10 Month Old Sleep Issues - Help!

Updated on July 10, 2009
E.F. asks from Herndon, VA
26 answers

I don't know if I will get any advice different from what I've read in all my books and videos, but thought I'd give it a shot & see if anyone out there can help me. Apparently, I have messed my baby up as far as sleep associations, and I need to undo it! My first son (7 years ago) had colic (undetermined reason for crying) for 9 months & would cry for hours (13 hours straight was his record, but it was typically 5-8 hours straight). We discovered the book, Happiest Baby on the Block, which helped us immensely (teaches to swaddle, shush, bounce, etc... to calm babies). So, with our new one, we swaddled him right away & kept doing it until he grew out of the swaddle - around 4 or 5 months old. He was also sleeping in the bassinet next to me until he outgrew that. Until he outgrew the swaddle, he was pretty much sleeping through the night. Easy easy baby! He also hardly ever cried - such a change from my first baby. Initially, I tried to put him on an "eat, then activity, then sleep" schedule, but he resisted it & seemed to respond better to the reverse - eating right before sleep. Since he was so easy, I figured it wouldn't hurt to nurse him to sleep. So, all of these combined - the nursing to sleep, being with me all the time, and being secure in the swaddle apparently trained him to NEED those things to fall asleep. After he outgrew the swaddle things started getting bad. I kept him in the bassinet still, so I could monitor him & make sure he'd be ok for when we transferred him to the crib. Eventually he outgrew the bassinet & still wasn't sleeping well, so I moved him into the bed with me, instead of the crib. My husband had to move to the guest room. We knew this would be temporary, but thought it would give us time to research how to get him to the crib easily. Eventually this led to him wanting to be ON me. And, of course, what I had feared - he fell out of the bed one night. SO... then we moved to an air mattress on the floor of his room, so it would be safer if he fell off, and would also get him used to being in his room (he had never slept in his room at this point). I think he was 8 months by this point. Finally, enough was enough - I was getting no sleep. So, after reading several books (No Cry Sleep Solution - which gives steps - one was moving to the floor of his room to get him used to it, and then the Baby Whisperer, which gave a "3 day magic" to try to undo the "damage" I've done by promoting bad sleep associations), we started the "Sleep Training" to get him in the crib. It's been about 3 1/2 weeks, & yes, he is in the crib, but he still doesn't go to sleep on his own & he still wakes every 3 hours (at this age he should at least be going 4 hours - which I know he can do because he was going at least 6 back when he was swaddled!). Basically, this is how it goes - Bedtime 8:30 - I nurse him & he is almost asleep, I put him in the crib, he cries for hours, we periodically comfort him, & when he is just totally exhausted (he still fights it & will NOT lay down), we hold him on our shoulder, he falls asleep & we put him down. Then he sleeps for a while, wakes about 3 hours later, I feed him, & he goes right back to sleep. But continues to wake every 3 hours(some nights he's only woken 1 or 2 times - which I'm fine with - but 3 or more times a night, especially after the horrible crying thing just to go down - ugh). So...the books say that they sleep better at night if they have good naps during the day. So, I've still laid with him on the mattress during the day for naps to ensure he gets sleep. Of course, I know this is probably counterproductive, but thought I would try to wean that once we got nighttime established. None of the books I've read give advice on how to do both - fix the nighttime & the naps. Babywise gives advice on how to schedule, but it assumes you are starting from the beginning - not at 10 months old & never been in the crib before, and have probable issues with separation anxiety. I need to figure out how to reverse the sleep problems. He is such a perfect angel. I hate hearing him cry this much for so long. I dreaded doing the "crying it out", but then ended up starting this with the goal of us all getting better sleep. We actually are getting better sleep (3 hours at a time in my bed has worked wonders, compared with sleeping on the air mattress & still waking frequently to feed). But, I really would love for him to go into his crib willingly, and eventually take naps there too! Again, I don't even mind getting up to feed him 1 or 2 times - I just want him not to be SO upset to go into the crib. Any advice??? (sorry for such a long story, but I wanted everyone to know all the details in order to help me better). Thanks so much! ~ E.

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L.R.

answers from Washington DC on

I had many of the same problems and finally had to go to a sleep specialist when my daughter was 4. The problem we had and you seem to be having is that you need to stick with one technique and do it consistently until it works. I recommend Good Night, Sleep Tight which is essentially what the sleep doctor recommended to us. It is about as close to a no cry solution you can get. It can take several MONTHS for you to change the behavior but stick with it, it will work.

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J.F.

answers from Washington DC on

Ok so if he sleeps through the night when next to you why not just continue to co-sleep? it comforts him you can nurse laying down in your sleep pretty easily then you are not denying him food which he probably needs to continue growth and development I would never no way not ever deny food to a child they don't understand clocks or calenders they just know their natural bodily cues and they are hungry/tired/scared. I would say just sleep in your bedroom with your husband and baby eventually they want their own space and you have the trust then that you will take care of his needs and comfort him and he will sleep in his own bed/room etc. My husband and I sleep in a queen size bed with our 6 month old and occasionally our 3yo with sensory issues wanders in during a storm if he is afraid or scared.

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K.W.

answers from Washington DC on

My response will make me unpopular but in short my advice is to be consistant in whatever you do. Every nap, every night-time, every day from the day you decide on. I read your story and thought how logical all your techniques sounded...to an adult. Your baby cannot think logically and doesn't understand the end goal you are trying to get to. At this point I think you are going to have to toughen up and do some things you may not be 100% comfortable with...CIO. I have two kids (2.5 y.o. and 1 y.o.) and consistency has been the key. I agree with some of the other posters that your baby's bedtime should be earlier. Both my kids' bedtimes are at 7:15/7:30. I know what I am saying may come off cold but it is time to decide what you are going to do and stick to it. You can perpetuate the emotional toil (yours and his)of trying so many different things and easing him into better habits or make the necesary changes (it will be a hard two weeks) at once and then keeping him on track. The only technique that really works is consistency. I sincerely wish you luck in whatever you decide.

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A.W.

answers from Washington DC on

I feel for you! You must be exhausted. It is SO hard to hear your baby cry, especially when you're blaming yourself. I think ultimately you need to trust your instincts and stick with one consistent strategy -- it sounds like maybe all the different strategies are confusing him, and he's overtired. Here's what I'd suggest:

1. Put him down for naps and bedtime before he gets overtired. Our 8-month-old goes to bed between 6:30 and 7, and our 3-year-old goes to bed at 8.

2. Have a consistent bedtime routine. Bath, nursing, rocking, book, whatever, as long as it is always the same. Try to keep it under an hour.

3. Once he's in his crib, don't pick him back up. If he cries and you can't stand to hear it (I can't blame you), go in and pat his tummy, rub his back, etc., for a minute but DON'T PICK HIM UP. Next time wait a few minutes longer before you go in. Watch the clock; it seems a lot longer than it is.

4. If you have to let him cry, remind yourself that you're doing what's best for him. He wants company, but he NEEDS to sleep. You wouldn't deprive him of food because he cried, so don't deprive him of sleep because he cries. He doesn't know what's best for him; you do.

I second (or third) the recommendation of Dr. Weissbluth's Healthy Sleep Habits book, but at this point I think you're probably too tired to read! I think any consistent strategy will work as long as you stick with it. Just don't keep switching strategies -- give one routine a few weeks to work.

Good luck!

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A.L.

answers from Washington DC on

Hi E.,
From what I've read it is best to establish the sleep routine you want him to have at bedtime and then once that is firmly established, use the same thing at nap time.

Also, I would decide what routine you want ahead of time so you don't have to change things. You may have to modify it as he grows, but it should stay basically the same.

He's old enough now that he doesn't need to nurse in the night, so if possible I would try not to do that. Easier said than done I know, but I would send my husband in to check on our daughter at night if she got up beginning at 6 months b/c if I went it, she wanted to nurse. If he couldn't settle her down within 10 minutes, then I went in.

Also, don't beat yourself up about having to un-do sleeping with your little one. You did what you thought was right at the time. I nursed my daughter to sleep for 9 months (a huge No-No, according to sleep experts and our pediatrician), and when she would no longer nurse to sleep, I would nurse, then read and then rock her to sleep. She is over 2 now, and we've been done nursing for almost a year, and she is the best sleeper! She goes to sleep within 5 minutes after we read our last book, sleeps all night, puts herself back to sleep if she wakes up, etc. Everyone told me she would never do that if I didn't let her learn to fall asleep on her own, and they were completely wrong. My point is, do what you think is best for your child and you even if it isn't what the books and doctors say.

If you want him to learn to fall asleep on his own at this age, it probably will take some crying though.

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A.R.

answers from Washington DC on

E.,
Phew! Sounds like you have quite a case on your hands. You are right that one of the key issues here is FEEDING, not sleeping. At 10 months old, your son should be sleeping through the night, which means NO NIGHT FEEDING (his body does not need it since he is old enough and weighs enough now, though his crying will tell you otherwise). You need to find a way to gracefully exit the nightfeeding routine. One he's gotten the message that he can't eat in the middle of the night, then you can tackle the sleep issue. I believe it is the Baby Whisperer book that talks about how to get your child off of eating in the middle of the night, so I would check out that section of the book. She also has some humane ways of calming babies who are learning to sleep in their own cribs, without using Cry It Out. I think you need to stop sleeping/laying down with your baby and set some boundaries, this is the only way that you will create a happy, healthy space for him to sleep by himself.
Good luck,
A.

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K.M.

answers from Washington DC on

Hi E.! It sounds like you've got a really challenging situation, and you all must be so exhausted. I've found "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child" by Weissbluth to be an absolute godsend when it's come to helping my 2 kiddos sleep well. There are lots of testimonials in the book, and some of them sound a lot like your situation. I highly recommend getting this book, and one of the first things you'll find is that according to the author, your baby should have an earlier bedtime. He's really big on the idea that "sleep begets sleep" and trying to tap into the natural sleep rythms of different ages--it may seem counter-intuitive, but it's really worked for us--my 11-month-old goes to bed at 6:15 and my 3-1/2-year-old goes to bed around 6:45! They both sleep for 12 hours at night, plus naps. Some of this is just individual differences in kids, of course, but it may be worth a try--you really need more sleep for everyone!! Good luck!

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K.H.

answers from Richmond on

E.,
Let me start off by saying that I feel your pain. Kim W and Ashley W were spot on. Consistency is the key. I had the same issue with my son when he was around 8 months, I was reading all these books and always trying something different. I drove my husband, my son, and myself nuts!!

Finally we stuck with a simple routine, that I call the 4B's; Bath, Breastfeeding, Book, and Bed. We stuck with that and of course he would cry but we stuck with it. We would let him CIO for 1/2hr to 1hr, which only lasted a few days. It was hard at first but once we saw that he was sleeping through the night, 10 hours plus, and how happy he was upon waking, we knew we were doing the right thing.

We then tackled naptime, a little harder but we stuck with a routine of Breastfeeding, Book and Bed.
Our son is almost 2 and he is a wonderful sleeper. He typically sleeps 10-12hours a night and takes one 3 hour nap everyday. When he does wake up in the middle of the night, he can typically put himself back to sleep. He'll even play in his crib in the AM until we come and get him.
Just stick to a routine, stay consistent and remember that this is only a season and soon your baby boy will be sleeping through the night.
God's Blessings...

K.

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K.C.

answers from Dover on

Hi E., I agree with Rachel. He is over tired. My baby had sleep problems and we co slept until she was 6 months. Then I couldn't take it anymore. She was also colicky until she was almost 6 month. I was at the end of my rope until I read Healthy Sleep Habits Happy Child. It is written by Dr Weissbluth who has been studying sleep problems in children for like 30 yrs. It saved my sanity. It is all about watching for your childs cues so they don't become overtired. He says when they do become overtired it is almost painful for them. He also says that Colic is almost always over by 4 months old and that after that they are suffering from lack of sleep. I started with the nap when I switched her to her crib because, I figured it was little bits of time were she was alone in a strange place. I also used the cry method because I just couldn't take it anymore. I also nursed her before a nap and did our whole routine everytime. When she was napping regularly in her crib then I started putting her in there at nite. I would take her back to my bed after the 1st feeding and she would stay there the rest of the night. I gradually started to put her back in her crib after nursing her each time and eventually the waking started to become less. I realized that the habits were not hers they were mine and I had to let her sleep instead of interrupting her when she cried. If you haven't read this book you should it help me and a friend get our babies to sleep and they are both happy babies. My baby also started to learn quicker and was more alert. We live around their nap schedules but as long as we do not have to endure the pain of colic, unexplained crying, again I don't care. I also wanted to tell you that her bedtime it early. I try to make it between 6 and 7 but if she misses a nap sometimes it is as early as 5:30. She sleeps until 6 or 7 am. She is still waking up once a night but as you know that is like a dream come true. Good luck and I hope you find a solution soon.

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B.T.

answers from Washington DC on

Don't worry- he doesn't need to cry it out! I know how awful that feels. The crying for hours before falling asleep- that is counterproductive. It makes him fear his bed. It is not a safe place to sleep- he knows his needs won't be met when he gets laid down and he gets scared and angry, right? Here is what worked with my clingy nurse-to-sleeper: Rocking chair in her room, nurse to sleep at night (sometimes this would take forever- I got a lot of reading done- ha ha). Spend a week or two nursing and rocking in the chair at EVERY wake up. It means less sleep for you for a little, but he will get used to sleeping in the crib. Don't be afraid to just sit and rock or walk him around. He will be comforted by you and fall asleep. It may take some time before he trusts that you won't leave him in the crib alone, but keep comforting him. Eventually, he will know that night time is crib time- but that doesn't mean that you can't bring him into bed to nurse in the morning and get a little more shut-eye! Trust me, I botched the sleep thing with my first and learned my lesson for my 2nd and 3rd. YOU may need him to do x, y, or z, but he may have different ideas about what he needs right now. Putting in the extra time to make him happy and safe at sleep time really pays off!! (My 3 year old goes off to bed with a kiss and can sleep through anything!) This won't last forever! Hang in there, mama! Live and learn- we just do our best and the kids turn out just fine. :-)

PS- You are an experienced mama! Trust your gut and mama-instincts over some faceless author. The books are a good jumping off point, but YOU know your baby boy, right?

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R.H.

answers from Norfolk on

The main prob. your having i believe is your putting him to bed to late. Even at nearly 7yrs old my daughter goes to bed at 7:30pm. If you put a baby to bed to late what happens is he's over tired when you put him down, because he's over tired he has trouble staying a sleep. Seems strange that being over tired would do it but it does. He bed time should be started at about 7 or 7:30. That way you are getting him to bed before he's tired. Feed him until he's almost asleep but not Sleep. Lay him down and let him deal with his issues on his own. Don't go back in unless you KNOW there is a prob. Not just angry... Unless he's angry for about 10min. or so. Than all you should do is go in and calm him down. Rub his back, rock him or whatever but don't pick him up unless that is the last resort. But don't take him out for an extended time. My daughter would have trouble sleeping if she was really upset so i would do what i knew would calm her down but whatever i did i made sure it didn't take long and I wasn't getting to sleep just almost. If you solved the prob. for them they will always expect it. They say you can't do too much but you can.. children expect the same and in order to stop it you have to just stop and don't turn back. Don't give in they will give up and you will be happy when they do. Now at 6 1/2 yrs old my daughter goes to bed very well and has since she was about 4mo. old. No trouble no fighting. My husband thought i was mean but after a short while realized i knew what i was doing and now thanks me... We're about to have no. 2 and well he's on board this time...lol

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S.K.

answers from Washington DC on

It's so hard! i have had similar problems with my little boy, now 19mths. Have stuck to the controlled crying method for the last week in a last ditch attempt, and he actually slept through for the very first time last night!
I was really confused about all the different advice in the books, but here is how I see it. We are not out of the woods yet, but hopefully something here will help you.
Firstly, you have to be sure they are not genuinely hungry in the middle of the night. So need to make sure they have strict 3 meals a day, no snacks and not too much milk.
Then set time for bedtime/bathtime routine.It is supposed to help if they spend extra time playing with you in their room/cot, then after the last feed, you really should put them down awake.I think that's a difficult one, but I think it helps with the sleep association. then kiss goodnight and lay them down. then leave! You decide on how long you can leave them crying,say 5 minutes, then go in and check on them, if he's standing up, lay him back down, say goodnight, comfort a little, then leave again. However long you first left them for add 2 minutes,so 7 minutes before you check again, then 9 and so on.This was the bit I was unsure about as i am not sure they can really distinguish between 5 and 7 minutes! Eventually they will fall asleep.When they wake up again repeat the process, starting at 5 minutes or whatever your first interval was.I found that going back in upset him more so was actually able to leave him a little bit longer. If you give in at any stage they will think that however long they cry for you will give in!! They are very clever.And I always thought if I give in now all of his crying will have been for nothing, that's what made me stick with it. Then you have to follow the same process for naps. Any change in the process will make them think there is a chance to get their own way. If it helps it is better to do it now, rather than when they are older and they are shouting Mama! Its heartbreaking. It's exhausting but hopefully at the end there will be a good night's sleep for you all. good luck. S.

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M.W.

answers from Richmond on

You did not do anything wrong or do "damage" to your DS by nursing him to sleep! I don't understand why people insist that babies should STTN. Do you STTN? Most people don't every night - they get up to go to the bathroom, get a drink, whatever. And there's no reason he "should" be going 4 hours between wakings, even if he did before. All babies are different! Plus, he's in that stage now where he's learning so many new things - crawling, cruising, maybe even getting ready to walk, maybe saying words. Development can really mess with a baby's sleep.

I firmly believe all babies will STTN when they are ready - it's a milestone, not something that you can "train" him to do (without some significant emotional damage). My DD is 14 months old and I still nurse her to sleep. We co-sleep (safely - mattress/boxsprings on floor with a bed rail) and for the longest time, I thought she'd never STTN. Well, one night a couple of months ago, it just happened. Now she STTN most nights, unless she is teething or sick.

You think CIO is h*** o* you? What about him? All he knows is that he's upset and you won't come to him. He has no words to express what's going on, so he cries.

I'm sorry if I'm being harsh. I just can't fathom why people use Baby Whisperer and Babywise. The AAP does not support Babywise at all and has acknowledged it can lead to failure to thrive.

I recommend getting into a good routine. With my DD, when it's time for bed, she gets a bath, lotion, pajamas, and then I lay down to nurse her. She usually falls asleep within 15 minutes. Make sure your DS is not overtired, or it will be hard for him to settle down. Just watch for his sleepy cues - rubbing eyes, yawning, etc. Then, once you know what time he generally gets sleepy, you can time your routine to start about 30 minutes before he's ready for bed.

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J.T.

answers from Washington DC on

Hello. Your situation sounds just like mine. My little one is 2 now, and my older son is 9. My older son slept in the bed with my husband I until he was 4. I used to breast feed him in bed when he was a baby, and used to lay with him until he slept. When he was 4 he had a hard time transitioning out of our bed, but slowly slowly, he did it. We made bed time fun, and rewarded him for staying in bed. Now our 2 yr old, still in bed with us. You think we would have learned our lesson right? WRONG! We used to let him cry in his crib, I forget which book said to do that, and at 14 months, he climbed out, jumped down, and ran over to the door!!! So, we had to take the crib out, and use a toddler bed. We put the toddler bed right next to our bed. He'll fall asleep in our bed, and then we'll move him to his bed. Sometimes he comes back in our bed, sometimes not.

I justify it a couple of ways:
1. He will never be a toddler again, and its kind of nice to snuggle with your baby at night.
2.He feels loved and secure that he is with us. There are a lot of pro's of having a 'family bed'.

Good luck!

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K.C.

answers from Washington DC on

I feel your pain. My oldest son (now 4) did not sleep through the night until he was 14mo old. At about 6 months, I put him in the crib for naps, and got him used to those, and then worked on the nighttime.

I swore I'd be better with the second one... haha.

So my second one is almost 10 months old, and he is still sleeping in bed with me. We have the bassinet pulled against the bed, and then I have pillows stacked up so he can't fall out of bed. I know I should be working on the sleeping thing, but when he is bed with me, I get almost 8 hours of sleep, and am not getting up.

Having been through it with my first, I am just not willing to try the night time thing, because I spent over 6 months getting up several times a night even when he was soothing himself to sleep on his own, eating food, and I wasn't nursing during the middle of the night anymore.

So my advice to you would be do what you need to do to survive. Do what is going to get you the most sleep. If the airmatress thing at night isn't working, and the crib thing is working, great.

I have all the books too, and this second one is just a screamer, and the separation anxiety has hit him too. If he isn't dead asleep when I put him in, he screams and screams. I let him yell for a minute or two, then go back in and soothe him, and repeat. If he is really mad, sometimes this takes 20 minutes. Any longer than that, I cuddle him back to sleep. He sleeps from 8-midnight in his crib (approx) and then into bed with us.

He is doing most of his naps in his crib, sometimes I lay down with him. I figure I am getting him used to the crib in the day time, and when he first goes to sleep, and then when I weaning him completely, I will transition to all the crib. I just don't have it in me to get up several times a night for months on end.

Anyway, I feel your pain, you will probably hear from lots of people who's babies just slept though the night, and the books all make you feel like all babies can if you just do the right things. I did with my first son, and still it wasn't until he was older that he slept. I think some of them just have timers. So do what works, and throw the shoulds out the window. If you keep working on the crib, eventually it will happen. Just not as fast or easy as the books make it sound.

S.T.

answers from Washington DC on

there's a huge spectrum of opinion between CIO and pick them up every time, between family beds and crib-training, between nursing to sleep or not, and so forth. i don't know what's best for your baby, but i do agree with the advice you've had to be consistent. you may feel as if you have to train night time sleeping before you can tackle naps, but what your baby is experiencing is conflicting ways of doing things. set a sleepytime routine and stick to it. babies NEED consistency (with a healthy dose of flexibility too, of course, but that tends to get way abused.)
;) khairete
S.

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E.B.

answers from Macon on

I suggest that you make sure he gets all his feedings/nutrients during the daytime (between 7am and 10pm) and refuse to feed him throughout the night. Also, because you're nursing you may have to enlist your husband to go in to calm the baby so that your son doesn't think that you're there to feed him. It sounds like your baby wants to use you as a pacifier (nursing and being next to you) so if your husband can be the one to go in and put him back down you may find that it'll work. Of course, it may take several days to kick in. Best of luck!

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R.S.

answers from Washington DC on

I could have written this, really; we co-slept for the first 15 months, and for the first 10 months he'd sleep on my lap, usually suckling. I recommend first trying the Sleep Lady's book. I know a lot of people have had really good results from it. Unfortunately, not us. If I was still in the room, he'd be furious that he was in the crib. As much as I'm not a fan of it, we had to do CIO, but we started it for naps. twice a day for 2 hours he went in there and screamed. This was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do, and luckily for me my sister was here and I got to leave the house for the first couple days. Within 3-4 days he stopped screaming the entire time. Within a week or so he was doing pretty good (would cry 5-10 minutes), within a month there was no crying at all, unless I waited until he was over-tired.
We did a 2 hour window because he didn't know how to self-soothe and fall back asleep after he woke up, so he'd wake a little bit after 20 minutes or so and cry for a bit, but I persevered and he'd go back to sleep.
For us, transitioning to night sleep wasn't bad after naps were good. Best of luck with this!

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C.W.

answers from Washington DC on

With my daughter, we put her in the crib from the beginning and she did not like it and I finally used the baby whisperer with her, putting her in and out of the crib, sometimes 100 times before she would go down. I also was feeding her in the night well over a year (the nightime feed in the baby whisperer created a bad habit for us). She was bottle fed, so it was probably easier to wean her down, decreasing an ounce a night until it was water and then putting the water bottle in the crib with her. Eventually we did have to do cry it out, and it was heart breaking, but it did work. After reading Healthy Sleep Habits by Weissbluth, I think I figured out that her lack of sleep during the day really did cause many of our problems at night. When my son was born, at about 4 months he outgrew his bassinet and my bed (he squirmed too much) and his ped convinced me that his crib was the right place for him. We got him used to his crib by letting him play in it at times during the day, like when I needed to shower. Per Weissbluth, the first nap should be 1 1/2 hours to 2 hours after he gets up, so if he wakes at 7A, first nap is at 830, if you go too late, you miss the window and it becomes impossible to get them down for that nap. We would put him down again about every 2 hours after he woke up. Around 10 months we transitioned to just 2 naps, Again 1 1/2 hours after waking for first one, and then because I had an older daughter, I was determined to have them down at the same time, so 1P for an afternoon nap, no sleeping past 330P. Then bedtime for him was 615P and he would sleep for 12 hours. Once he was down, unless he was sick or teething, or there was some good reason, no going in again until morning. I have found for both of my kids that an earlier bedtime helped them sleep better at night. I do think you are going to have to get a monitor, put him down by himself in his crib, leave the room, get on a schedule and let him cry it out for a while. I know this will be tough, we had to do it again when we put my son in his big boy bed. You can check on him every 5 minutes on night (use no words and do not turn on the light, just give him a pat on the back and leave again), then 10 the next, etc. if it helps (I found that after 2 checks it just gets more agonizing for both of you). Good luck, and remember we have all been there, and chances are, you will need to do this again after bumps in the road.

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M.A.

answers from Washington DC on

Hi - I am a mother of 9 month old that has had some sleep issues lately... I also have a 2 year old which I had no problem putting down to sleep at an early age. A few suggestions based on my experience: 1) have you checked if he is teething? that may be why he wakes up at night. 2) if he eats enough during the day, he should be able to stay full for a stretch of 6-7 hours... I assume you have introduced solids by now - what I do is I feed mine the rice cereal around 6pm and she sleeps around 7pm and then I give her the bottle and put a little rice cereal in her milk to thicken it a little to keep her fuller throughout the night. I don't think you should be feeding him at night - that is probably why he is waking because he's used to eating every 3 hours. 3)Try the pacifier - does he take it? I klnow that comes with its own set of problems later on but he is still a baby and the sucking will sooth him Just my 2 cents... Good luck!

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L.M.

answers from Washington DC on

E.,

My little guy (now 16 months), did not sleep through the night till 11 months. For a number of reasons. He had severe reflux from 3-11 mo, so we swaddled him as long as we could b/c if he flipped over to his tummy he would throw up. Also, we he has various food allergies which contributed to his reflux. Once that was all under control around 11 months, I decided I couldn't take the sleep issues any longer and he was just going to have to cry it out. But you have to make sure there aren't any other issues going on before you do that. Is you little guy gettnig enough calories during the day at this point? You may ask your pediatrician what he should be getting. That way you know he shouldn't be truely hungry at night and his waking is just out of habit.

Then you really just have to gear up to do this. I thought it would last forever, but once my little guy figured out how to sleep on his stomach, he sleeps fine now. It took about a week. And you cannot nap with him. Get the nighttime down first and naps will come on their own.

Good luck,
L.
Reston, VA
oh, i have a 3 1/2 yr old girl too.

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A.G.

answers from Washington DC on

Everything started so well, I think the problem was not the swaddle, but that you should have taught him to sleep in the crib while in the swaddle stage. You seem to be using some of the strategies you have found and making progress. Here are a couple that are essential though:

Stop feeding him in the middle of the night, get up, reassure him, sit with him, but do not feed him. He doesn't need it and you are absolutely encouraging him to wake up more often.

Also you should really try a much earlier bed time, babies are able to fight more effectively when they are tired. I'd try 6:00 or 6:30. You should move his bedtime up 15 minutes at a time until you get him sleeping better.

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J.W.

answers from Washington DC on

I really don't have any advice. I am going thru something similar. My daughter is almost 10 months and she doesn't sleep thru the nights either. She has to fall asleep on our chests and wakes up at least once a night to eat. My Dr told us to let her cry it out. We have been trying but she gets so hysterical! I can't take the hysterical cries it kills me so I get her and put her to sleep on my chest. Maybe you can give me some advice?

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J.M.

answers from Norfolk on

My daughter also wouldn't sleep through- frustrating- she's 9 months now and sleeps. I used to feed her at 7pm bedtime and then at 10 and her body got used to waking up every 3 hours. Now she takes 8 oz at 7pm and I read goodnight moon in the rocking chair and a song and bed. She knows if I open the book and rock its bedtime- i kept saying to myself- ifpeople can train their dogs- I can train my kid and its not perfect but 6 out of 7 nights she sleeps 7om to 7am. well she's up at 6am but I leave toys in her crib and she plays on her own till I get her at 7.

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I.C.

answers from Washington DC on

Hello E.

My son also has been a poor sleeper and it has been hard, but from your story it has not been easy at all.
First, you might have tried this, but get him a blanky. He is old enought to start getting attached to it. My son was 4 months when I gave him one, and now at almost 2, I hardly can wash it or he has a huge fit...
Then, check the following. In my opinion, there are the falling asleep issues, and then the awakening issues, which might be due to acid reflux (it was the case with our son). This we "solved" by getting him on a medication - I did not want at first but in a desperate moment of no sleep for so long, I gave in and marvelled at how it worked. Also if it is the case, raise his crib up a bit in one end. It would help. I assume that when he sleeps on your belly he is on his own belly right? That is also a way these babies like to sleep. Now what you have to do is to get him used to sleeping without you. As he is already turning from front to back I assume you might want to consider leaving him on his belly in the crib - if you don't have any teddys or pillows, he would eventually be able to turn himself if he needs. if you are not comfortable with the idea you can also roll a small towel and make him rest on his side rather than flat on his back.
Then you have not mentioned what kind of other soothing routine you give to your son to give him the sleep signals. do you do bath stories sleep? do you have some soft playing music? since my son was born, I play the sounds of the waves and now at almost 2, he still asks for this, specially if he wakes up in the night. it is like white noise too, so it is quite useful to cover other noises in the house (if you have your other son up).
another suggestion would be to work with the naps in a different way as for the night. get him used to fall asleep without you. he should be able. try other routines, try leaving him fall asleep with you in the room patting his back but not holding him. he eventually will get there. You can try changing the naps for a week, then working on changing patterns for the night. but just don't let yourself being discourage. It takes about 4 days usually for a baby that age to get used to a change. so at first he might not want to get used to being in a new room alone. and you might just have to leave him cry - which I never liked. but after a few days my son started sleeping through the night (he was one when we first did it). I might understand your reluctance to do this but at times when they are bigger (not new borns) I think they understand we will come unless they cry really hard.
one other thing my friend advised me about - and I have not tried yet as I am still pregnant from my second - is to get the two kids to sleep together. maybe it would be a way for him to feel reassured that he is not alone...
hoping some of it is helpful,
good luck,

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T.H.

answers from Washington DC on

Lots of good Advice. My advice is to read the books for ideas, than do what feels right to you! My son slept between us on a curved changing pad and I nursed him in bed. He would cry within minutes if put down in the crib. At a year old, when he was too wiggly, we put his crib at the foot of our bed and slept with our heads next to it. After a few weeks we turned around right. A few more and we pushed him against the wall. A few more and he was in his own room. If you don't mind napping with him continue to do so. My son gave up napping at about 2.5 because I was too impatient to stay with him to make sure he did. He continued to sleep with us away from home when he outgrew the pack n play. Now that he is 5, I can't get him to sleep with me anymore, and he finally slept by himself in a hotel room.

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