23 answers

13 Yr Old Step-son Is "Messing" Pants.....

My husband discovered that his 13 yr old son threw away 3 pairs of boxers because he "messed" in them.. This seems extremely odd to me. My husband says he is just being lazy. I think that is not the case....Has anyone ever dealt with this???? Should I call Dr.?

What can I do next?

Featured Answers

It could be IBS - Irritable Bowel Syndrome:


***But it sounds more like Encopresis*** Here are some good links about it:




Poor guy! I hope this diagnosis will help him, and you as his parents. In the interim, keeping extra clothes and accidents as private and discreet as possible is definitely going to help him from any shame, embarassment or teasing he may experience. My heart goes out to him....


More Answers

Yes. Yes absolutely. He's being "lazy?" No. Something is odd...and I don't want to insinuate anything bad, but this could be a sign of a few things...medical, emotional.....it can be a sign that someone is abusing him. Definitely take him to the doc asap.

I would say that he was embarrassed and ashamed, I wouldn't make a big deal. I would just
say next time just put them in a plastic bag and let you know so you can clean them.
Maybe he wasn't feeling well and couldn't make it to the bathroom in time. I would ask if he
was having stomach problems, etc. Just let him know you are concerned not that you care
about the underwear say it's no big deal, you are just wondering if he is feeling ok.

Anyway, I hope you that helps,

I first suggest the easy route. Teach him how to do his own laundry. I did it myself when I was 14 (when I started my period) because the thought of my mom seeing it was horrifing to me. I agree with Alyssa comment about wet dreams. We are women so we don't get it, but it is pretty embarrasing.

Also, how many times have we all as wives looked at our husbands underwear...eewwww. I don't think I would suggest to my husband he's got a neurological disorder...YET.

Give it a try.

Yes, W., I would call the Doctor. My nephew just went through that and so did my nephew on my husbands side. Two different reasons why they messed their pants, but I would call the Doctor and get him checked.

Hey W.,

My eight year old step son starting doing the same thing in kindergarten. We took him to the dr. and found out he has intentional encopresis(sp). Definately take your step son to the dr.

With my step son it was intentional which meant he knew what he was doing but couldn't neccessarily control it. A lot of things had happened in his life in a short period of time, his dad and I married, we moved, I had a baby and he started school. A lot for a little boy to take in, especially this little boy. He messes himself very rarely now and when he does we are able to talk about the situation and fix it so it doesn't happen again.

I would also suggest looking encopresis up on the internet. They have some very interesting and helpful articles. It is always a good idea to know what you are up against.

I would be very concerned about your husband's attitude. In fact, his attitude toward his son might be part of the problem, if the problem is emotional. However, it could also very well be a physical problem, as other moms have shared.

It sounds like your son is very embarrassed. Otherwise he would not have thrown the underwear away. I would definitely see a pediatrician or family care doctor as a first step. And I like the suggestion of one of the other moms: let them talk privately.

My 13 yr old gets what he calls swamp butt. It's because at this age they tend to not make great food choices when they are not with me. Too much chocolate/Soda etc. Then they get so involved with what they are doing in the moment that they "forget"to go until it is too late. I would ask him what he's eating at school and I would find out if there is anything (Bully wise) going on, but it's probably that he had mild scuffs and he was too embarrassed for you to wash them.

W., No this is not normal. I would check with a doctor. Also give him a little private time with the doctor. There could be something he is not sharing with Dad or you. You did not say what your relationship with the child is like. If you are close find out if he is ingesting something or maybe there are some bullies at school that are slipping him exlax or something else. There are too many causes besides laziness. If at all possible look at this boy as a boy not his mother's lazy son. He needs something.My prayers go out to you as you love this 13 year old. They can be a real challange but worth every minute of love given them. Hold on tight this too will pass.
God Bless, Vanna

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