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12 M Old Won't Sleep on Her Own

I'm trying to wean my 12 month old off beastfeeding and co-sleeping. I want her to be able to fall asleep on her own and sleep the whole night in her crib.

I know everyone says to let her cry it out, but books and other people say she should stop crying and fall asleep on her own after 15 min.

She has never stopped crying. The longest I have been able to bear to let her go is 60 min. (of course I check to make sure she is ok, and she calms down once I'm there). Is it really this hard? Do I need to let her cry that long, or even longer?

This is really wearing on my mind and my heart. Help please!

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hi my name is S. and i'm the mom of a 6 1/2 month old. i found that if i put my daughter in the crib and she starts crying i just lean over the crib and kinda hold her she faals asleep within a couple of minutes but to start remember to let her get good and tired, then you are there for her but she might go to sleep a little easier for you.. good luck

S.

I am having the same problem with my 10 month old. It was much easier to continue breastfeeding with him co-sleeping with us. Especially since my son doesn't sleep through the night yet. I've tried putting him down a couple times for a nap in his crib and he lays there and cries until he throws up. There is no way that I can continue to let him do that. If he's laying there longer than 15 mins, I'll just pick him up and put him to sleep. At night I try to feed him before we get into bed and then let him roll around on the bed until he falls asleep, that way one day he'll at least be used to going to bed without having the boob. I'm probably going to wean him off of breastfeeding first, and then try to switch him to his crib. Especially when he has more of an understanding that he's a bigger boy. I hope you find a way that works for you. Just remember that the books aren't always right for everybody and to go with the feeling that's right for you.

Hi,

I'm a mom of an 11 month old baby girl who is now sleeping in her own crib and mostly sleeping all night long. I had the same issue with her not wanting to fall asleep on her own, so what I did was I left the hall way light on and cracked open her door slightly so that it wasn't pitch black in her room. I don't care what doctors say about babies being too young to fear the dark. That worked miracles for me. Also, when that wasn't doing the whole trick, I'd sit by the side of her crib, not close enough for her to touch me or anything, but so that she'd know I was there. I didnt look at her or talk to her but it did comfort her and I was able to sneak out of her room after she layed down. So far this has worked for me for over 5 months. Good luck!

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My little girl was the same way. My suggestion. Make a bottle or two and walk out the door and leave her with daddy. Go have yourself a manicure pedicure or spend some much needed time out with friends. By the time you get back she should be sleeping peacefully. It sounds tough i know but you have to be gone or else she will want you to feed her yourself.

my youngest daughter did the same thing it was hard and she didn't fall asleep after 15 min either i could not bear to here her crying nor do i think it's healthy to cry a long time find something she can play with or take her mind off things she might be scared of the dark play the radio with a cd or give her a flashlight. it did take some time but once we got a routine down it worked I hope this helps.

YOU NEED TO LET HER CRY UNTIL SHE FALLS ASLEEP. THE AMOUT OF TIME SHE CRIES WILL SHORTEN AS THE DAYS OR WEEKS GO BY. ALSO IF YOU LET HER SLEEP WITH YOU MAYBE TRY PUTTING HER IN HER BED AFTER SHE FALLS ASLEEP SO SHE WAKES UP IN HER OWN BED. LOTS OF LUCK IT WILL ALL WORK OUT WITH TIME.

Hi,
I just wanted to respond because we did this when our daughter was 11-12 months old. It was horrible and hard, but you know what? Crying it out really really worked. I bought both Dr. Ferber's book and a friend lent me Dr. Weissbluth's book "Happy Sleep Habits, Healthy Child". Now our daughter goes to sleep on her own and most nights sleeps through the night. It helped us all, including me! I highly recommend biting the bullet, accepting that it is going to suck for a week or so, and doing it. It teaches your child to learn to sleep by themselves. But I am warning you, the one week of "sleep training" is horrible.
Good luck on whatever you do!

Just so you are aware, some kids won't cry it out and fall asleep on their own. My oldest daughter would cry for hours and not fall asleep. I would check on her but the crying would just escalate. For about a week or two--when she was about a year old, I would have to "talk" her to sleep calming her down and patting her back. It took about 45 minutes but gradually she calmed down and would go to sleep on her own.

I do believe in crying it out and it has worked on my other 2 daughters. Good luck.

Hi A.,

I had the same problem with my son, he's now 2. Actually, I am still having the same problem. When he turned 1 year old, we moved into a bigger place so he could have his own room and I hoped that he would feel like a big boy and want to sleep in there on his own. But he didn't and since I work full time during the day, it was always so much easier to just nurse him to sleep laying down. He's a very light sleeper so if I move away too soon or try to put him down in his own bed he screams to no end, like your daughter......
Since he was an infant, I tried the "cry it out" routine, but it never ended.....he would scream and vomit all over himself from crying so hard, then I'd have to clean it up which would upset him more, being cold and smelly and wet...plus he wears cloth diapers, and they pretty much need to be changed soon after he's wet or else it could cause skin problems (if it's on for a extended period of time). Then the only way to calm him down so he could stop vomiting would be to hold him and eventually nurse him, no one likes to see their baby make themselves sick like that!
My mom saw a doctor speak on Dr. Phil recently, and the doctor stated that it is not advised to let your baby "cry it out" because that can cut off the oxygen flow to the brain, causing brain cells to die off....probably not enough to make a development delay in the child's learning, but if I can keep some of those brain cells alive by holding him I'll do it!
Well my son just turned 2 Feb 1st, and I am now 6 weeks pregnant. He only nurses at night but I'm finding that I'm more and more exhausted so I have to find some way to wean him within the next couple of months. LLL suggested a book "How weaning happens" but I haven't checked it out yet...I can't seem to find time to read more than a short kids book! lol Also, some of the ladies I've talked with say that their kids still sleep with them in their beds, and the younger ones still do nurse at night (up to 3 years old, usually). I don't want to go that long, but it is reassuring to hear that other parents are doing the same thing.
Have you heard of "attachment parenting"? After I checked out their page and read some of the articles, I felt a lot better about our situation, there's so many other mothers going through the same thing with their kids....and they say it's okay, and they're all for finding more peaceful ways to respond to your child's needs and emotions; you may want to check it out too....their addy is:
www.attachmentparenting.org/acogpr.shtml

Some people recommend sitting or lying in the same position you would if you were nursing, and offering something in it's place like a sippy cup with water or milk...or a snack...or just reading a book until they fall off to sleep. So far none of these have worked for me, just because I'm too tired to really try but it's worth a shot if you're consistent with it.
I hope some of this has helped, good luck!

Sometimes they cry a long time at first. Though the books and such say they usually stop after 15 minutes it doesn't always work when they think that you will come get them if they keep crying. Every time you go in to check on her the longer it will take. You may want to get a baby monitor and when you put her down go to a room on the other side of your house or even outside. Make her as comfortable as you can before you leave her. Try to make a routine around going to bed. Do certain things, like a bath or rub her with lavender lotion, put her in night clothes read her a story, lay her down, give her a kiss and leave. She may cry and she may cry a while but you have to try to resist going in. Have the baby monitor with you and if she goes quiet turn it on and listen for a moment. If she starts crying again then turn it off and wait longer. The first night is the longest. As she starts realizing that this is just the way it will be she cry for less and less time. Usually the time will shorten each night as you just don't go and pick her up. I know its hard but sometimes its the only thing you can seem to do. Remember kids are able to bounce back very easily. She might be very upset at that time but the next morning she will still love you and its not going to destroy the rest of her life.

Yes, this is a hard, hard task. I first started when my son was about 2months. And what I first did was keep him up as much as I could during the day. Then I put him on a schedule, meaning I would feed him every 4 hours a bottle. I didn't believe in every 3-4 hours because that one hour made a difference to me. Then I made sure that his last feeding corresponded with him going to sleep at night so he wouldn't wake up. And then I made sure that he would sleep in the same place and same way everytime. And finally when he was just over 5 months I started to notice that he would go to bed exactly at 8pm on his own and he wouldn't wake up till the next morning around 6 or 7am. He is now 15 months and he is exactly the same way. When he starts getting fusy and won't stop crying I just put him in his bed and he falls right to sleep. This could be during the day or night. So this is my suggestion. I know she is older. But I believe this works. But you have to keep on it and not change it at all. Once you figure out the schedule keep it. And do not let her sleep with you. And you can't sleep with her either. You can keep checking on her. It took me three months and those three months are worth it. It will get frustrating but the end result is amazing. I do not exagerate when I say all I do is put him in his bed and he falls right to sleep. Good Luck!!
Gwen

Hi A.. You know, she will tire herself out and fall asleep eventually. I hate the "let them cry" thing. But sometimes, when you have exhasted every other possible senerio, that is the only thing left. I would try to let them co-sleep half the night and sleep in the bed with you the other half. Or, you could try to make her bed exciting. Let her have some toys to play with. Give her a cool bedspread or a pillow that she wants, and tell her she can only have it in her bed. I would only do the crying thing as a last resort. Best Wishes, T.

No one should ever advise you to do anything that doesn't feel right to you as a mom. There are many approaches to sleep issues out there. You should find one that feels right to you and your family.
Have you checked out the No-Cry Sleep Solution by Elizabeth Pantley? It is a gentler approach to putting your baby on a nighttime sleep routine.
You might also look at the Baby Book, by William Sears. It encourages breastfeeding on-demand for the early months, but it does talk some about strategies for getting the baby on a nighttime routine.
Also, maybe try the Baby Whisperer by Tracy Hogg.
The only advice I have is to make sure and put your baby to sleep at the first sign of tiredness, and try to nurse as much as possible in the hours leading up to bedtime so she has a full belly.
Good luck!

Sorry A.....I know this is so hard! My son had this problem too. But YES she has to cry it out! How ever long it takes. It sucks! My son the 1st night cried for 3 hours :( the 2nd night was only an hour and the 3rd night he was asleep within mintues. It was hard but so worth it now. GOOD LUCK

We decided to night-wean our son at about 10 months because the frequency of the nursing was becoming more about habit than anything else, and it was wreaking havoc on our sleeping - he'd wake up every two hours just to suck for a minute or two.

According to the child psychologist, Dr. Aletha Solter, babies do need to express themselves through crying and should be allowed to do so. However, in order not to break the bond of trust that has developed between the two of you, she recommends holding your child while she cries, affirming her feelings, letting her know that you understand how she feels and that she is allowed to feel that way.

We did this with my son. He woke up at 3 am, and it was going to be my husband's responsibility to hold him while he cried, however, I forgot to warn my husband that the crying may last up to an hour, or longer. After 10 minutes, my husband came and got me, telling me that he couldn't do it (he's more of a softy in this regard). My son cried for a total of 45 minutes. He then slept the rest of the night through. The next night, we did the same thing, only he cried for 30 minutes. Then the next night, he awoke, cried a bit (may 10 minutes) and went back to sleep. After that he started sleeping through the night entirely, and other than when he's sick, we've not had many disturbed nights. You can read more about Dr. Solter's philosophies in The Aware Baby and visit her site www.awareparentinginstitute.com. I do want to point out that your daughter may cry longer and it may take more than a few days - every baby is different.

I would recommend that you don't make both changes at the same time, because that's a lot of stress for her. I'm not sure which to recommend to do first, I can only tell you what we did. We started putting our son in his own bed at 8 months. It was the middle of summer and bloody hot in the bed with three bodies and our son just wanted to crawl around and would wriggle a lot, so it wasn't working for us anymore. Of course, the problem was that now either my husband or I would have to get out of bed to get him when he wanted to nurse, so you can see why we were so exhausted. By 10 months, we reached our sleep-deprived limit and decided to wean. So, he had two months of getting accustomed to his bed. Oh, I had also started putting him in his bed for his naps during the day at around 6 months, so he already understand what he was supposed to do there.

I hope this helps you. I look forward to hearing how you do!

I am having the same problem with my 10 month old. It was much easier to continue breastfeeding with him co-sleeping with us. Especially since my son doesn't sleep through the night yet. I've tried putting him down a couple times for a nap in his crib and he lays there and cries until he throws up. There is no way that I can continue to let him do that. If he's laying there longer than 15 mins, I'll just pick him up and put him to sleep. At night I try to feed him before we get into bed and then let him roll around on the bed until he falls asleep, that way one day he'll at least be used to going to bed without having the boob. I'm probably going to wean him off of breastfeeding first, and then try to switch him to his crib. Especially when he has more of an understanding that he's a bigger boy. I hope you find a way that works for you. Just remember that the books aren't always right for everybody and to go with the feeling that's right for you.

Hi! A.:
Oh, how hard I know it is!! My son is 10-1/2 months old and has slept through the night about a handful of times but has never put himself to sleep. I always get him to sleep first then put him in his crib. I'm guilty of the co-sleeping thing also! It's just so hard in the middle of the night when they don't want to go back to sleep. I need some sleep, too!
I can't handle letting him "cry it out" plus I just don't believe it's good for them. Maybe try putting something of yours in her crib like a little blanket or pillow. I know we're not suppose to put pillows in their crib but we are talking about desperation here!
Good luck to you!

Hi,

I'm a mom of an 11 month old baby girl who is now sleeping in her own crib and mostly sleeping all night long. I had the same issue with her not wanting to fall asleep on her own, so what I did was I left the hall way light on and cracked open her door slightly so that it wasn't pitch black in her room. I don't care what doctors say about babies being too young to fear the dark. That worked miracles for me. Also, when that wasn't doing the whole trick, I'd sit by the side of her crib, not close enough for her to touch me or anything, but so that she'd know I was there. I didnt look at her or talk to her but it did comfort her and I was able to sneak out of her room after she layed down. So far this has worked for me for over 5 months. Good luck!

Wow, well it looks like you have had a lot of reading to do. I thought I would add my 2 cents though since I also have a 12 month old daughter. I agree that you should try to do one thing at a time. About a month before I actually weened my daughter I stopped the night feedings by simply giving her a pacifier and rocking her back to sleep. Eventually, I was able to just put it back in her mouth and lay her back down in her bed. She is now sleeping 10-11 hours a night!!
As for the weening, what worked for me was to cut out one feeding for a couple of days then another until she was down to one (night feeding before bed). This method really helped with having little engourment as well. Instead of breastfeeding her after meals I would give her a little snack and her sippy cup and play. The only habit we have left now is we do give her a sippy cup before bed with warm milk, but then we just give her the pacifier and put her straight to bed.
I never could let her "cry-it-out" so what I did to transition her was when I put her down for her naps I let her go until she started crying then I would go in put her pacifier back in and lay her back down and leave again. Of course, this is probably the long process but it's what worked for me. Then I just started using that for the evenings as well.
Good luck and whatever method you decide to use be sure it's what works for you and your daughter best.

After going through this with my oldest son and all the battles we have had I am a big supporter of waiting until the child is ready. Also I would suggest that you keep breastfeeding her until she is in her own bed or keep her in your bed until she is weened. Taking 2 things that make her feel safe and secure away at the same time is hard on a kid and makes it that much harder on mom too. I took both away from my son at the same time and he developed strange nervous habbits and he is 3 and still does it. Take it one step at a time. I sat next to my son's crib holding his hand until he fell asleep the next night I sat there with no touching, then the middle of the room then by the door then I left the room and he cryed but for only 5 minutes. He slept for 8 hours after that then I would nurse him and put him back in bed. And he would sleep another 4 hours. Hope this helps.

First of all, I am not someone who believes in letting an infant cry-it-out. However, when my son was about this age going to sleep became a "game". It would take him 45-60 minutes of rolling around before he'd fall asleep. I just didn't have an hour every night to lay with him. I made the decision to lock him in a room (in your case a crib) and let him cry. My son would get out of bed and bang on the door for as long as 3 hours. It was horrible for me, but within 3 days he would just lay down in front of the door and fall asleep on his own (I never owned a crib). Within 2 weeks he was falling asleep on his own in his bed (instead of on the floor in front of the door). It really just takes about 3 days of really tough bedtimes to break this habit. It sucks, but it's so worth it to have a child that will fall asleep on their own. :)

When my daughter was 12 months we did the leting her cry it out thing and well I am so glad we did it. She sleeps so much better than my boys did. Here is how we did it:
Ever night I would feed her something usually yogurt just before bed time breast feed until she was about to fall asleep and then:
night 1 & 2: put her to bed let her cry for 5 mins then go in and comfort her w/o getting her out of the crib then repeat after 2or 3 times we went to 10 mins 2 or 3 times then to 15 mins eventually she fell asleep.
night 3 & 4: we started at 10 mins the first 2-3 times then to 15.
night 4 and on: we started at 15 and she fell asleep within 20 mins

we did have a few nights once in a while where she would regress but we stuck to the 15 min routine and she is now 2 and goes to bed evey night on her own some times she even says mommy I tired take me to bed! She does play for awhile most of the time but she dont cry anymore. I dont suggest this but she started asking for a sippy of water after crying so hard so we gave it to her in bed and now she wont go to sleep without it. So if your little one needs a drink of water give her a drink and take it out with you unless you are ok letting her sleep with one later on. My older kids did not star going to bed on their own this good until they where 5 and going to school.
I wish you the best of luck! And hang in there it may take a few weeks but it is sooooo worth it!!
A.

hi my name is S. and i'm the mom of a 6 1/2 month old. i found that if i put my daughter in the crib and she starts crying i just lean over the crib and kinda hold her she faals asleep within a couple of minutes but to start remember to let her get good and tired, then you are there for her but she might go to sleep a little easier for you.. good luck

S.

I feel it would be best for those who breast feed past the 12 month and have the desire to stop, do it immediately. The longer you wait, the stronger the attachment becomes. The last thing you want is for this to carry over into the terrible twos...which it can very easily if you don't cut it out now. Do not go to the bottle, use sippy cups. If your child rejects it, be strong and don't give in to the crying for the breast feeding. I know it's so hard, but if you stop now, it is the worst it will ever get and eventually, your child will forget all about it. Wait too long, it will be that much more difficult to forget, especially when language begins to develop. Memory develops with language development. Once the breastfeeding is over with, the attachment issues with sleeping should subside as well. It will take some time and patience and strenght on your part, but trust me, 12 months is the perfect age for you to start to lay down the rules. If you don't now, what will two and three and four and so on be like? The sleep issue is most certainly tied in with the breast feeding. Comfort your child as best you can without giving into the cries for the breast milk. The crying won't be forever.

R.
Teacher, ages 2-3

Hey A.! ( Im an A. too!)

Have you checked out the book "nighttime parenting" or "the baby sleep book" by Dr Sears? He has ideas on "gently" getting your child into his/her own bed. Its definately a hard thing I know! I have a 14 month old and we have coslept since birth ( AP parenting) but lately its just getting hard on all of us. He is SO wiggly in the night and likes to ram his head into our heads! Hes also hard to get down ( cries and wiggles) and so Id really like to get him into his own bed. I refuse to have him cry for long periods of time though. I tried something yesterday ( recommended by Dr Sears) where I layed him in his crib and then went in every 5 minutes to calm him down, and after about 45 minutes he finally went to sleep with me patting his back and talking gently to him in his crib, but I just dont know if I can handle it emotionally, even that little bit of sadness from him doesnt feel right to me:( On weening, I agree with the other mamas, best to do one thing at a time. My little one pretty much weaned himself at 12 months so now we are working on getting off the bottle :O)
Good luck to you! Ill let you know if anything I come up with works~
A.

Hi A.,
My daughter is now four years, and ever since she was about 11 months old we have been trying to get her to go to sleep on her own , ans sleep in her bed through the night. nothing has worked yet. We have accully "let" her cry for up to 2hrs before. We weaned her from her from all bottles arout 14 months, and she isn't allowed to have anything to drink after about 7:00 pm as she is potty trained. However everynight I read her bedtime story, then daddy comes in and says goodnight, then I have to lay with her until she goes to sleep. Somethimes this takes 5 min, and sometimes it can take over an hour. Then anywhere between 1:00 am and 4:00 am she will call out for me or come into our bed. Some of the time I can go into her romm and sooth her for a min them I can go back to my own be, but alot of the times I have to lay with her agian, and I end up sleeping in her bed for the rest of the night. Latley she had figured out how to get into my bed without waking us up. I wake up in the morning and there she is. She is old enough that we have tried talking to her about this and even rewarding her for sleeping in her own bed all night with out calling us or coming into our room. Sometimes this works, however nothing seems to work for getting her to go to sleep on her own. Good luck!

I don't believe in letting them cry it out either. Many told me to let my son cry it out too, I tried several times and the longest I ever let him cry (with checking on him too) was 3 hours. And he never let up once during all that time! You know it is true that all children are different and letting them cry it out does not work for all children. Sorry that's my peeve, I'm so tired of people telling everyone to let them cry it out on their own as if every child is the same.

As for weaning off of breastfeeding, here is what worked best for me. I simply refused to feed him at night - he liked to nurse back to sleep so this really upset him. He cried and cried. But I stayed with him all night, cuddling and comforting, sleeping next to him when he did finally doze off. Those were some really long nights, but I think it only took 2-3 nights and it paid off because now he doesn't expect to be fed at night at all.

As for co-sleeping: my son starts out in his crib most nights and ends up in ours around 2 am. Sometimes he sleeps through the night in his crib though. But she's been sleeping with you since birth, it might be hard for her get used to sleeping alone. But you can do it if you are consistent. Does she have a lovey? I'm told that helps. Also, we got my son a white noise machine and that seems to be helping us too.

Hope this is helpful to you.

I would try only taking one of those things away at a time. They are both VERY comforting things for a baby and to have everything taken away at once might be too much. For instance, I would try getting her to sleep on her own while still nursing her. That way she knows you are still there to confort her, but it is time for her to have her own bed. Once she is all settled in and used to the idea of being in her own bed, I would start to wean her. It can be very difficult to wean a child who sleeps in the same bed as you...and very sleepless for both of you. One thing that helped me when I weaned my son was that I was living in my mother's house. When he woke up and wanted to nurse, my mother came to our room (me and my son shared a room, but not a bed) with a cup of water and held him until he was calm and ready to sleep. I would leave the room so it would not stress him out to be able to see the milk supply. Do you have a husband who may be able to do something like that for you when it's time to wean? It often takes more than 15 minutes, but if it is going as long as 60, I would try to comfort her. Good for you for being strong enough to let her cry it out! That kind of dedication and stregnth will be VERY helpful when she is a toddler. ;) Best of luck. Let us know how it works out.

L.

HI, Wean her first. When that is completly successful. Then start the sleep thing. Good luck!

There are a few option, I have a 13 month old who is weaning VERY slowly. He cribs at first but when he wakes (between 1am and 4am) I bring him in for the rest of the night to nurse. AskDrSears.com has some advice, he is not a cry it out advocate BUT does site people who do other meathods. Also there is "Sleep Easy" by Sleepy Planet (Jill Spivack and Jennifer Waldburger) They can send you a cd for age specific sleep advice.
In the meantime, you can try a bottle of water (if she will take a bottle) to put her to bed and each time she wakes, she will eventually tire of the fight and you will be holding her as she cries those fits out. I hear this takes about a week and since you are holding the child, the cries are more frustration rather than "mommy why have you left me". They are easier tears to suffer through.
Everyone will have their opionions. You do not have to cry it out, you do not have to try the water...you do whatever your heart tells you. As a good mom, that is all you really have. Lately I wait until my son is very tired and I lay him in his crib well fed, very tired and partially asleep so he almost is puting himself asleep. This works 1/2 the time. My husband has to put him to bed the other 1/2 because he doesnt smell like the milk factory. If you have someone else who can put her to bed, this may help as well.
I have said alot, I am also sure lots of moms have told you alot. You will feel whats right. I know how important the sleep is. You will weigh your heart-breaking to the tears with your need for sleep and you will find a solution. An important thing to remember is every child is different, every child responds to different things. My sister in law had their son cry it out ONE NIGHT, that is it...just one night! Wholy smokes...my first son, no dice after 3 days of crying it out he didnt change much with sleep and his daytime behavior got extreme, so he still co sleeps here and there...My 13 month old is doing well with 5 minute cry it out to sleep, or I get him. if he cries more than 5 minutes, I feed him a little more and try again in 10 minutes or so.
I hope somewhere in here I have given you something you haven't tried, or some hope or at least the knowledge that your hear will tell you what to do.
Good luck,
N.

Hello, my daughter was the same way when she was a year, she would honestly cry for hours with me checking on her to make sure she was okay. I know this sounds crazy, but I finally decided to put her in a toddler bed. She would get up and I would put her back in bed and tell her to stay there and stuff like that but she wouldn't cry and she figured out how to go to sleep by herself. I think she just didn't like the caged in feeling of the crib. Just a suggestion, and I hope you get it figured out.
A.

I weaned my son at 12 months. Everything went smooth and within the month he was sleeping all night in his crib.

My daughter was a different story though. She did not finally sleep in her own bed all night until she was 22 months. I did what you are doing. I tried everything that everyone suggested and she would scream and cry for hours to the point where she would throw up. So eventually I figured that when she was ready she would sleep in her own room. I got her a little fold out couch from Target and we would set up a little bed for her at the foot of our bed. She slept there for months and eventually she worked her way to her room and onto her toddler bed.

Just be patient...you will find something that works for your family even if it isn't what you originally planned.

Hi, I didn't breast feed as long as you have but I do have a few suggestions. I have a 7 week old daughter and a 2 year old boy. With my son after 2 months of breastfeeding only I decided to alternate with bottles. That helped with feeding him at night. To get him to sleep on his own I started putting a bit of cereal in his food and it worked great. I don't blame you for not wanting to leave your daughter in there to cry. I wouldn't be able to either.If you aren't giving her anything other than breast milk that may be the reason she doesn't sleep well. They have to have a full tummy to sleep. At least that's my opinion. It worked for me. I still breast feed but started feeding him cereal and at 5 months regualar baby food. It worked really well for me. Giving your child baby food wont hurt with the breast feeding, at least I don't think it will. Good luck to you!

I'm a big fan of the Dr Sears No Cry Sleep Solution http://www.amazon.com/No-Cry-Sleep-Solution-Gentle-Throug.... I went through the same thing at around 14 months and can tell you it's frustrating and a long process but keep at it.

My daughter would freak out even more if I came into the room when she was crying it out. She would not stop unless picked up and then no matter how long she was held and soothed - even if she fell asleep - she would get even MORE hysterical as soon as we put her down. It really upset me because I wanted to be a no-cry mom, but I had to let her be if I wanted her to develop a healthy sleep pattern. It took 1 night of two hours of intermittant hysterical crying and two more nights of about an hour to forty-five minutes of crying, and the establishment of a real bedtime routine (bath, two books, nursing with singing, and then into bed) at a regular time (7pm) but she totally got with it, I also wouldn't go to her until 5:45-6am to let her come to bed and nurse - so sometimes it meant a half hour of crying in the morning....but it worked, and now she's a happy healthy sleeper who takes two naps a day (she is also 12months)

I got a lot of helpful info from Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child - I ended up going with the extinction method because it worked for me. I know that it will be controversial with some, and I support those who have children with temperaments that can deal with no-cry solutions, but my daughter (against my own wishes and previous philosophy) was not one of those children. I had her in a family bed situation until she was 6 months old and demanded, by squirming and crying to be put in her own space. I was willing to continue the family bed indefinitely. As they say, the best laid plans....

Good luck!

youre trying to do too much at once... you should try weening her off of the breast first and then once you have accomplished that, start getting her used to sleeping in the crib (or vice versa)... too many new things at once can be very overwhelming to a child as well as to mom... i have three daughters of my own (6,9,13, y/o) and they all slept with me for the first few yrs of their lives because dad worked nights, but thats what worked for me and you should do what works for you...

A.,
can't say much (my 7 mo old likes to "type" too :-)) but go pick up THE NO CRY SLEEP SOLUTION BY ELIZABETH PANTLEY. its not a miracle solution or anything but it is a great approach to teaching your daughter to sleep on her own.
NO you don't have to let her cry and if its wearing on your heart then you can bet its wearing on hers too.
try the no cry sleep solution- you might be suprised.
best,
M.

TRY JUST SITTING BY HER BED WITH YOUR BACK TURNED. DO NOT LOOK AT HER THOUGH. AND EVERY NIGHT INCH CLOSER TO THE DOOR UNTILL SHE GOES TO SLEEP ON HER OWN.

Hello A.

I wanted to do the same or shall i say thought by doing the same let the babies cry it out due to this is what others say will work. Some may laugh but I did pick up on conversation topic on Dr. Phil show regarding this and you may want to go on his web site and plug this in on the search. By letting babies cry all that is doing (well you stated)is wearing your mind and heart and doctors stated it is doing the same for the babies their little heart pressure goes up and will continue to stay that way. I believe going in and talking and comforting them. Please go on the web site and you will get advise that way.. hope this helps

You might want to try doing one thing at a time. It sounds like you are doing a "double whammy" on her. Breastfeeding her to sleep and then putting her in her own bed was helpful to me. Good
Luck.

Dr. Sears was on the Dr Phil show a few weeks ago. They were talking about this very issue. Dr Sears was saying you should not do both transitions at once. It is too traumatic for the baby. Choose which you would rather have. Wean the sleep or breastfeeding first and once that is over then go to the other. You may want to try her crib in your room so she still sees you but is not in the same bed with you. OF course all of this is easier said then done. This is definitely be a challenge so get ready for some hard work.

Good Luck
S.

A.,

My hubby and I went through something similar. At 12 m we tried to start putting our daughter down in her own crib. She would not sleep and cried like crazy. I took down her railing and now she has a toddler bed which works better and it was much easier to get her to sleep as long as we were there with her. She never slept through the night and still got up screaming. During Christmas I recieved a glider and since then we have decided to add rocking (which is so sweet to spend quality, quiet time with her) and music to our routine. We sit in the rocker she drinks warm milk while I read her a story. She went down even easier, but still gets up in the middle of the night. This past week we have added a nightlight. LIFE SAVER!!! Now, she still gets up (@ 21m old) in the middle of the night, but no crying, she comes into our room to let my husband and I know that she is awake. One of us takes her back to her room, puts her back in bed and she is out again in a few minutes. Now we are just working on getting her to sleep through the night. It has been a very long process for us, but years from now I know that I will look back and wish that I had this time again. Hang in there, keep trying different things and I hope that something in this email helps you out.

I was watcing supernanny and this technique, although as it is described here, seems to be for a slightly older child, I saw her do it with a crib sleeping child. It stops the crying but takes commitment but it worked, and it is less tramatic for the child and you, hope this helps....

Sleep Seperation Technique

It seems harmless enough, lying down with your child while he goes to sleep, but it could be that sleeping by himself at night is one of his biggest steps towards independence.

Also, getting time to yourself in the evening means you’ll be on top form when it all starts again tomorrow! An unbroken night’s sleep is crucial to your child’s development and staying tucked up in bed all night could make a clingy child less dependent in the daytime, too.

Steps to get a good night’s sleep

Follow a calming bedtime routine.

Once you’ve put the little one to bed, don’t sit or lie down beside them. Sit on the floor instead, keeping your head down so they can see your profile but not your eyes, turn the light off and say “now it’s time to be quiet and go to sleep”.

If your child carries on chatting to you, insist that “it’s sleep time now” in a gentle but firm voice and don’t get drawn into a discussion.

If they get out of bed, put them back with a kiss and a cuddle the first time, just a kiss the second time, then with minimal physical contact after that. This part can be really hard, especially as the nights go on, but consistency and a kind tone will help your child feel secure in their bed without the anxiety of being left alone.

Little by little, move further away from the bed each night.

Eventually, you’ll be sitting with the door open, and finally you can say goodnight and go downstairs.

This technique will help your child get used to sleeping alone in a bed. It will also make it easier for you to gain a period of blissful independence each evening before you, too, head for dreamland.

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