21 answers

12 Year Old Daughter with Boyfriend...

My daughter is 12 years old, she is a great kid. She gets good grades (Honor roll her whole life), dances most of the week, and has many friends. She's going into 7th grade this year! She has been in a relationship with the same boy for 3 months now and she thinks that shes 'in love' with him. I don't find it a problem or anything, Its just that she's spend a lot of time with him lately. He is a great kid too, he gets good grades, and is also very athletic. She seems to be very happy, and of course like any parent I like to see her smile. She has been to his house twice in the past week, and he's never been over. I know his parents and they always say that she is a great kid! I trust her, and I also trust him. She wants to have a "couple" party this Friday, It would be during the day. I will be supervising and won't let anything bad happen. Sex isn't something even in her mind at this point, as parents, do you think that this could be a good idea?

What can I do next?

So What Happened?™

So far, in the past hour of seeing the feedback I talked to her, I said that I would be fine with a party, but I'm not cool with a "couple" party. She said that she's fine with that. It's the summer time and I get that she wants to hang out with friends, but I don't want her to be all boy crazy. Being the mom of a preteen is rough, a girl especially! I told her there will be rule (no kissing, no touching, ect.) She said that she didn't mean for it to sound like a "couple" thing. She just wanted to have friends over with their boyfriends. I am fine with him having her arm around her because I remember being her age. Like I said before, I trust them. I will continue to talk about sex and she isn't as open with me as we were.. but then again she is growing up. I will continue to let her know my door is open if she needs anything. Please keep writing feedback so I can continue talking about this.. Thanks for everything so far!

Featured Answers

No, I really don't think it is a good idea. But I also don't think it is a good idea to let a 12 year old date. She's just too young for that. Her time will come. :)

5 moms found this helpful

I love to see my daughter happy as well but if she wanted to be "in love" and in a "relationship" with a boy in sixth grade (elementary school!!) and have a couples party, I would have shot that one down in a heart beat. I wouldn't have let my twelve year old go over to a boy's house either. She's 12 and needs to have something to look forward to a long ways down the road. I think at this age it should be more about group get togethers to the movies or the mall. She sounds like a lovely young girl but did you know that 12 years old is the average age in which a child becomes sexually active now??

**added after SWH - She just finished SIXTH grade! Permit the arm around each other and what comes next?? Just because she is a good kid doesn't mean you should trust them....completely niave! Kids are starting way earlier now and without boundaries set by parents that is permitting it or the ostrich syndrome (head in the sand). I wouldn't care one bit if she is uncomfortable talking about sex, I would sit her down often and talk about pregnancy, sexually transmitted infections and plain old boys leaving when they get what they want. I wouldn't wait for her to come to you. My daughter just graduated high school and you can spot the early birds a mile away.

4 moms found this helpful

More Answers

No, I really don't think it is a good idea. But I also don't think it is a good idea to let a 12 year old date. She's just too young for that. Her time will come. :)

5 moms found this helpful

Holy cow, I can still remember being 12 and although I didn't really understand what it was called at the time, sex was very much on my mind. And I remember a much older man of 14 pinning me to a bed in his apartment while his mom was away. Haha. Anyway, I also work at a middle school and yikes, there's a lot of hormones charging at that age. If you decide to do the party I suggest you are hovering constantly. Maybe your daughter and her boyfriend are totally trustworthy, but there's a lot of other kids on earth who are pushing the edge with their hormones. Good luck!

4 moms found this helpful

I have two daughters -- 23 and almost 14. Sex IS on your daughter's mind. You need to face that. A "couples" party at this young age is simply fueling the fire. What about those kids who haven't coupled up? It's silly to encourage coupling off at this age so I would strongly advise you against it. Nothing wrong with just a party, but a couples party? Nope.

I wouldn't let her go to the boyfriend's house either. And I would sit her down and have a very frank and open conversation about sex -- if you haven't already.

4 moms found this helpful

I love to see my daughter happy as well but if she wanted to be "in love" and in a "relationship" with a boy in sixth grade (elementary school!!) and have a couples party, I would have shot that one down in a heart beat. I wouldn't have let my twelve year old go over to a boy's house either. She's 12 and needs to have something to look forward to a long ways down the road. I think at this age it should be more about group get togethers to the movies or the mall. She sounds like a lovely young girl but did you know that 12 years old is the average age in which a child becomes sexually active now??

**added after SWH - She just finished SIXTH grade! Permit the arm around each other and what comes next?? Just because she is a good kid doesn't mean you should trust them....completely niave! Kids are starting way earlier now and without boundaries set by parents that is permitting it or the ostrich syndrome (head in the sand). I wouldn't care one bit if she is uncomfortable talking about sex, I would sit her down often and talk about pregnancy, sexually transmitted infections and plain old boys leaving when they get what they want. I wouldn't wait for her to come to you. My daughter just graduated high school and you can spot the early birds a mile away.

4 moms found this helpful

Personally I think you are setting your daughter up for big time failure.

WHY WHY WHY do parents believe this is acceptable. Maybe she is not thinking about having sex with him or vice versa but sexual feelings ARE on their minds. It has absolutely nothing to do with good girl, good grades, honor role, dance, many friends.

At any age a relationship grows then leads to sex or other adult things. In other words if she dates him from 12-14 do you think the dynamics of the relationship will stay the same? No they will start to explore & become more comfortable with doing *more* things. And at this age once a girl starts dating they don't stop, she will have another boyfriend right a way after each boyfriend, which then leads to other problems for your DD.

I actually cannot believe you allow her to go to his home & he hasn't been to yours, that is dangerous, way to much freedom.

My, now 21 daughter, was not allowed to have a boyfriend till 16 & there were strict rules about where, when & how long she was allowed to hang out with him. Back then my DD didn't appreciate my strictness but today she says she understands & agrees about how dating too young can lead to *dangerous* things.

Not to long ago there was a post on here about a mother who was very involved in her daughters love life. The daughter had major emotional issues over this boy because they were so involved that when they broke up it tore her world apart. I beleive the whole family had to seek counseling help for quite some time. If someone finds this I think it would help you to understand what you could be potentially allowing happen to your daughter.

4 moms found this helpful

I think a 'couples' party this early in the game would perhaps give too much validation or import to the concept of 'being a couple'. At this age, it's really not appropriate. Plus, it would also leave a lot of her friends out. Perhaps she's so enamored with the idea that she's not really thinking about how this would affect her usual community of peers.

What would be preferable would be to have a summertime picnic party. The girls can dress up and plan a potluck type menu. Get out the croquet set and some other games, and let she and her closest friends invite people they know and like. Boys and girls. Then, chaperone the heck out of it. Get the boyfriend's parents and some other parents to help.

You could also just have a nice conversation with the boyfriend's parents, too. I'd want to know what kind of supervision the kids have at their house and where the kids are allowed to be (and, where they aren't). But couples party? No way.

3 moms found this helpful

Here's maybe an eye opener for you... My son is almost 13 (going into 8th grade in September). LAST year, a 12 yr old friend of his had (still has, as far as I know) a girlfriend (also a supposedly upstanding young lady). My son shared that his friend had received a text message from this young lady... a picture: she was standing on the side of her bathtub at home wearing a Tshirt and underwear and that's it.

Sex is on her mind, and his too, I'm sure. I would not encourage your daughter to "commit" to having A boyfriend, nor would I encourage her to include only "couples" in any social event she wants to host. Teenagers are much too exclusionary anyway. She could invite boys and girls without making it a "couples" party. And I would highly suggest you do it that way if you allow her to have a party. And chaperone, chaperone, chaperone. Enlist the help of a couple of other moms as well.

3 moms found this helpful

No, too young. It is really unusual for a 12 year to have a BF/GF for 3 months and to seem that serious. I can't imagine there are enough other 'couples' to make a party. And if so, you have a very forward 7th grade class that I would be a little worried about.... However, a daytime party (even early evening before night falls) for a few friends wouldn't be a bad idea but definitely not a nighttime party.

3 moms found this helpful

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