45 answers

12 Year Old Wants to Date

hey every body i riase my grandoughter and she is 12 almost 13 and she wants to start dating and i dont know what age is good for her to start dating at i need help to find a good age to start dating at so please feel free to put an in put in i need to know

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So What Happened?™

ok every body i did not let my grand doughter go out on the date but i maid all of you think that i let her go i am smarter than that i did let joerdon come over and they played games and eat dinner and wached a movie.i would go in every so often and nothing was going on thank you all for the help im sorry if if i sounded mad or mean on the first reply but i wanted to see what all you ladies would do im thinking that she is not allowed to date till she is 15 or 16 so thank you all and 1 more thing merrie told me that she wanted to have sex with joerdon.

Featured Answers

My neice's mother made the same bad decision to let her date at age 11. She had a baby at age 12 and now holds the state record for the youngest mother to ever go through a crisis pregnancy center.

Letting her go doen not PROVE you raised her right. Remember that you did not raise that boy and maybe HE wasn't raised right.

If you want to be able to say you raised her right you need to give her some good boundaries.

Hey Dianne
Well, its one thing for a 12 y/o to have a "boyfriend" but a different thing to date. I believe that the appropriate age is 16 to go out on dates, and then go with friends the first couple of times. People don't want to think that their child (or grandchild) is capable of doing certain "adult" activites at this age, but unfortunatley many are so you might want to have "the talk" with her and have her meet with her pastor (if you're religious) as well. I have a 14 y/o family member who is due with a boy in January...

Personally, I was not allowed to go anywhere by myself with a boy until I was 15. Before that a group of us would sometimes meet up at the skating rink or the movie theater. I think group activties are fine. Besides, if they are only 12 or 13 where could they go that parents weren't taking them anyway. Unless the boy is older, then that's a whole different issue!

More Answers

Diane, first let me tell you I undertand your predicament as I, too, help raise one of my Granddaughters. We have a "unique calling." Before getting into your question may I suggest you read what has become my favorite book, "Boundaries with Kids" by Drs. Townsend and Cloud. It will change the way you think and provide insight to help you in MANY siutations.

Regarding the dating situation, I strongly urge you to tell her it's too early. These young years are tender ones. Rather than finding self esteem in what boys think of her, help her grow as a young woman, learn who she is, learn how to have girl and boy friendships. Dating at 12 or 13 only puts her in situations she isn't prepared to deal with. It's time for going to parties and outings with friends. Time for enriching herself and learning about the world not settling down. She has a lifetime to do that! Please consider waiting. Teach her about boys, dating, what she wants to be when she grows up. This is a time for personal molding and helping her grow up to be a smart young woman. Discover her interests and help her find her niche in those things rather than expecting a relationship to fulfill her.

There is PLENTY of time for dating, help her find herself now and enjoy the time you have with her. She'll be gone so quickly... L.

2 moms found this helpful

I'm not letting my daughter date until she's 30, 25 if she's really good.

1 mom found this helpful

The age DEFINITELY is not 12 years old ! ! ! ! ! I've raised two girls. Now ages 22 and 18. At 12, she is beginning to feel as though she wants to do a lot of things, but in reality, she is NOT ready for it. This is the typical pre-teen state. You are going to have to stand strong on this. Start by allowing her to talk on the phone a couple of times a week to a boy (with a time limit for the length she can talk as well as her cut off time at night). You may want to consider allowing a young boy to come to your home and visit with her (adults at home of course) for a couple of hours when she starts 9th grade. When she's in the 10th grade, then consider letting her go to the movies (not alone in a car with a boy) in a group setting. By the time she's in the 11th grade (16 years old) you may consider allowing her to car date with limits.

This may be old fashioned today, but in my experience (my mom and dad raised 5 girls....1 son), it works. We had no baby mama drama, drug issues, running wild, etc. My husband and used similar parenting skills along with more open communication with our girls and it has worked out BEAUTIFULLY ! !

Trust me, she's saying she wants to date. Next week, she'll want to drive even though she does not have a permit. You've got to be the parent and set limits and discuss with her when things are age appropriate. Talk with your grandchild....don't just allow her to say she's ready to do something at this very young and confusing age and you give in to it. SHE IS WAY TO YOUNG ! ! ! ! ! !

1 mom found this helpful

dear dianne-
i read your 'so what happened' - you sound angry! angry at the ladies that gave you the opinions you asked for!! what's that about? if you don't want opinions, don't ask for it... jmho

second, you say your daughter isnt' thinking about sex... but you do NOT know what the nice young man is thinking. check any book on adolescent boys and you'll see that that is exactly what thye are thinking... watch what they are watching on television and how can a boy/young man think other than that? 'gossip girl', 'desperate housewives', the CW channel, UPN, and even the regular ones. we're going to have to get cable to get away from the smut on regular television.

anyway, i pray for your granddaughter -that she actually picks nice boys, because otherwise, she's likely to end up exactly where you think she's never going to go.

my opinion...

1 mom found this helpful

Hi, Im not sure what your beliefs are. But there is a really awesome book written for young adults by Joshua Harris called I kissed Dating Goodbye. its not what it sounds like. Its a christian book written by a young man b4 he met his wife about how guys think really, what girls think and about the whole dating issues and why he decided to not get sucked into mainstream dating that our society makes our little kids think they need. I say check it out and read it if you like it pass it to your grand child boys and girls. If thats not for you, you need to have a serious talk with her about whatguys are really after and yes 13 yr old boys are not looking for love and all the stuff that little girls are looking for she needs to be aware of that. Youd be really suprised what goes on in Jr high, its not usually the innocent dating that we used to think of. Im not saying your grandchild would be permiscuous but the pressure is deff there and I think 12 is just too young, why can't we let our kids be kids anymore she has the rest of her life to worry about men right now she should focus on school and some good girlfriends and things like sports or art and music.

1 mom found this helpful

no no and no.
she is too young.
way too young to face the pressure....
send her out in big groups!

1 mom found this helpful

Well, that is the age girls notice boys. I notice most of the time going out to the movies, skating, etc girls usually go in groups same for the boys but sometimes there's a few boys that go with a group of girls. I think that 12 alone with a boy is a bit too young. I know there's some great books out there that you and her can read about dating that's something for her to look forward to doing in the near future. I don't have girls and am not facing this situation yet however my sister has faced this and she lets girls go in groups only and she didn't allow dating alone until age 16. even then she always suggested double dating so not to be alone. Back in our day thats what our parents allowed also it still seems to be that way with many parents today.My best wishes to you in this new adventure.

I think going out in mixed gender groups at this age is fine -to movies, the mall, bowling, whatever as long as it's appropriate activity. I would NOT let her go out with a boy on their own or a boy older than 13 -14 TOPS! No driving dates!

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