10 Year Old Shy in School

What your child needs is not medication but encouragement and mentoring. Best way to break a child out of their shell is in structed activities they enjoy. Does the school have sports teams? Clubs? Things your kid enjoys.Have you thought of counseling from someone who deals with children/teenagers not as mental cases but as mentors. I dont know their true term but there are psychologists out there that are for kids to speak to to help them through these years. Also since there has been lots of family issues you should see a family counseler for them, they could be avoiding all contact in fear of building relationships to then have them broken. I try a psychologist first to find out what makes your kid tick.

Meds aren't going to make your child speak, it sounds like an emotional issue, you can't know that meds would be suggested until you get some sort of diagnosis.
If she has never spoken in school, to kids or adults, since kindergarten and she is now in 5th grade, I assure you something IS wrong and she isn't going to suddenly "come out of her shell." Loss of a grandparent and an out of state move years ago are not causing her to be unable to speak with her teachers. She's been in school for years, I work with 4th graders and my youngest child is a 5th grader, and it's not normal. She needs help with this issue so that she can function in the world - middle school is coming up.

Taking you daughter to a doctor does not mean she will automatically be put on meds, but it does mean you will get what you really need: more information. Do not let the school make a diagnosis, go to a good professional who can help you help your daughter best. Getting another expert involved can only be good if you shop around and find one you can trust. If there is a problem of some kind, there is no time to waste, so get out there and gather all the facts you need to make a plan.

C.,
Don't stress about it, but please get her help. You can tell the school you want her evaluated, by law in the state of NJ they have to provide your child the help she needs. If you have health care, please take her to see her pediatrician and have her or him send her for tests and specialists. It is better that she be tested and diagnosed now, the sooner the better. Middle school is coming and it's even harder for kids than elementary. For her own sake and yours, you need to seek professional help. She might need some therapy and the school and her doctor working together should be able to get her on track soon. I'll be praying for her and you.
I.

Please speak to her pediatrician right away about this. He/she can point you in the right direction for help and information.
Knowledge is power!
You've gotta be the advocate for this child. Please get some professional help to identify if she is "shy" or there is a more significant issue going on here. Good luck and God Bless.

Corrine,
I think the best thing you can do for your daughter, who has no problems talking at home, is to home school her. Sounds like a huge undertaking, but really, I think for her it would be the best parenting you can ever do.

Coupled with a horrible rating for the school - you might get your kids individually tested to see where they really are. To save yourself money in the long run, you might home school until she 'gets the hang of things' or she may really wow everyone and just do so brilliantly at home that it proves itself.

You are in NJ. There are homeschooling 'communities', maybe not close together, but connected by the internet. You are not alone. Many people choose to do this for their own sanity and for the sake of their children.

Most colleges also look for home schoolers. They find them more dedicated and responsible people when they grow up.

Need more info, advice, bolstering, cheering? email me.
Good luck,
M.

My daughter is 3 years old and has suspected selective mutism. She talks perfectly well and often at home, but in other situations, particularly school, she *can't* speak. I do not consider my daughter to be a "shy" child ... she wants to speak very much, she loves to play with other kids, she just freezes up and literally *can't*. Selective mutism is an anxiety disorder and is not something they will just outgrow. At just 3 years of age, my daughter has made some huge strides towards conquering her SM, but we still have a ways to go.

Another thing is that a child with SM should *never* be placed in a "special needs" school. It is vitally important that children with SM attend typical schools - with apologies to the other mom who recommended homeschooling, I think that would be a big mistake for you. Your child, more than most, needs to be around other typically developing children.

I would advise you to reach out to your school district to find out what services are available to you. Make an appointment with a developmental pediatrician - meds don't need to be a part of the equation at all. You are your daughter's best advocate. Do not let anyone convince you of something you're not comfortable with ... but also don't be afraid to consider the idea that she may need help. It could be the best thing you can do for her.

If you need any more info or would like to chat, please email me any time.

M.

Absolutely do not let anyone put her on meds!!! My child went through this in pre-k3 through K. Once the K teacher left and a new teacher came. She broke out of her shell. I was told she had SM and they wanted to put her with special ed. It was the teacher who happened to be a "yeller". My child was scared of her and wouldn't talk. In K she started to talk after the teacher change, to a few little girls and the teacher's aide heard her talk. I got a phone call right away. I had just started with a therapist a month earlier. I stopped the therapist and my child is now in 3rd grade and very very verbal LOL! A child psychologist (female one) might help. They can "push into" the classroom and work with her as well as do private sessions at the office or your home. Best of luck!

Go see a psycologist today! She is not going to come out of her shell without help. The good news is meds are not the first course of action with selective mutism. There are several approaches which may benefit your daughter and most physicians respect your choice to be cautious about meds. A psychologist will always approach it from another angle. Its the psychiatrists that dole out the meds and yu wouldnt be recomennedto them by the ologist unless they felt it was absolutely necessary.
do not wait. ur town is only gonna feel smaller if u do.