10 Year Old Daughter Who Complains About Every Ache and Pain

My ten yr old granddaughter cannot tolerate pain. We had to go to a special dentist for fillings. Also I went to take her to get her ears pierced and she cried. Then I as so mad a woman watching that came up and butted in. She said,"Oh, how sad they are making her do it and she does not want it done." Well she had a huge audience. Then I took her into the mall and sat her down. She had her ears pierced when she was a baby and we let them grow back. It was not going to take much to open them up again. So then we went back the crowd was gone and she watched a baby get hers done. Then she was scared but did it and is glad. I wanted to get her some cute earings as she has every thing else. It is getting harder and harder to come up with things to buy her for b-day and Christmas and such. Now I got her a ring expensive and she lost it in a month. I am so hurt and mad. She is not obsessive over pain but any little scratch is a big deal. She got a sliver once in her foot and I had to take her to the doctor to get it out. I tried to use a needle but she was to freaked out. She has pulled all her teeth on her own. Maybe they will just out grow it. You are right about maturing they are about jr high acting at 10.G. W

You are describing my almost 13 yr old daughter drama queen. Actually, she is MUCH better now.

Our cure........when the major complaining began, we got the keys and said "Let's go to the hospital" or "Dr". She got quiet real fast when it was a complaining episode. Yes, a couple of times, she did say let's go and when that happened, we knew she was sick because she hates Dr's, hospitals and needles.

Just be patient, hear her out, and she will out grow it. Her friends will get tired of hearing is as well and peer pressure helps in this case.

Susan

Although I realize that the whining and complaining might be annoying, you must understand that some people feel pain differently than others. For some people a scratch may feel much worse. Don't be too quick to judge your drama queen. I would talk to your pedi and see if it may be something more and NEVER shrug off anything. That could be the one time that your daughter is deathly ill. My mom used to ask me when I would complain if I needed to go to the hospital - that way she could determine how sick I really was.

I don't have any great advice, but I just wanted to let you know I empathize. We have a 10 year old drama queen as well. I have tried to talk to her about the fact that if she cries, whines, or complains about every little thing, soon people will tune her out and she will have a problem getting attention if and when she really needs help. I share your fear that I will miss something important because I simply cannot pay attention to every physical complaint she has, or else I would be spending all of my time on her.

One possibility I have considered and have been trying to work on is just that she feels left out and this is a way of getting attention so my husband and I are trying to give her more positive attention. It does seem to work, however I've noticed that when we're busy with one of the other children or have asked her to do a chore she doesn't like that the complaints seem to increase.

If she seems to over-react to normal situations/stimulus you might look into Sensory Integration Problems which are explained in a great book, "The Out of Sync Child". There are simple (non-medication) solutions to helping her learn to regulate her body and reactions. Feel free to contact me if any of this might hit the mark.

I have a girl that was doing and still sometimes does that. The way I handled it was to act the same way. Just go over board with it, and then explain why you did that and ask her how she felt why you were doing this. It did help with mine, but your right, if she can not tell the differance between everyday pain and something serious, she may be in trouble later.
Good Luck

You've described my 11 year old son. I've noticed this behavior starting about a year and a half ago. He's always craved attention (maybe because his dad and I split when he was a toddler, or maybe it's just his personality). But I too don't know when to take him seriously and when to tell him that aches and pains are sometimes normal daily event, especially if you play a sport. But I too have had the occasion to shrug something off and it turned out to really be something. Hopefully they will outgrow this.

And, it's just not girls that are this one. My younger son is super sensitive and the drama "queen" in our house. However, it's not just psychological, as we have learned that he is a double-gened Celiac (an intolerance to the gluten/protein found in wheat, rye, barley and oats). He also has a gene that makes him pre-disposed to be very sensitive to exposure to toxins, such as mold and everyday toxins found in household chemicals, scented products, etc. So, his moods often correlate with him not feeling well.

I will note that celiac disease is currently highly underdiagnosed. I wasn't diagnosed until I was an adult and I too was a drama queen child and in hindsight, I likely just didn't feel good most of the time. So, if you or your husband are of Northern European descent (the highest occurrence of the disease is in these folks), then you might want to have your daughter screened. Here's a basic overview:
http://www.gluten.net/celiac.htm

My now grown daughter was exactly like this and over the years I came to respect that my high tolerance of pain left me a bit unsympathetic and that some people are much more sensitive than others. I think in some there is a fear factor going on as well. And, yes, I missed at least one potentially severe problem when as a young teen, my daughter complained bitterly about eye pain. Nothing was visible to me, but when three days later, I took her to the eye doctor, there was a tiny sliver of metal embeded in the surface of her eye. Guess my advise would be to assume nothing and attention is more necessary to some than others. Might encourage her to be as pleasant as possible so as to make others more comfortable being around her after her initial complaints. What can you do?
C. S.

My 9 year old daughter is the same way. Some children (and some adults)are just wired different. It's like their nervous system is set too high. They feel pain much more intensely than others and are very sensitve to all the sensory input around them. I always empathize with my daughter, but try not to make a big deal out of it. She has been really bad this school year. She takes ballet, jazz, and gymnastics, so sometimes I think that her pains are real. Other times, it's really strange stuff, like today she came home from school complaining that her mouth was on fire. My daughter is healthy except for allergies, and sometimes I wonder if she just want's a little attention because she's never sick. I try to find little ways to soothe her like letting her use my foot spa, the heating pad, special lotions, etc. It's not a big deal, but it validates her complaint, and that seems to be what she needs to hear. I do worry about her being the kid nobody wants to hang around because she's the one who "cries all the time." See if you can find this book at your library: The Highly Sensitive Child by Elaine N. Aron. It explains a lot and let's you know that your not the only one with a kid like this. I've got 2 sensitive children so I know where your coming from. I'm nervous about how this will play out in the teen years too. Hang in there!

I am always so impressed with the great responses the "mamas" give! Holly is right on; check into sensory integration and see if that's it. A friend of mine is going through this with her younger son. She had him evaluated at a place called Play Works (I think in the Marsh/635 area?), and he definitely needed help with sensory integration.

As a former school counselor, I had students who were so much more sensitive than the norm. I always felt sorry for them, because everyone assumes they are just being lazy or dramatic or wanting attention. It can be very hard to distinguish between all the possibilities, but I think it is always in the long-term best interest of your child to "be on her side" (which you are, obviously!) and check deeper into this. I remember a friend whose parents always got on to him for not standing up straight. Turns out he had a type of arthritis they didn't know about, which kind of handicapped him - they didn't discover it until he went to college!

Good luck with this - hang in there!