11 Year Old Still Soiling Pants

I hope this doesn't sound odd, but have you tried being very frank with him? Just saying flat out, "I don't want the other kids to say something to you, laugh at you or talk about you and say that you smell or have bad breath" might work. ALso pinting out that he really can't go visit other kids' houses if he is going to do that. I hope it doesn't sound mean, but your tone will of course soften it. At his age I just think that they sometimes still have difficulty seeing how others might view them. Plus, it would be a whole lot better coming from you than from one of his peers.

If he is having trouble wiping, there are the moist cloths that you cna buy. I know it doesn't help in school or in public, but at least for at home.

As long as it is not a medical condition, you will have to have severe consequences; ie. no video games, no extra activities, no friends over or going there as well. Also, perhaps he could earn points to buy a video game when he remembers to be "clean". Write it down in a contract. He is old enough to held accountable.

start your research here http://www.encopresis.org/forums/

Then after you do this kind of research talk to a doctor. If your son doesn't have it, just talking to a doctor may change his habits BUT if he does IT IS NOT HIS FAULT!! HE CAN'T FEEL IT!!!

God bless -- we are going throught the same thing with my 5 year old (both pee and poop).

Many children will do this for a period of time. One of the best things is setting a time each day, often just after breakfast to use the bathroom. He should stay their until he's had his BM and instruct him that he has to use toilet paper until he's completely clean. You could try the wet wipes for a while. When children hold the BM in it becomes very dry and painful to pass. Talk with his doctor what what to do and if the doctor would okay you using stool softeners for a while.

My 7 year old is still having the same problem. Have you had your son to the Dr. for an x-ray? He may be compacted from holding his bowel movements. My Dr. gave me "a formula" to flush his system and now he is on a stool sofner everyday to keep him going easily. With in six monthes the Dr. says his issues should be gone, it needs time from being so streched out to go back to size and so that things work properly. If you would like more info your more than welcome to email me. It is not a fun thing to deal with! I feel for you!

L.; yeah crazy , but maybe institute showers every day , and tell him make sure he washes there, even give a shout out to him while in the shower to was his butt, inside the crack too, sorry for the graphic, and before he goes in, give him a clean pair of underware and have him hand out his other clothes or make sure they are put on after shower, other than that, i dontk know what to do. hope it helps D. s

i went through the same thing, it better now but, once in a while he has problems. first i got him on grape juice so he has to go. then, at night in the even when he is just sitting around i go up to him and feel him stomach. i tell him to go. he think i know my feeling his stomach. when it feels hard. most of the time it is hard. but the reason i do it is because he doesn't like it when i touch his stomach. soon he will get sick of you check him everyday. it work of me. i thought he would never grow out of it. what boy want their mother touching their stomach everyday. try after school with the grapes, try to get him on a even schdule. check him everyday around the same time. then i get him to go and then take a shower. he take his shower at night before school. it seem like i been have clean underwear. it took some time and work.

Hello L., This sounds like it could be a medical problem. Have his checked out by his doctor to rule that out.

Take away the video games. If they're getting in the way, or he's too engrossed to do things he needs to, then take them away for a little while. Tell him he can earn them back, by doing the things he needs, but the minute he starts to ignore his hygiene, his chores and homework, then the games get taken away again; or if you want to go the embarrassing route, buy him "diapers" and make him wear those. I'd suggest the other route first. lol ...

I would also make him start washing his own clothes; having to clean up after himself might make him snap out of it a little.

Good luck!

Ah yes, personal hygiene with 11 yr old boys. He is not to the personal awareness yet, but it will come, in the meantime, it is all work for Mom. You need to limit the game time and only let him play when he has his shower, teeth brushed, etc. Put up a list in the bathroom if you like, with a dry erace board and a marker so that he can check it off as he goes through the list. Check his breath to make sure that he brush (spot check if you want). Get him some cool men's shampoo, etc. They are so stuck between the child and next stage, you almost need to handle them on a preschooler level.

As for the main problem, that is really unusual. You need to have a talk with him... again... and tell him about the health risks. It really isn't good to ignore what your body is telling you. I like the idea of him earning game time. I would tie it in with the soiling situation. If you have an idea of when he does go, then you can remind him at about that time every day. It isn't easy with a preteen, but get him more exercise, it will help in all areas.

With mine, he wasn't allowed to play video games or watch tv, etc, until his homework was done, but he could play outside with his friends as long as he wanted. I was hoping that this would encourage outside play until dinner time when the neighborhood kids had to go in to eat, and then he was required to do homework before going back out or playing games. It seemed to work for me, he hated homework so he would skatboard for 2 hours in front of our house and he got more exercise and it helped relax his brain so he could concentrate on homework.

Good luck... I am afraid that these are normal problems for many preteen boys. If you can't correct it with coercion etc, then it may be a medical problem, but it doesn't sound like to me, but I am no expert.

Hi L. -

You are definitely NOT alone in this! I have three boys, two that are autistic. My 2 AI boys both have the same issue. While my youngest was able to rectify the situation when he was 7, my oldest was 14 before he gained control. You may want to talk to your son and his doctor. He may not be feeling when he has to go since he's held it for so long. This is called encopresis. If the situation doesn't take care of itself then his bowels will streach out and possibly become impacted due to him no longer being able to pass it. My oldest is now having hemmroid issues because of it and it is no walk in the park. You might want to start him on a fiber suppliment and set a time he needs to take a break and use the bathroom. Right after meals is a good time. If he's not going to take care of it then you need to step in and "re-train" him. If he doesn't like being told to go use the bathroom then he should be acting responsibly enough to do it himself. Having him wash out his own underwear will help, too. If you smell it, make him change immediately and watch him wash it out in the toilet. It will get old really quick and may be the incentive he needs not to do it. My oldest got embarrassed at his IEP when I mentioned it to his teachers in front of him and that was enough to get him to stop.

I hope this helps - S.

Look up encopresis online - your son may have this but a doctor could confirm and suggest treatments...

As a mother of 3 boys, one of the things I have done, is to tell him that if he can't start taking care of himself, you'll go in there and start going in the bathroom and start helping him. Believe me, the last thing an 11 yr old boy wants is to have his mom seeing him naked.
Also, the first thing that will go until he does what he's told, is take the video games away. There is a reason why we don't own any of those video game consoles. Video games are a privilege, not a right, you don't do your homework, no video games, don't do your chores, no video games, don't do your personal hygene, no video games.
As for reminding him to do everything, I still have to remind all of my kids to brush their teeth, etc, goes along with being a mom, there is however a light at the end of the tunnel, they do start brushing their teeth and combing their hair without being told.

I would talk to his doctor. That does not sound at all normal to me.

The only thing I can think of is keeping those flushable wet wipes in the bathroom and encouraging him to use them. They tend to clean better than dry paper.

Also, don't let him turn on the video game until he has completed his morning routine including showering, brushing teeth, combing hair, and going to the bathroom. And limit the amount of time he is allowed to spend playing video games. If he's sitting there all day, to the exclusion of everything else - including meeting his own basic needs - he has a problem. I'd make him turn it off after an hour. Give him opportunities to earn more time, perhaps by doing chores, if you wish, but seriously... He does not need to be playing video games so long that he craps his pants. That indicates a frightening level of addiction.

A. @ http://prettybabies.blogspot.com

Ask him some questions about this. There is a condition where about a tablespoon comes out in their underwear and it is something that just happens without the child being able to control it. My son had this a few years ago. I'm not sure what they call this but the condition is no fault of their own. Check it out online. It does eventually go away. I had taken him to a doctor and he told me about it.