandon (my first) make the transition from the only child to a big brother..then one day his dr. told me i should get him a doll...i laughed and told him he was crazy!! well i got him the doll..and for a few months before the new baby came brandon and i would practice with the doll. we would do things such as feeding, changing, burping, and putting him to sleep..(to my surprise my macho boy loved it)well when the baby came..and it came time for mommie to feed or change the baby..brandon would get his doll and do everything i would do to the doll.(once he even got on to me b/c i was being too loud and i was disturbing "his baby")lol and to show him that he was being such a big brother i would allow him to participate in the feeding and changing of the new baby..then as the baby got older he got to hold her more often,etc..i can honestly say that b/c of that doll brandon never showed any jealousy or resentment towards the new baby.. i have since had 3 other children and have done the same thing with all of them..and never had any probles with the transition.. hope this may help you..congrats on the new baby and good luck

1 mom found this helpful

I was really worried bout this too when I was going to have my second child. Everybody has their own method of how to take care of this situation but this is what we did. First off, my oldest had never been around any other kids before at the time so that's what had scared me the most. Anyways.. we had my mom take my daughter home w/ her for the 1st week my son was born so that way she'd have a good amount of attention focused on her. While there my parents bought her a babydoll and taught her how to take care of it like it was a real baby. And it worked out pretty well. I don't know how this would work out for a boy but make sure you let him help out as much as possible and show him as much attention as possible. Goodluck!

I think you are "borrowing trouble" (as they say) being concerned about how he will react seeing you hold the baby before he even gets here. Kids are smart and resiliant. You will probably be amazed on what a great big brother he will be.

As far as preaparing him. It's such a big deal, not much you can do to prepare except talk to him a reassure him of his place in the family. It's just something you are going to have to figure out trial and error. All kids adjust differently.

Hi A.,

My babies are 14 months apart too, my son just turned 3 this weekend and my daughter is 22 months. All I can advise you is not to worry about it or stress yourself out about how things will be when the 2nd baby arrives. Your son will adjust fine and so will you. It's amazing how much your heart and even your arms will grow to accomodate another person to love! You'll be tired of course at the beginning, but thankfully your newborn will take several naps throughout the day and you can use that time to spend one-on-one with Jami. And it may help YOU out if you can get them to both sleep at least one nap at the same time as each other so YOU can have a break too! For me, my daughter would take a morning nap while my son and I played and then after lunch they would both nap. And it didn't happen too often, but if my son was feeling especially clingy I would sit on the couch while nursing my daughter and my son could sit next to us while he played with a toy or "read" a book. I really believe in the power of suggestion and that our children can sense the things that stress or bother us. If you remain positive and encouraging to your son (and newborn) then they will play off that and everything should work itself out fine. And one benefit of having them close together is that they will be GREAT buddies. My son and daughter are now inseparable and do everything together and they love each other so much--it's so sweet! Please message me if you want to talk--especially about how to balance two babies so close together with even little stuff like getting your grocery shopping done if you have to take them along and things like that. I'd love to write more but have got lots to do, you know how that goes!

Here's just a few quick little things I did that really helped. My son was 23 months when we brought home little sister.

First off, I did not let anyone bring my son to the hospital while I was there. That is NOT the place for him to meet the new "intruder" HA. It was hard for me not to see him, but he would have not understand leaving me there, he would have felt betrayed that I was not coming with him. Too young to understand.

When you come home, have Grandma or someone else other than you and your husband holding the baby. Make sure your arms are only for him when you first get home. (sit on the couch holding him, you don't have to lift him) IMPORTANT First impressions last a really long time with small kids and will set the basics for that sibling relationship.

A head of time (cuz once there's two of them, not time for much afterwards, plan ahead) I got a little gift bag and filled it with new little toys just for him, whenever I fed my daughter, the bag came out, he could sit beside me and play with his "special toys" while sissy ate. That took the fact away that she was getting attention when he wasn't, but he didn't care NEW TOYS! Smart huh??

AND NEVER EVER say, Honey I can't hold you because I'm Feeding, rocking, bathing, (whatever) Colton. Don't but the blame on him. Just say I'm busy and when I'm done I'll be right with you.

Remember that everything is a challenge, but God made you a Mother and he never gives us more than we can handle (OH I have questioned that more than once HA) But it's true, He doesn't. You'll make mistakes, we all do, no matter what our age. You'll be fine, try to follow those little steps, and I'm sure it be great. In a year, year and half, you'll be so happy you had them this close together in age. They will be GREAT playmates. You are blessed, remember to keep reminding yourself that.

OH PS, Like Dr. Phil says, tell your husband to plug in!!! He'll have to. I have never said the word "Divorce" to mine, but about once every 3-4 months he'll start to slack off and I'll say "Are you part of this family? Do you want to be a part of this family? Well then act like it." Works for mine.
I gave birth to two kids, but I have THREE. :D

You might try getting a life size baby doll, Wrapping it in a blanket and carring it around. Let Jami know when you have the "baby" you can't hold him. I don't remember how often babies feed but try to work it in you schedule now. If you think you will be feeding the baby every two hour. Then every two hours "feed" the doll. If you have a feed hand you might try reading a book at this time. My daughter loved feedings durning the day when I would read to her. Not only will the new baby be read to, but Jami will feel this is his time too. He can pick out the book and bring it to mama and then sit in his chair and "help" mama feed the baby. He may be able to pat the baby's back for burping if you trust him.

i am 19 yrs old, i have two children, they r 10 months apart, son is 1 and daughter is two months old. my husband doesnt help out much either. i feel like a single mom. i am doing everything for these kids. he will help out once in a while like give the other a bath while i give the other one one.
it is hard watching after them cuz if my son is on the loose and i turn my head for 2 seconds, he is slapping my lil gurl.
he too is a momma's boy, he throws a fit everytime i hold her or leave the room to feed her. he doesnt get the same attention he had before the baby was here, and i wish i can give him more.

I have 4 sons. My oldest 2 are 16 months apart. Then there is a 3 year difference between the next set, and they are 17 months to the day. I was in the same boat you where. My husband and I just got married, and then shortly after I was pregant with our first son. I turned 19 ten days before I had our first son. My husband was more less a play mate with our oldest son for a long time. I was scared of how our oldest was going to act when I brought home the new baby. It was better then what I could of ever image. Since I really didn't have much time to prepare myself let alone our son. I found out I was pregant with number 2 when I was 5 1/2 months along with him and had him 6 weeks early. All our oldest remembers though is that number 2 has been here along. It was quite funny awhile back. Our oldest was looking through baby pictures and wanted to know where is brother was. So I had to explain to him that at one time their was just him. I have 2 big momma boys. Right now they all are (My husband is overseas). But 2 are really bad. Family gives me a hard time about it. It's number 2 and number 4. It's not that I favor them anymore. Number 2 had a rough start in life, and then was the baby for 3 years, then we had number 3, and 4. And number 4 is it. Like others have said a schedule is the KEY of life. My kids are so much happier on a schedule they know what's going on and when. It makes my life a lot easier too. That way I have some nice relaxing time. When my husband came home in Feb. for 2 weeks he could not believe that I had all 4 kids in bed and asleep by 7pm. It was nice that way we could have some alone time.
It will all work out. Just take it one day at a time.

Hi A., This might be long so beware.

I am 31 now and I had my first child at 16 (I have 4 children and my husband works to jobs), you are only 3 years older than what I was, same as you, my now husband (then boyfriend), was very over welmed and immature which is cause of the lack of support and help. When women have babies know matter what the age they always grow up faster than what the men do. I believe men don't ever grow up and if they do it's not until they are 30. We have been together for 17 years total and married for 10 and I'm still learning.

So thats a long way away before you husband decides to step in and help out where and when needed. Most men don't help because they are to scared to, they are afraid they will burt the baby or do something wrong. My husband is helping out more than ever now with our 4th than he ever has with the other 3. He has gained confidence in himself. So when something needs done ask your husband now can you do this for me and if he needs the guidance give it and the praise for doing a good job and it may not bedone the exact way that you would of done it but atleast it's done. In some ways when you are young and first starting of, you the "wife" will fill more as a "mother" to your husband than his wife at times.

So here is what you can do to help all of you. The one thing that will save you on is get you and your son on a schedule now before the baby is here. such as
8:00 am breakfast
10:00 am naptime
11:30 am lunch
12:30 pm - 2:30pm naptime
3:00 pm snack
5:00 dinner
8:00 om bath, book and sippy cup/bottle
9:00 pm bedtime

this will help you alot, I repeat ALOT. Get this started now while you are still pregnant with the new one and when the new one gets here get that baby on a schedule the minute he is born.

Once you have this done everthing will fall into place. I have my youngest (7 months on this exact schedule) and she has slept through the nigh since she was 6 weeks old.
Also talk to your son about the new baby coming, go and get him a baby doll that is his size practice holding the baby, being "gentle" with the baby. Get things out that the baby will be "in" swing, bassinet or cradle. If your son isn't off the bottle do it now while there is plenty of time atleast 5 months left of your pregnancy. I'm a home child care provider and I watched 2 kids that their mom was pregnant with twins along with myself and this is what I did, I had everything out and told them no when they did something like throw toys in the bassinet, or turn on the swing, run through the house anything that would possibly harm a new baby (I started doing this when I started to "show" and it worked).
Get your son ready for being away from mommy for a couple of days. Figure out wether daddy is going to be at the hospital with you, who is taking your son while you are having the baby, try yo get as much as you can planned out. Have your son stay at this persons house 1 month until it is closer to time and so on. Have everyone great your oldest son first when they come to see you at the hospital, have big brother buy the little brother a present and the same for the older one. When I had my 4th my kid came up to see me and the new baby had brought them all gifts they really liked this, their new sister got them a present.

My 3rd daughter everytime we would say the new baby was a pretty girl she would no I'm a pretty a pretty girl and we would say no we have 2 pretty girls after a few weeks she understood we didn't think any less of her and we still loved her just as much.
So when you say things to the baby make sure you say them to your oldest also. Make sure your son is used to noise before the baby gets here that way you don't have the baby waking up your older one.

I can only say I know what you are feeling and I didn't have mine close in age, you don't have to to know how it feels. I hope this helps you in someway.
By the way I call the schedule your "groove" every mother has one you just have to find yours.
The ages of my kids are 15 yrs, 6 yrs, 3 yrs, and 7 months.
W.