Hi M. and anyone esle out there with this issue, because it seems to be a big one. When my 3 year old started going to daycare a year and a half ago, he was in that place you describe where he knows where he's supposed to go but every time we mentioned it he would slowly back away from the bathroom. His then sitter gave me this document and within the week he was trained. At first I thought it was harsh, but it really worked.
Amy’s Easy Toilet Learning Method
For many of the recent years, parents have struggled with trying to find the best method to encourage toilet learning. Like most of parenting it is important to understand that there are no quick fixes or easy kits that can be purchased. It takes time and energy and perseverance. The following is what I have found works best when trying to achieve this important milestone. It will only work when it is followed exactly and both classroom and home are working as a team. Before you read the steps, there are a couple of points I think are important to remember;
No stickers or treats should be given when a child has urinated or had a bowel movement using the toilet. This milestone is a part of life and is something that children need to learn. They should be proud of their accomplishment for its importance and not because they receive a treat.
Potty Cheerleading is something that many times, parents find themselves using as a method of positive reinforcement. The cheerleading works the same way that a tangible reward does. We want children to understand the value of intrinsic satisfaction instead of extrinsic rewards and there is no better way to help bring that message home than during the toilet learning experience. A simple yet authentic, “you should be very proud of yourself that is a big step towards growing up” should be sufficient.
In order to be successful, you should preplan this. You need a weekend where nothing is on the calendar, so that complete focus is on getting your child to the potty when they need to go.
Use only the actual potty. While potty chairs may be more appropriately sized for young children, they do present sanitary risks. Since you would eventually be transitioning to the regular potty anyway, you may as well start there.
It is important that children wear underpants ONLY. It is part of making sure they are actively involved.
You know your child is ready when they are out of a crib and have put away all signs of “babyhood.” (No bottles, pacifiers and can put themselves to sleep) There are also ready only if you are ready and willing to make the commitment to the time it will take to go through this process. It isn’t something that you can do halfway. If you’re not focused, the child can be hurt by the process.
Be economical, to buy underpants from a fancy department store but also don’t borrow them from your sister’s children. Plan to purchase new underpants so wait until you are almost or are out of diapers.
Have plenty of groceries and some good videos, because for at least the weekend, you are homebound. For this to work you need to stay at home where the relaxed environment includes familiar objects and easy to access supplies. I would even discourage visits from friends and family. The added excitement might throw him/her off schedule.
Here are the necessary steps, that when followed, should take about two weeks to complete. It is possible to night train at the same time. Those steps are included as a part of the process.
1. On Friday evening take him/her to your local store and have him/her pick out several pairs of underpants, whatever kind he/she wants. (Have no fear if he wants Barbie underpants she’s not a bad looking babe and if she wants Bob the Builder-hey there could be a lot of money in construction.)
2. When you get home spend a lot of time talking about what is going to be happening tomorrow as you unpack and put away the underpants. Have him/her pick out 1 pair to start with tomorrow.
3. As soon as he/she wakes up the next morning, take them to the bathroom and remove the diaper and have them sit on the potty. Take as much time as he/she needs; maybe even reading a favorite book. When he/she is finished, have him/her practice wiping and help to put on the selected underpants.
4. If he/she urinated or had a bowel movement, the begin giving them lots to drink and set a schedule of going to the bathroom every hour. IF they did not go, give them lots to drink and start by taking them every 15 minutes until they go, then start the every hour schedule.
5. Put as little clothing on them as possible. Don’t use anything with buttons or snaps and pack up those onsies. Try to stick to just shirts or perhaps a pair of elastic shorts or sweatpants. Something that makes it easy to pull down and change as accidents occur.
6. Spend the rest of the weekend going to the potty every hour. Don’t spend a lot of time talking about it or asking if he/she has to go. Just be very matter of fact about the situation.
7. If he/she has an accident, try not to say anything except, “well we need to change your clothes.”
8. For nighttime, you’re going to need to stop giving drinks 2 hours before bedtime. Continue to take them to the potty every hour until they go to sleep.
9. Between 12 and 2, he/she should be woken and taken to the bathroom.
10. Once they start back at school they should arrive in underpants and remember to pack at least 5 complete changes of clothes including socks and at least 1 other pair of shoes. Follow the same rules for clothing that you were using at home, simple and easy to pull up and down.
11. The caregivers should be aware of the situation and ready to proceed with the same pattern that you have established at home.
12. After about two weeks, potty learning should be complete enough that he/she will go to the potty with little or no prompting.
UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES SHOULD YOU GIVE UP AND PUT THE CHILD BACK INTO A DIAPER. ONCE STARTED, FOLLOW IT THROUGH.
