10-Yr-old Won't Play Alone

Hi J.,

If there aren't other kids in your area, arrange play dates for him. These can include homework time at the beginning, if that's the schedule you want him to follow, but you might want to put off reading time until later in the evening.

BTW, what do you mean by "we" complete his homework? By 10 you should be encouraging homework independence in your child. If he has questions, he should do as much as he can on his own and then come to you with a list.

Your son is also at a good age to consider taking up a hobby. When my son was 10, he was passionately into legos and k'nex, and would build for hours on end. I think it was around this age that we first got him the programmable lego set, which he loved (he's now at college studying computer science and game development). My daughter liked to work with wood and was always outside sawing or pounding nails into one creation or another. (I never could figure out what some of them were, but it didn't matter!) Both of my kids loved to cook and do crafts, as well, and I always had plenty of supplies on hand for them to mess around with. The important thing is to introduce your son to options to let him explore his own creative interests.

Personally, I'm also a big supporter of Cub Scouts/Boy Scouts (and Girl Scouts, too). This program offers wonderful opportunities for exploration, personal growth and achievement. Even though dens typically meet only once a week, at age 10 Webelos scouts have a set of 20 activity badges they work on over the course of 2 years. Many of these have substantial requirements that your son can work on independently. This is not to say that you can't be involved, and you and his father should support him -- just from enough distance to let him grow and find his own interests. Also, if you identify with a particular religion, there are religious emblems that can be earned as part of the program. If you decide to go this route, make sure that you find an active den in an active Pack with committed leadership (especially the Cubmaster). And, if you do join and your son takes to scouting, encourage him to go all the way to earn the Eagle rank. This is usually achieved b/n the ages of 16 - 18 and is a major accomplishment that will give your son lasting rewards throughout his life (not to mention access to Eagle Scout scholarships!). 75% of the leaders in politics, business, and religion in this country are Eagle Scouts. This is not a result of "the old boy network", but because these individuals really learn out to motivate themselves and others, learn how to plan and execute, and learn how to participate and delegate through this program.

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You did not say how long he is having to play alone, 1 hour 2, 3 4 there is a big difference on how long , if its only 2 hours, set a time for you to take a 10 min break on the hour, let him know if he likes swimming , baseball then you have to work to earn the money to pay for it, give him some rpojests to do MOM, maybe somebodys b-day is coming up, have him make cards, supply paint, crafts to make it. Have him paint by numbers, something creative you be surprised he will want to do this. Encourage him to clean his room for an allowence. He is bored MOM is all, at michaels craft store they have cool models for kids his age to build, he can do that for only 99 cents. all safe things to do.

Good Luck

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You work from home. Is there any way you could get your son involved in helping you? Filing? (Helps with spelling!). Internet research for you? (Help research and computer skills!) Licking envelopes? Putting stamps on envelopes? (Motor skills!) While you work, could he write a shopping list for you for groceries (spelling!)? Do you have a pet? Thinking about one? Sometimes children who don't have empathy skills with other children can develop them by bonding with an animal. Help you plan meals? Learn to make healthy snacks? (Science and nutrition!). Does he have any imagination? Can he write stories? Draw? How about starting a journal? If he writes a good story with artwork you can have it laminated and bound at one of the local copy stores. The lack of computer skills and WII enthusiasm sounds like he might have motor skills issues. How is his handwriting? Has he been tested for ADD? If he has trouble focusing and with self direction, this would be one area of concern. Have you tried letting him do his homework by himself? If he can't do it by himself at age 10, then I would think about asking the school district for some testing. Does he have any friends at all? How are his social skills? Take a step back and look at your son compared to other boys his age. How does he compare? If there are sizable differences then maybe you should talk to his teacher, who would probably know more than you think. Just trying to think of as much as I could for you. Sounds like a pretty good kids to me!

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I think you could readjust your schedule to where when he is doing his homework or reading for school, you could tell him you have work to do also. You could both stay in the same room and do work together silently. You could have a snack together, then do silent work and then do chores and get ready for swim and baseball. Show him how to do chores like vacuum/ washing clothes. At ten they are able to do simple chores to help you out. Maybe split the chores and cook together. Start to show him how to cook because they need that skill and it works on math and science skills. I think he just misses you during the day. Maybe have him invite baseball and swim friends over sometimes for sleep over or afternoon. Hope this helps. Good luck with everything.

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Don't feel guilty! You will never be able to play with your son every moment that he's home, and that's OK! It's perfectly fine to ask for quiet and privacy to work.

Your son, clearly, is a very social person, and much prefers to be with others. My husband and 2 of our kids are the same way. He might be happier in an after school program, so he can be with other kids. Most programs require kids to have their homework done before they play. Or, you could look around your neighborhood for kids close to his age. He could invite them over while you work, so he'd be occupied but you'd still know where he was and what he's doing.

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