12 M Old Won't Sleep on Her Own

my youngest daughter did the same thing it was hard and she didn't fall asleep after 15 min either i could not bear to here her crying nor do i think it's healthy to cry a long time find something she can play with or take her mind off things she might be scared of the dark play the radio with a cd or give her a flashlight. it did take some time but once we got a routine down it worked I hope this helps.

Hi,
I just wanted to respond because we did this when our daughter was 11-12 months old. It was horrible and hard, but you know what? Crying it out really really worked. I bought both Dr. Ferber's book and a friend lent me Dr. Weissbluth's book "Happy Sleep Habits, Healthy Child". Now our daughter goes to sleep on her own and most nights sleeps through the night. It helped us all, including me! I highly recommend biting the bullet, accepting that it is going to suck for a week or so, and doing it. It teaches your child to learn to sleep by themselves. But I am warning you, the one week of "sleep training" is horrible.
Good luck on whatever you do!

Just so you are aware, some kids won't cry it out and fall asleep on their own. My oldest daughter would cry for hours and not fall asleep. I would check on her but the crying would just escalate. For about a week or two--when she was about a year old, I would have to "talk" her to sleep calming her down and patting her back. It took about 45 minutes but gradually she calmed down and would go to sleep on her own.

I do believe in crying it out and it has worked on my other 2 daughters. Good luck.

Sometimes they cry a long time at first. Though the books and such say they usually stop after 15 minutes it doesn't always work when they think that you will come get them if they keep crying. Every time you go in to check on her the longer it will take. You may want to get a baby monitor and when you put her down go to a room on the other side of your house or even outside. Make her as comfortable as you can before you leave her. Try to make a routine around going to bed. Do certain things, like a bath or rub her with lavender lotion, put her in night clothes read her a story, lay her down, give her a kiss and leave. She may cry and she may cry a while but you have to try to resist going in. Have the baby monitor with you and if she goes quiet turn it on and listen for a moment. If she starts crying again then turn it off and wait longer. The first night is the longest. As she starts realizing that this is just the way it will be she cry for less and less time. Usually the time will shorten each night as you just don't go and pick her up. I know its hard but sometimes its the only thing you can seem to do. Remember kids are able to bounce back very easily. She might be very upset at that time but the next morning she will still love you and its not going to destroy the rest of her life.

Yes, this is a hard, hard task. I first started when my son was about 2months. And what I first did was keep him up as much as I could during the day. Then I put him on a schedule, meaning I would feed him every 4 hours a bottle. I didn't believe in every 3-4 hours because that one hour made a difference to me. Then I made sure that his last feeding corresponded with him going to sleep at night so he wouldn't wake up. And then I made sure that he would sleep in the same place and same way everytime. And finally when he was just over 5 months I started to notice that he would go to bed exactly at 8pm on his own and he wouldn't wake up till the next morning around 6 or 7am. He is now 15 months and he is exactly the same way. When he starts getting fusy and won't stop crying I just put him in his bed and he falls right to sleep. This could be during the day or night. So this is my suggestion. I know she is older. But I believe this works. But you have to keep on it and not change it at all. Once you figure out the schedule keep it. And do not let her sleep with you. And you can't sleep with her either. You can keep checking on her. It took me three months and those three months are worth it. It will get frustrating but the end result is amazing. I do not exagerate when I say all I do is put him in his bed and he falls right to sleep. Good Luck!!
Gwen

No one should ever advise you to do anything that doesn't feel right to you as a mom. There are many approaches to sleep issues out there. You should find one that feels right to you and your family.
Have you checked out the No-Cry Sleep Solution by Elizabeth Pantley? It is a gentler approach to putting your baby on a nighttime sleep routine.
You might also look at the Baby Book, by William Sears. It encourages breastfeeding on-demand for the early months, but it does talk some about strategies for getting the baby on a nighttime routine.
Also, maybe try the Baby Whisperer by Tracy Hogg.
The only advice I have is to make sure and put your baby to sleep at the first sign of tiredness, and try to nurse as much as possible in the hours leading up to bedtime so she has a full belly.
Good luck!

Sorry A.....I know this is so hard! My son had this problem too. But YES she has to cry it out! How ever long it takes. It sucks! My son the 1st night cried for 3 hours :( the 2nd night was only an hour and the 3rd night he was asleep within mintues. It was hard but so worth it now. GOOD LUCK

I am having the same problem with my 10 month old. It was much easier to continue breastfeeding with him co-sleeping with us. Especially since my son doesn't sleep through the night yet. I've tried putting him down a couple times for a nap in his crib and he lays there and cries until he throws up. There is no way that I can continue to let him do that. If he's laying there longer than 15 mins, I'll just pick him up and put him to sleep. At night I try to feed him before we get into bed and then let him roll around on the bed until he falls asleep, that way one day he'll at least be used to going to bed without having the boob. I'm probably going to wean him off of breastfeeding first, and then try to switch him to his crib. Especially when he has more of an understanding that he's a bigger boy. I hope you find a way that works for you. Just remember that the books aren't always right for everybody and to go with the feeling that's right for you.

Hi! A.:
Oh, how hard I know it is!! My son is 10-1/2 months old and has slept through the night about a handful of times but has never put himself to sleep. I always get him to sleep first then put him in his crib. I'm guilty of the co-sleeping thing also! It's just so hard in the middle of the night when they don't want to go back to sleep. I need some sleep, too!
I can't handle letting him "cry it out" plus I just don't believe it's good for them. Maybe try putting something of yours in her crib like a little blanket or pillow. I know we're not suppose to put pillows in their crib but we are talking about desperation here!
Good luck to you!

Hi,

I'm a mom of an 11 month old baby girl who is now sleeping in her own crib and mostly sleeping all night long. I had the same issue with her not wanting to fall asleep on her own, so what I did was I left the hall way light on and cracked open her door slightly so that it wasn't pitch black in her room. I don't care what doctors say about babies being too young to fear the dark. That worked miracles for me. Also, when that wasn't doing the whole trick, I'd sit by the side of her crib, not close enough for her to touch me or anything, but so that she'd know I was there. I didnt look at her or talk to her but it did comfort her and I was able to sneak out of her room after she layed down. So far this has worked for me for over 5 months. Good luck!

Wow, well it looks like you have had a lot of reading to do. I thought I would add my 2 cents though since I also have a 12 month old daughter. I agree that you should try to do one thing at a time. About a month before I actually weened my daughter I stopped the night feedings by simply giving her a pacifier and rocking her back to sleep. Eventually, I was able to just put it back in her mouth and lay her back down in her bed. She is now sleeping 10-11 hours a night!!
As for the weening, what worked for me was to cut out one feeding for a couple of days then another until she was down to one (night feeding before bed). This method really helped with having little engourment as well. Instead of breastfeeding her after meals I would give her a little snack and her sippy cup and play. The only habit we have left now is we do give her a sippy cup before bed with warm milk, but then we just give her the pacifier and put her straight to bed.
I never could let her "cry-it-out" so what I did to transition her was when I put her down for her naps I let her go until she started crying then I would go in put her pacifier back in and lay her back down and leave again. Of course, this is probably the long process but it's what worked for me. Then I just started using that for the evenings as well.
Good luck and whatever method you decide to use be sure it's what works for you and your daughter best.

After going through this with my oldest son and all the battles we have had I am a big supporter of waiting until the child is ready. Also I would suggest that you keep breastfeeding her until she is in her own bed or keep her in your bed until she is weened. Taking 2 things that make her feel safe and secure away at the same time is hard on a kid and makes it that much harder on mom too. I took both away from my son at the same time and he developed strange nervous habbits and he is 3 and still does it. Take it one step at a time. I sat next to my son's crib holding his hand until he fell asleep the next night I sat there with no touching, then the middle of the room then by the door then I left the room and he cryed but for only 5 minutes. He slept for 8 hours after that then I would nurse him and put him back in bed. And he would sleep another 4 hours. Hope this helps.

First of all, I am not someone who believes in letting an infant cry-it-out. However, when my son was about this age going to sleep became a "game". It would take him 45-60 minutes of rolling around before he'd fall asleep. I just didn't have an hour every night to lay with him. I made the decision to lock him in a room (in your case a crib) and let him cry. My son would get out of bed and bang on the door for as long as 3 hours. It was horrible for me, but within 3 days he would just lay down in front of the door and fall asleep on his own (I never owned a crib). Within 2 weeks he was falling asleep on his own in his bed (instead of on the floor in front of the door). It really just takes about 3 days of really tough bedtimes to break this habit. It sucks, but it's so worth it to have a child that will fall asleep on their own. :)

When my daughter was 12 months we did the leting her cry it out thing and well I am so glad we did it. She sleeps so much better than my boys did. Here is how we did it:
Ever night I would feed her something usually yogurt just before bed time breast feed until she was about to fall asleep and then:
night 1 & 2: put her to bed let her cry for 5 mins then go in and comfort her w/o getting her out of the crib then repeat after 2or 3 times we went to 10 mins 2 or 3 times then to 15 mins eventually she fell asleep.
night 3 & 4: we started at 10 mins the first 2-3 times then to 15.
night 4 and on: we started at 15 and she fell asleep within 20 mins

we did have a few nights once in a while where she would regress but we stuck to the 15 min routine and she is now 2 and goes to bed evey night on her own some times she even says mommy I tired take me to bed! She does play for awhile most of the time but she dont cry anymore. I dont suggest this but she started asking for a sippy of water after crying so hard so we gave it to her in bed and now she wont go to sleep without it. So if your little one needs a drink of water give her a drink and take it out with you unless you are ok letting her sleep with one later on. My older kids did not star going to bed on their own this good until they where 5 and going to school.
I wish you the best of luck! And hang in there it may take a few weeks but it is sooooo worth it!!
A.

hi my name is S. and i'm the mom of a 6 1/2 month old. i found that if i put my daughter in the crib and she starts crying i just lean over the crib and kinda hold her she faals asleep within a couple of minutes but to start remember to let her get good and tired, then you are there for her but she might go to sleep a little easier for you.. good luck

S.

I feel it would be best for those who breast feed past the 12 month and have the desire to stop, do it immediately. The longer you wait, the stronger the attachment becomes. The last thing you want is for this to carry over into the terrible twos...which it can very easily if you don't cut it out now. Do not go to the bottle, use sippy cups. If your child rejects it, be strong and don't give in to the crying for the breast feeding. I know it's so hard, but if you stop now, it is the worst it will ever get and eventually, your child will forget all about it. Wait too long, it will be that much more difficult to forget, especially when language begins to develop. Memory develops with language development. Once the breastfeeding is over with, the attachment issues with sleeping should subside as well. It will take some time and patience and strenght on your part, but trust me, 12 months is the perfect age for you to start to lay down the rules. If you don't now, what will two and three and four and so on be like? The sleep issue is most certainly tied in with the breast feeding. Comfort your child as best you can without giving into the cries for the breast milk. The crying won't be forever.

R.
Teacher, ages 2-3

Hi A.,
My daughter is now four years, and ever since she was about 11 months old we have been trying to get her to go to sleep on her own , ans sleep in her bed through the night. nothing has worked yet. We have accully "let" her cry for up to 2hrs before. We weaned her from her from all bottles arout 14 months, and she isn't allowed to have anything to drink after about 7:00 pm as she is potty trained. However everynight I read her bedtime story, then daddy comes in and says goodnight, then I have to lay with her until she goes to sleep. Somethimes this takes 5 min, and sometimes it can take over an hour. Then anywhere between 1:00 am and 4:00 am she will call out for me or come into our bed. Some of the time I can go into her romm and sooth her for a min them I can go back to my own be, but alot of the times I have to lay with her agian, and I end up sleeping in her bed for the rest of the night. Latley she had figured out how to get into my bed without waking us up. I wake up in the morning and there she is. She is old enough that we have tried talking to her about this and even rewarding her for sleeping in her own bed all night with out calling us or coming into our room. Sometimes this works, however nothing seems to work for getting her to go to sleep on her own. Good luck!

I don't believe in letting them cry it out either. Many told me to let my son cry it out too, I tried several times and the longest I ever let him cry (with checking on him too) was 3 hours. And he never let up once during all that time! You know it is true that all children are different and letting them cry it out does not work for all children. Sorry that's my peeve, I'm so tired of people telling everyone to let them cry it out on their own as if every child is the same.

As for weaning off of breastfeeding, here is what worked best for me. I simply refused to feed him at night - he liked to nurse back to sleep so this really upset him. He cried and cried. But I stayed with him all night, cuddling and comforting, sleeping next to him when he did finally doze off. Those were some really long nights, but I think it only took 2-3 nights and it paid off because now he doesn't expect to be fed at night at all.

As for co-sleeping: my son starts out in his crib most nights and ends up in ours around 2 am. Sometimes he sleeps through the night in his crib though. But she's been sleeping with you since birth, it might be hard for her get used to sleeping alone. But you can do it if you are consistent. Does she have a lovey? I'm told that helps. Also, we got my son a white noise machine and that seems to be helping us too.

Hope this is helpful to you.

HI, Wean her first. When that is completly successful. Then start the sleep thing. Good luck!

Hello, my daughter was the same way when she was a year, she would honestly cry for hours with me checking on her to make sure she was okay. I know this sounds crazy, but I finally decided to put her in a toddler bed. She would get up and I would put her back in bed and tell her to stay there and stuff like that but she wouldn't cry and she figured out how to go to sleep by herself. I think she just didn't like the caged in feeling of the crib. Just a suggestion, and I hope you get it figured out.
A.

I weaned my son at 12 months. Everything went smooth and within the month he was sleeping all night in his crib.

My daughter was a different story though. She did not finally sleep in her own bed all night until she was 22 months. I did what you are doing. I tried everything that everyone suggested and she would scream and cry for hours to the point where she would throw up. So eventually I figured that when she was ready she would sleep in her own room. I got her a little fold out couch from Target and we would set up a little bed for her at the foot of our bed. She slept there for months and eventually she worked her way to her room and onto her toddler bed.

Just be patient...you will find something that works for your family even if it isn't what you originally planned.

Hi, I didn't breast feed as long as you have but I do have a few suggestions. I have a 7 week old daughter and a 2 year old boy. With my son after 2 months of breastfeeding only I decided to alternate with bottles. That helped with feeding him at night. To get him to sleep on his own I started putting a bit of cereal in his food and it worked great. I don't blame you for not wanting to leave your daughter in there to cry. I wouldn't be able to either.If you aren't giving her anything other than breast milk that may be the reason she doesn't sleep well. They have to have a full tummy to sleep. At least that's my opinion. It worked for me. I still breast feed but started feeding him cereal and at 5 months regualar baby food. It worked really well for me. Giving your child baby food wont hurt with the breast feeding, at least I don't think it will. Good luck to you!

youre trying to do too much at once... you should try weening her off of the breast first and then once you have accomplished that, start getting her used to sleeping in the crib (or vice versa)... too many new things at once can be very overwhelming to a child as well as to mom... i have three daughters of my own (6,9,13, y/o) and they all slept with me for the first few yrs of their lives because dad worked nights, but thats what worked for me and you should do what works for you...

Hello A.

I wanted to do the same or shall i say thought by doing the same let the babies cry it out due to this is what others say will work. Some may laugh but I did pick up on conversation topic on Dr. Phil show regarding this and you may want to go on his web site and plug this in on the search. By letting babies cry all that is doing (well you stated)is wearing your mind and heart and doctors stated it is doing the same for the babies their little heart pressure goes up and will continue to stay that way. I believe going in and talking and comforting them. Please go on the web site and you will get advise that way.. hope this helps

You might want to try doing one thing at a time. It sounds like you are doing a "double whammy" on her. Breastfeeding her to sleep and then putting her in her own bed was helpful to me. Good
Luck.

Dr. Sears was on the Dr Phil show a few weeks ago. They were talking about this very issue. Dr Sears was saying you should not do both transitions at once. It is too traumatic for the baby. Choose which you would rather have. Wean the sleep or breastfeeding first and once that is over then go to the other. You may want to try her crib in your room so she still sees you but is not in the same bed with you. OF course all of this is easier said then done. This is definitely be a challenge so get ready for some hard work.

Good Luck
S.

A.,

My hubby and I went through something similar. At 12 m we tried to start putting our daughter down in her own crib. She would not sleep and cried like crazy. I took down her railing and now she has a toddler bed which works better and it was much easier to get her to sleep as long as we were there with her. She never slept through the night and still got up screaming. During Christmas I recieved a glider and since then we have decided to add rocking (which is so sweet to spend quality, quiet time with her) and music to our routine. We sit in the rocker she drinks warm milk while I read her a story. She went down even easier, but still gets up in the middle of the night. This past week we have added a nightlight. LIFE SAVER!!! Now, she still gets up (@ 21m old) in the middle of the night, but no crying, she comes into our room to let my husband and I know that she is awake. One of us takes her back to her room, puts her back in bed and she is out again in a few minutes. Now we are just working on getting her to sleep through the night. It has been a very long process for us, but years from now I know that I will look back and wish that I had this time again. Hang in there, keep trying different things and I hope that something in this email helps you out.

I was watcing supernanny and this technique, although as it is described here, seems to be for a slightly older child, I saw her do it with a crib sleeping child. It stops the crying but takes commitment but it worked, and it is less tramatic for the child and you, hope this helps....

Sleep Seperation Technique

It seems harmless enough, lying down with your child while he goes to sleep, but it could be that sleeping by himself at night is one of his biggest steps towards independence.

Also, getting time to yourself in the evening means you’ll be on top form when it all starts again tomorrow! An unbroken night’s sleep is crucial to your child’s development and staying tucked up in bed all night could make a clingy child less dependent in the daytime, too.

Steps to get a good night’s sleep

Follow a calming bedtime routine.

Once you’ve put the little one to bed, don’t sit or lie down beside them. Sit on the floor instead, keeping your head down so they can see your profile but not your eyes, turn the light off and say “now it’s time to be quiet and go to sleep”.

If your child carries on chatting to you, insist that “it’s sleep time now” in a gentle but firm voice and don’t get drawn into a discussion.

If they get out of bed, put them back with a kiss and a cuddle the first time, just a kiss the second time, then with minimal physical contact after that. This part can be really hard, especially as the nights go on, but consistency and a kind tone will help your child feel secure in their bed without the anxiety of being left alone.

Little by little, move further away from the bed each night.

Eventually, you’ll be sitting with the door open, and finally you can say goodnight and go downstairs.

This technique will help your child get used to sleeping alone in a bed. It will also make it easier for you to gain a period of blissful independence each evening before you, too, head for dreamland.