11Yr Old Depression

I am sorry, there is not bigger pain for a mom that the pain from our kids.
What must be causing all this?
Have he always being like this or this start just now?
Does he feel pressure for being like his brothers?
I would try to find out the cause so is easier to help him.
I do agree with CJ, maybe try a 3rd to talk(counselor, ancle), kids sometimes feel better if they talk to others.
I also agree with Tracy, in the mean time the best you can do is lot of reassurance on how important he is and how much loved he is.
Sometimes my daughter feels blue, so I tell her how good is she in this or that, but she would tell me that she is not. I use to go on and insist that she was indeed for her age but all it would do is start a battle of me saying she is and she told she is not, and it gets very frustrating.
So I opt for just tell her once and say that was my opinion and that I would be honest with her I if didn't think so (I am when I really don't like one of her paints).
My daughter is very into painting and reading. I think painting is a great way for them to express their feelings, and honestly, there is no a "right" way to do it, is all about perspective.
Reading is also a great way to be open to different ideas (and get advice), perhaps you can buy him a book of something he likes.
Being good at something is a huge booster or self-esteem (reading, painting, cheerleader, cook, etc, etc).

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Is he seeing a counselor? It sounds like you and your family are doing everything you can. Maybe it would be easier if he spoke to someone that he doesn't have a personal relationship with. I would look for someone you specializes is teens. I would stop forcing him to do activities right now, unless he finds one he wants to do.

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Magnesium malate, 500 mg day, and liquid vit b complex drops under the tounge. Alpha lipoic acid daily also.

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maybe you could get him a journal and have him write things down about what he likes about himself....but first I would have both you and husband write 10 things that you like about him, help build his confidence up for when he goes to write his ideas down. Then maybe each day he can write something good that happened or what he liked about the day. We did this with our child. I would also try counseling if you can...we did with our child and we didn't go long about 3 months but it helped with the lines of communication and what to ask etc...and we had good communications prior to that. Good luck..you and your son will get thru this and things will get better.

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I know it is summer... but does his school have a group? My daughters middle school has a million types of groups they can join. If one does not exsist and they need it... they make one. They are 6 weeks long and seem to really help. The school counselor can help you. They also refer you to outside groups. Have you called the pediatrician... ours was really helpful also.

My daughter started this at 11, she is 13 now. I know it was the hormones. She is trying to adjust. Music helps her a ton. She writes songs and sometimes long letters about how she is feeling.

Every child is different. My oldest was not like this. I think their personalities cannot handle the "stress" of pre teen life. It does get a little better. You are right though, they need CONSTANT reassurance and love and the feelilng of being needed. I hope everything gets a little better for you and your son. It is so sad to watch them work themselves up like this :(

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If it is real depression, you need to get him counseling, and/or medication. I wish I could advise you in how to find a good medical professional, but I am not so sure. A guy I went to school with has battled severe depression all his life, and it started when he was 11. He is currently 36 and on a series of medications and does have regular counseling. I know the thought of medicating a child for something like that is hard to grasp, but it can be a problem with the chemicals in his brain, and no amount of self esteem building and counseling will help. You need to seek the help of a professional to see if that is the case.
I have had milder episodes of depression throughout my life, and they started in junior high. I never did anything about it, or even really realized what it was, until I had small children and I saw how my issues were affecting them. I do wish I'd done something sooner, or at least understood why I was feeling that way. It's hard because when you're going through it, you know you're being irrational, but it's beyond your control. I would beat myself up even more about being so stupid for being so sad and crying so much for absolutely no reason. I was embarrassed if someone asked what was wrong and I couldn't explain why I was so sad. So because I didn't understand and couldn't explain it, I felt even worse about myself.
I can't imagine how hard it is to watch your son suffer. I would do some research on real depression and maybe have him do some reading too to see if any of it seems familiar to him. Then I guess talking to his doctor might be a good start. Good luck!

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My son has very similar issues. He is extremely sensitive to everything and berates himself, puts himself down or hits himself if he is scolded. He is seeing a counselor and we are going to continue this until he starts middle school to see how things go. We are trying positive reinforcement every chance we get. My husband tends to joke or scold in a very negative way so that is something I know we have to change. I try to talk to my son about his likes--not do you like but more leading from somehting he mentions. Unfortuantely we do not have groups available around us. The schools have not ahd many after school activities. What you can try is see what his favorite interests are and find some group he can join. That is what I am trying to do. Myson is a science geek so it is hard and some boys can be mean. And I did not let my son join Boy Scouts because I saw how they can be when the boys don't meet their expectations.

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I have just been reading a book called "The Thyroid Solution" that talks about how thyroid disorders can lead to depression, mood disorders, low self-esteem, etc. I don't know how common thyroid issues are in children, but it might not hurt to get his levels checked. It is a simple blood test.

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Does he have any thing that he can do- tai kwon do(spelling is not my strength), swimming club, church activities.

Does he get a lot of positive reinforcement? Not from himself or you and your husband, but from teachers, peers, relatives, neighbors?

My heart breaks for you and your son when I read that he breaks down into tears when he says "I like myself".

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Hi S.,
My daughter also had a similar situation. I took her to a phycologist who treats her without drugs. she gets nuerofeed back and it works. She is more cheerful and is doing great in school. this is also a "hormonal time" and both boys and girls experience a change. Does he have a hobbie? Enocourage something he can be good at. Guitar, karate, sports anything. This will help his self esteem. Also get a physical, he may be defficient. Ask your doctor for a referral, but hold off on medication if you can. Therapies are out there that really help. Good Luck!

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Not to scare you--nor am I a psychiatrist--but this is also the age where child-onset bipolar disorder can start to rear its head. Some children are more prone to the depressive side. I highly recommend the documentary "Boy Interrupted" on HBO Films. It was very informative on the warning signs that one family went through with their son starting when he was young and suffering from depressive episodes much like you're describing. http://www.boyinterruptedfilm.com/

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Start with his pediatrician. Seek help. You may want to have him screened for Autism/Aspergers. Oversensitivity was one of the first signs in our daughter and getting the right diagnosis and the right help has been enormously helpful! I hope things will work out for you and him too. (and you can reassure him, we're ALL crazy, just in our own way!)

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Hi there. Maybe a therapist could help him sort out his feelings. My son is 9 and has severe anxiety so I finally sent him to a "talking" dr. It has helps tremendously. Even his self esteem is much better. I'm very happy seeing my son happy again. Good luck to you and your family. N.

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Dear S.:

Please consider asking his doctor to help you figure out what's making your son sad. Perhaps your doctor will suggest a therapist. Depression, school issues, feeling overwhelmed with growing up, an incident with a mean child or adult -- it could be anything. You and your family deserve some additional help dealing with your son's sadness.

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Because my husband has major depression and because he was diagnosed when he was 12, I would definitely recommend getting your son into seeing a therapist ASAP. Your son sounds a lot like my hubby did (and sometimes still does). My daughter (who is only 5) is experiencing anxiety/depression and she is seeing a wonderful child counselor. She is in Geneva. Not sure where you live, but if you would like her info, drop me an email. Good luck ... my heart goes out to you.

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Keep trying other activities until he finds one he likes. Theater works well for many kids who don't fit into other activities.

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What is his diet like? It might be response to not feeling well. Perhaps food allergies. Does he crave certain foods. IF NOT, and he doesn't eat well, then it might be a way that his body is crying out for nutrition.
When we feed our bodies, we are feeding our brains as well.
Whole food supplements have no side effects and only benefits.
Drugs just mask the symptoms, sort of a band-aid approach. Challenge yourself to get to the root of the problem.

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It is time to have your child checked out by a counselor. Check with your insurance to see what kind of benefits and resources you have available to you. It isn't easy to get into a counselors/pysh, it would be better to start trying to get him in now, especially with school starting now. There are so much help out there if you know where to look. As a society we have no problem getting help with a broken arm, but we do when it comes to mental issues. Please, have him evaluated ASAP before school. Kids can be so mean. Keep us updated and ask for help - suggestion on Drs, programs, etc. If you want please email me personally.

Take care
J.

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I would suggest counseling, the therapist could pin point more accurately what's going on and can work with you as well on how to deal with it.

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I know that nobody wants to put their kid on meds, but if his depression is a chemical imbalance (which is what mine is, so I'm speaking from experience) a low dosage of anti-depresents could be just the thing. I'm telling you, one tiny pill a day makes all the difference in the world. Peace and love to you and your son, my prayers go out to him for a successful and HAPPY outcome!

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If he's crying all the time, he is depressed. I agree with Anneka. Forget about the clubs and social interactions for now and concentrate on getting him to a psychologist. Let the psychologist or psychiatrist guide you on what types of interaction would be good for him.

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I would definitely recommend finding a good counselor. There may be more to this than just being sensitive. I have a niece who was much like this and turns out she was bipolar. Many kids have bipolar disorder or clinical depression and it's not all "in their head" - it is physiological and they need to be treated. My niece struggled for so long, but finally is in a good place, thanks to a great doctor and the support of family. Depression and all of its' forms - left untreated - can do more physical harm to a person than people realize. It affects overall physical health. I would not sit by and hope this gets better....Check out this link - it tells all about childhood depression and how to get referrals for help. Please check it out.
http://www.metrofamilymagazine.com/recognizing-and-handli...

I hope this helps. *hugs*

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Journals? Scouts? Church? Science Club?

Oh... my... gosh...

Take your child to a psychologist right now and get a work-up so that you can take the file to a child psychiatrist and have them write a prescription for an ANTIDEPRESSANT and do it immediately.

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I think it's time for a therapist. He needs an objective 3rd perspective to help him. You're doing your best, but you're not trained for this, and it's also harder for you, because as his parents, you can't be objective. Children this age can be very impulsive and do have suicidal thoughts, yet they don't have the life experience yet needed to put things in perspective. Get him some help.

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