23 answers

13 Year Old and Boyfriend??

Hello-

Would you let your 13 year old DD have a boyfriend? I remember liking boys and having boyfriends at that age. But it would be like two weeks and then break up and then you would like someone else. lol Also how do you feel about boys and girls going to the movies in groups etc. TIA!

What can I do next?

Featured Answers

I think 13 is a little young for a steady boyfriend. Group outings to movies are fine.

I'm a little old-fashioned, I'm afraid!

1 mom found this helpful

I would think it's okay, I wouldn't forbid her from having one because then she will feel like she has to hide things from you, then she'll start secretly seeing boys and doing secret things then next thing you know they are pregnant at 15. As long as she is opened to you about it.

At that age it's just puppy love, or just for show it's not really serious, and they are usually very shy with each other at that age, my youngest sister is 13 and the only time she ever sees her "boyfriend of the week" it's always in a big group of friends.

Thats my opinion. Oh and remember to do the "talk" too =)

1 mom found this helpful

More Answers

To answer simply....nope. My husband and I have already discussed this with each other and are starting to discuss it with our 11 year old daughter....she will not be allowed to commit herself to a girlfriend/boyfriend relationship that early regardless of how long/short it is. We can deal with her having boys that are friends but no to the romantic relationships. I am taking my daughter to a mother/daughter conference Nov. 14th on purity and it is definitely after completing this event, that we plan to cement this rule and why. Hopefully she will have a better understanding after she gets all the info from the speakers and then we talk more about it at home (we've already talked some, but we plan on making this the icing on the cake, decision, rule making talk).

Bottom line is, girls and boys are doing things much earlier now than they did a generation ago. Girls are getting pregnant at 13....some 13 year old boys look like 18 year old men with the hormones and sexual drive to go with it. I have to protect my daughter from her own innocence and some pushy "excited" boy.

2 moms found this helpful

Hormones and secrecy begins around this time so be careful. Not allowing mixed groups leads them to secrecy too. Chaparoned groups are best. The chaparone doesn't have to sit in the same row. Chaparoned parties, etc. Get to know the friends parents so you know who to trust. (There are problem drinkers, people who have loaded guns in the house that they think are hidden, unprotected prescriptions that could be abused, etc.) But restricting them from getting together in mixed groups is almost as bad. I've seen them babysit and then invite their guy friends over. If the boys their age won't do that, there is always an older guy that would happily risk that...

Having a boyfriend at school and mixed parties is okay. Having a boyfriend on single dates is riskier. YOu can't keep them from having a boyfriend in spirit. Let them learn about relationships by having good communications so that when they get confused or hurt or pressured, they have had that conversation with you already and know they can talk to you about it.

2 moms found this helpful

Its a normal age to have a boyfriend. If you have an open and honest relationship with your daughter it helps. If there's great communication between ya then you shouldn't worry. You should be her friend but still her mother.

Its not at a age for it to be serious, but you should still talk to her about the birds and the bees. Talk to her about heartache and breakups. We have all been there when we got our heart broken. We know it hurts and we wouldn't want our lil girls to get hurt, but it is part of life.

My lil girl is way too lil for this, but I know that one day I will have to through it too. Just think when you were her age what kind of relationship you would have wanted with your parents. Mine were very strict. I never was allowed to go out alone, I always had to take my lil brother with me. I had a boyfriend when I was 14 almost 15. My parents didn't like the idea but they allowed my then boyfriend go see me at our house, not inside but outside.

My M. told me that she would prefer it this way, because she would rather know where I was at and with who instead of me running off and hide it from them. She did have a good point.

Groups of girls and boys at the movies. It could be ok. Only if you really know her friends and who is really going with them. Friends can be good but also a bad influence. You know your daughter better then anyone. Is she a follower or a leader. Knowing these two things you'll know if she will make good choices.

Kids can always say they are going to one place and head to another. I've seen it happen. Parents drop off their kids at the movies, and they pretend going to the movies and soon as they see their parents leave. They leave too.

2 moms found this helpful

Our daughter will be 15 in December. As far as "letting" her....we don't "forbid" a bf. I don't forbid certains friends (even if I am not fond of them), I let nature take its course and things usually work out just fine.

My daughter is very social, most of the girls who are her friends might have a bf for a month at most. This is NOT a committed deal.... She spends time with a lot of friends, boys as well as girls, going to movies, shopping, Young Life, etc. A lot also depends on the friends she is hanging out with and the similarities....ex: she is an honors student and most of her friends are also honors students, she is active with cheerleading, she is active with the orchestra.

Most weekends, there are anywhere from 8-12 teens (boys and girls) at my house on a given Fri or Sat night. I like the fact that they come here...I know what they are doing. They are not upstairs in bedrooms with doors closed, they are in the game room, or watching movies (SUPERVISED). It shocks me that some parents have no clue where their child is at all.

My daughter has confided in me about certain girls and boys and YES, there are some that have had sex, tried drugs and alcohol. My daughter shared this with me when we were talking about decisions and how these teens made some poor choices. The people she told me about are not at all like daughter...they dont really care about school, they are bored, they have NO parental support or boundaries.

We have very open communication with our daughter and no topic is off limits. She is free to voice her opinion and we will always listen with respect, even if we don't see things her way.

She is becoming a young adult and has to learn responsibility. So far, she is a great child and has made good decisions. We did tell her that 1 careless decision could negatively effect her life forever...Ex: riding in a car with other teens (a HUGE fear of mine), drinking, smoking, drugs, sex, etc.

We try to allow her the freedom to enjoy her teen years while also keeping a close eye on who she is socializing with. I also make a point to meet parents of her friends.

One thing I have noticed which begins in middle school is that there are about 3 "school" within the middle school and high school system. You have the kids who are in regular classes, many of whom (not all) could care less about school or college...of course some do have goals, then you have the honors groups which are kids who have specific goals for college and are working hard for their grades, then you have the program where the gifted/talented and IB students....school is their life and most are already completing some college credit.

We want our daughter to enjoy her teen years but also know that she has boundaries and responsibilites. She has 2 solid parents who support her and she is in a stable home.

Hope that helps some.

2 moms found this helpful

I think 13 is a little young for a steady boyfriend. Group outings to movies are fine.

I'm a little old-fashioned, I'm afraid!

1 mom found this helpful

I would think it's okay, I wouldn't forbid her from having one because then she will feel like she has to hide things from you, then she'll start secretly seeing boys and doing secret things then next thing you know they are pregnant at 15. As long as she is opened to you about it.

At that age it's just puppy love, or just for show it's not really serious, and they are usually very shy with each other at that age, my youngest sister is 13 and the only time she ever sees her "boyfriend of the week" it's always in a big group of friends.

Thats my opinion. Oh and remember to do the "talk" too =)

1 mom found this helpful

I'd love to hear a dad chime in on this one!
I've got a 12, almost 13 year old boy and I can give you his take on it which I find incredibly mature. He has two little girls and ladies 13 is LITTLE, who are interested in him. One cornered him at a party ( adult and kid party and yes I was there) asked him point blank if he "liked" her and he realized this was not good. So as he turned and walked quickly back to the group he said " You know, I'm 12 and I like you and I like a lot of other girls , AS FRIENDS, I'm not old enough to have a girlfriend." Don't get me wrong he was flattered but when we talked about it and he realized if he'd said the wrong thing this girl could easily have turned on him and accused him of any number of things. I told him to NEVER ever be in a situation with a young lady where he was alone as that there were certainly girls who might lie about the situation. Who is going to take the boys side if a girl decides to accuse him of something? Girls also mature a lot faster than boys so boys are often just deer in the headlights at this age.

The bottom line is these are KIDS. They need supervision, constantly. They never need to be alone one on one! They don't need to be encouraged in the "boyfriend/girlfriend game". What is wrong with being friends? The media encourages these young teenagers and parents don't do enough to discourage or offer alternatives.

I've read that hormone surges happen 5-6 times a day in kids this age. They are powder kegs ready to be lit. Don't hand them the matches!

1 mom found this helpful

My dd is a month shy of 15 and while she was interested in boys at 13, she didn't have a "steady" boyfriend until last year. Communication is key at this age, and forbidden fruit is always the sweetest, so by drawing a firm line in the sand you will only be challenging her to try to push the line.

Our system has been group outings. The exception came this summer when ironically my dd and her (extremely trustworthy) bf didn't enjoy group dates because all the other couples were making out and they weren't! When her friends hang out here, they are downstairs with adults. I confirm with other parents that there will be supervision before I allow her to go to other homes. I know all the parents and kids she hangs out with, trust me, knowledge is power with this age group.

I guess we don't feel like using an over restrictive discipline technique unless our child proves she needs those stricter restraints. She has confided with me about some behaviors her friends are practicing that she feels is bad for them, and she isn't perfect herself, that's why we don't allow her upstairs with boys ;)

At 13, kids are all over the map maturity wise, there are some who are way over the top with the dating scene and some that seem years away from holding hands. Keep the communication open with your daughter and set guidelines that apply specifically to HER and avoid the rigid age limits. And good luck!!

1 mom found this helpful

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